Rules of communication that can give you the key to success in any conversation

Good day! Lyudmila Redkina is with you, and today we are studying the most important human function. Without what will a person not be a person? Without what is most of the information around us lost? What is it that a woman especially cannot live without for a day? Of course, without communication! Communication helps us develop, become smarter and satisfy all our needs. Excuse me, you can’t even go to the toilet in an unfamiliar city if you don’t find out where it is. What can we say about the need for recognition or respect if a person does not communicate?! So, in this article we talk about how to communicate with people correctly, and what we get in the process of communication.

COMPLETE LIST OF HUMAN SKILLS

Basic rules of communication

Rule #1

Allow other people to be who they are, and do not try to remake someone according to your standards.

Firstly, it is completely useless, people do not change.
And secondly, all attempts by outside influence are perceived extremely negatively by people and spoil relationships.

Rule #2

Speak only good things about people, otherwise just keep your mouth tightly shut.
Support and approval are the most powerful catalysts for good relationships.

Rule #3

Don't allow yourself to be arrogant towards other people.
A note of superiority in a voice can cause irreparable damage to the best relationships. If you want to maintain good relationships with others, their actions or words cannot be ridiculed. People do not forgive humiliation either.

Rule #4

Show sincere interest in the life and feelings of the other person, then you will not have problems finding a topic for conversation.
And there are plenty of reasons for praise. By the way, praise and flattery are radically opposite concepts; they should not be confused.

Rule #5

Try to look for positive traits in each person and focus maximum attention on them.
Each of us has shortcomings, the secret of good relationships lies in the ability not to notice them.

Rule #6

Once and for all, give up criticism of other people, try to recognize their right to make mistakes.
Remember that every action can be viewed from two opposing points of view, and it is not yet known which of them is correct.

Rule #7

Every person makes a lot of effort to increase his own importance in the eyes of other people.
You should give up your sense of self-importance and allow other people to feel important.

Rule #8

Watch your own words and actions.
If you have done something inappropriate, apologize immediately and do not allow yourself to offend other people.

Rule #9

Never give orders to anyone. If you want your words and advice to be listened to, do not impose them, wait until you are asked for advice.

Rule #10

Never respond with irritation to the irritation of the person living next to you.
Take his irritation as a request for help, support and sympathy.

Rule #11

When communicating with people, try to talk less and listen more.
By the way, by listening to other people's problems, you get to know the person better, and therefore strengthen your friendship with him.

Rule #12

If you come up with a good idea, try to pretend that the idea came from your interlocutor.

Rule #13

If your interlocutor expresses thoughts that, in your opinion, are wrong, do not interrupt him or try to prove your point of view.

Rule #14

Give up any disputes once and for all.
By the way, the fastest way to end an argument is to admit that your interlocutor is right.

Rule #15

Give gifts to your loved ones without waiting for a special occasion.

Rule #16

If you feel irritation in the depths of your soul, do not show it openly.
Instead of demonstrating your feelings, try to find the true reasons for this state and eliminate them.

Rule #17

Turn the vector of interest towards other people, turning it away from yourself.

Rule #18

When you talk to a person, look him in the face and address him by his first and patronymic.
Treating people with courtesy and respect strengthens the bonds between people.

Rule #19

If the conversation drags on for too long and you are forced to interrupt it, try to do it on a positive note so that your interlocutor retains the most pleasant memories and a good mood.

Rule #20

Learn to forgive. We must forgive everything and everyone:

Firstly, you need to forgive yourself not only for mistakes and wrong actions, but even for negative thoughts.
Secondly, you should forgive all the insults that others cause to you. You should not accumulate negative emotions in your soul.

The most tender communication in the world occurs between those who are not interested in communication. Marcel Proust

Books

Competent communication is now at a premium. Already from school, children absorb applications on smartphones faster than communication skills, or even basic expression of their thoughts. Therefore, in our technological age, it is important not to forget to read books. Use a selection of useful books:

Mark Goulston “I can hear right through you. Effective negotiation technique.”
Philip Zimbardo “How to overcome shyness.”
Jack Schafer “We turn on the charm according to the methods of the secret services.”
James Borg “Secrets of Communication. The magic of words."
Dale Carnegie “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
Robert Cialdini “Psychology of influence”.
Larry King: How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.

An example of communication psychology from the school curriculum

Read the tips below, which ones will you use when communicating with friends?

Be friendly and friendly.
Live in peace with each other.
Conquer evil with good.
Do good and do not be afraid of anyone.
Speak boldly about a good deed.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Win hearts with love, not fear.
Don't be afraid of the knife, but of the tongue.
Think, think about it, and say it.
Be patient with everyone for a long time.

Question:
Determine the type of sentences based on the purpose of the statement. Why are sentences of this type used here?

Answer:

Sentences No. 1, 2, 6, 9, 10 are motivating, they teach and advise.

Rules of conduct in cafes and restaurants

When you find yourself in a cafe or restaurant, try not to forget about the following:

The man is responsible for the companion’s clothes - he helps to take off a fur coat or coat and puts the companion’s outerwear in the wardrobe.
In the hall, a man helps his companion sit down by moving the chair, and only after that sits down himself.
While eating or waiting for your order, you should not place your elbows on the table. As an exception, a lady can put her elbows on the table for a short time, but not a gentleman.
You cannot place foreign objects on the table that are not related to the meal.
If you need to show any item - a phone, a book, something else - just pass it from hand to hand.
Applying cosmetics, combing your hair, and doing other things should be done exclusively in the restroom.
Don't talk on the phone at the table.
If you need to make or receive a call, apologize and leave the table.
It is acceptable to cough or sneeze into the crook of your elbow.
You should not take a transparent wine glass or glass with oily hands.

In fact, table etiquette is a much larger body of knowledge, and it may differ from country to country. It would be better if, before traveling abroad, you familiarize yourself with the rules of conduct in the country of your visit.

If the amount of information seems too large and difficult to remember, you can use mnemonic rules or associative memorization techniques. For example, it is known that bread should be on the left, drinks on the right. Fold your fingers into the Ok gesture, and the combination on your left hand will resemble the letter b (bread), and on the right - d (drink).

Bonus: 10 more golden rules of communication [UPD]

How to benefit from communicating with people and share the best with others?
Regardless of who you are: a psychologist, a businessman, or just an attentive spouse or friend, the rules of good communication are the same for everyone. Good conversation involves two things: listening and speaking. And for each of them there are 5 golden rules. It sounds simple enough, but many people forget that good communication involves not only talking, but also listening.

Moreover, it's safe to say that listening is a more important component: how can you know what to talk about if you don't first understand what the audience wants to hear?

Etiquette in public premises

The rules of good manners and etiquette in general premises are as follows:

At the door, a man lets a woman go first, a junior lets a senior pass, and an ordinary employee lets a boss pass.
Of those equal in age and status, the one closest to the door goes first. If the distance to the door is the same, the one entering lets the one leaving.
You should hold the door if someone is following you.
If the doors have double doors, follow the “right-hand traffic” rule and leave the left door for those coming towards you.
The man goes down the stairs first, the woman goes up. If the stairs are dark or the room is unfamiliar to the woman, the man goes up the stairs first.
The side of the stairs near the railing should be given to women, elderly people and children. Of two people of the same sex, the younger one is inferior.
In the elevator, the person standing closest to the buttons must ask everyone else for the floor and press the necessary buttons.
The person who enters the room is the first to greet those who are already inside.
You should refrain from listening to music or watching movies without headphones.
You should not look at someone point-blank, even if you are interested in something about the person.
Women are allowed to keep their hat and gloves on indoors, but they must take off their cap and mittens.
Don't initiate a handshake in the restroom.

And now it’s worth saying a few words about etiquette in transport.

What rules of communication do you try to use in your life?

Psychologists recommend the following set of communication rules for every day:

Show genuine interest in other people.
Smile.
Remember that for a person, the sound of his name is the sweetest and most important sound of human speech.
Be a good listener. Encourage others to tell you about themselves.
Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
Make people feel important to you and do it sincerely. This rule is the most important!

What rules of communication between people do you know, and which do you try to use in your life?
Please share in the comments. Yabrova Ksenia May 16, 2021

Rules of conduct in public transport

Even if you have long ago acquired a personal car, you should learn the rules of behavior in public transport. And even if you are traveling by bus from the exit of the terminal building to the plane, you should follow these rules:

Wait until everyone who was going to get off at the bus stop has gotten out of the vehicle, and only then enter the vehicle.
Wait until the empty seats are occupied by elderly people, disabled people, parents with small children, pregnant women, and only then take one of the remaining free seats.
You should only occupy one seat if you are traveling alone. Do not place your bag on the next seat, do not spread your legs wide, preventing you from taking the next seat.
If you see someone you know at the other end of the salon, greet them with a nod and a smile.
A man should get off public transport first, then offer his hand and help his companion get out.

No less interesting are the nuances of etiquette in establishments where you can have a snack and drink coffee.

Rule 14: Don't get lost in thought

People who constantly maintain business contacts and communication are accustomed to analyzing a large flow of information and choosing the main thing from it, discarding the “husk.” Don't tire them out and reduce the amount of this "husk" to a minimum. If you do this, then those around you will be sure that you are a serious and purposeful person who values your time and the time of others. Attempts to approach the key issue from afar and utter a bunch of unnecessary information will reveal your uncertainty, shyness, incompetence and will tire your interlocutor. Leave flowery phrases, complex sentences and constructions. It’s better to say “Could you do that” than “I think that in this situation you should think about such and such action.”

General rules

Etiquette begins with the ability to behave and control your body. Good manners must be observed both while sitting and walking. Movements should be calm and confident, you should walk at a moderate pace with medium steps. Sit upright, with knees closed or legs crossed low (at the ankles), hands should rest freely on your knees. You cannot rock the chair or sit astride it.

In a cultural society, it is customary to begin communication with greetings, introductions, and addresses established by etiquette, with preference given to some individuals over others.

The advantages are:

elders before younger ones;
women before men;
people with disabilities versus healthy people;
persons superior in position to everyone else, incl. superiors before subordinates.

Difficult situations often arise, for example, in relation to a male boss and a female subordinate. For such cases, exact rules have not been established; the manner of behavior will be dictated by a sense of tact.

The first to enter the room, start a conversation, set the general tone and direction of the conversation are the elderly or those of a higher position. But the performance is done in reverse: the names of younger people are called to the elders. Guests are greeted first by the hosts, then by women according to seniority, and then by men in the same way. Late arrivals are the first to greet those waiting, just as those entering are the first to greet those present.

Seated young people are supposed to stand up when greeting. On the street, people walking greet those standing, men raise their cap or hat in front of a woman (but not other hats).

If at the entrance of somewhere 2 people are trying to let each other go ahead, then the first person to go through should be the one who was asked to do this twice.

When asking a question or request, or after an accidental collision, you should use polite forms of speech, and be sure to thank for any help. According to etiquette, it is customary to congratulate colleagues and acquaintances on various holidays and family dates or express condolences on the occasion of loss. A bad mood is not shown in public; a friendly smile and a friendly look in the eyes contribute to pleasant communication.

Ask open questions

Open questions require a detailed answer and give the interlocutor the opportunity to express his opinion.

“What do you think of the speaker?”
“When does the ski season open here?”
“Where are the best women's clothing stores in this city?”
“What bait are you fishing with?”
“Do you know why that jazz club closed?”

Ask the main questions of journalists (what, why, where and how) if you want to get a detailed answer from your interlocutor. This way you will learn more interesting information and be able to maintain a conversation.

JENNY: What do you think about clowns with balloons?

Rule 2: Don't interrupt!

Continuing the topic. People are very annoyed when their speech is interrupted by all sorts of “but I...”, “and my... Let the person finish their thought and then speak yourself. If the other person talks for a long time and you are afraid of forgetting what you wanted to say, use the previous tip and write yourself a note with a reminder and the key point of your question. Interrupting turns you, in the eyes of others, into a rude and ill-mannered person with whom they will find it unpleasant to communicate. You should not form such an impression of yourself if you are interested in productive (pleasant ) communication.

Rule 18: You are responsible for your recommendations

Surely there are people in your “arsenal” who can help your new friend, and you can’t wait to introduce him to them (probably ). On the one hand, this is wonderful, but on the other hand, think about it. By recommending someone, you automatically take responsibility for this, and if the person turns out to be insufficiently reliable or does his job poorly, then you will also be to blame (a minus to your reputation). Don’t be afraid to talk about it, saying that you can introduce the right person, but have not yet had the opportunity to directly observe him in action and cannot judge how flawlessly he does his job. You will help a friend, bring together two people whose cooperation in the future can bring good results, and at the same time insure yourself from reproachful glances and reproaches in case of failure.

Maxim Chernov

PS. BONUS for the interview: Find out how to make, maintain and monetize useful contacts in the free video course on business communication here .

Rules of conduct in the theater and cinema

Monitoring behavior is important and necessary, among other things, in places of leisure:

Arrive at the start of the performance and session on time, without being late.
Refrain from consuming food and drinks in the auditorium.
Turn off or put gadgets into silent mode during a movie show or performance.
Do not film what is happening if the organizers have prohibited filming.
Sit quietly, do not lean left and right or back and forth, so as not to disturb your neighbors and those sitting behind you.
Those who come together cannot sit with their heads on the shoulder of their companion, or with their heads tilted towards each other, because this disturbs the spectators sitting behind.
If two M+F couples come to a session or performance, in the auditorium the women sit in the center, the men on both sides, each next to his companion.
During intermission, move to the exit along the row facing those sitting, and not with your back.
You should not talk during a show or performance - you should wait until the end or intermission.
You should not gesture, sing along or beat the beat with your foot if music starts playing during a film or performance.

Let us clarify that for concerts the rules are more democratic. Many performers themselves ask the audience to sing along with them or shout out: “I don’t see your hands!” Many bands are even pleased if the audience knows the tests of their songs by heart. In addition, for example, not a single rock concert ever starts on time, so spectators being late is also acceptable.

A separate topic is communication etiquette when meeting people. There are also rules here.

Rule 6: Tell stories or instructive parables

This is necessary in order to convey your thoughts, draw conclusions, or lead your interlocutor to some thoughts. Many experienced networkers do this. You give the impression of a person with extensive knowledge and experience, moreover, in this way you can emphasize some idea expressed or even slightly embellish the facts. This is called storytelling. And human attention is designed in such a way that it remembers such interesting stories and accompanying information well. It is only very important that the parable or myth be told to the place and topic of conversation! If you have trouble remembering interesting episodes from your life or such stories, then train yourself to write them down somewhere and then re-read them . This way you will also train your memory.

Rule 8: Weakness is also good

Don't be afraid to show that you don't know something or are struggling with something. Politely and unobtrusively ask people for help - they will like it, because many people have a “patron” living inside them who likes to look after others and help them. In addition, if you dare to let people know about your vulnerability (for example, that you are confused in endless corridors and cannot find a conference room), then it will be easier for them to open up to you too. Just don’t overdo it and turn into a helpless “lost” in their eyes.

Don't get lost

Rule 13: Leave out the abstruse phrases

There is nothing strange in the desire to show off your intellect by adding a bunch of smart words and phrases to the conversation, but such communication is more appropriate at an interview or at important negotiations, where it is very important for you to show your expertise. When meeting someone, it is better to forget about the know-it-all and speak more simply. This way, the interlocutor will not have to strain frantically to grasp the meaning of what was said and pretend that he understood everything from your professional terminology. Show him respect and, if you want fruitful communication and mutual understanding, replace complex and confusing concepts with simpler and more understandable synonyms.

Rule 7: Make jokes and make people smile!

Positive emotional connotations of the details of a conversation also allow people to better remember and perceive them. If you have a good sense of humor, then others will definitely like it and want to communicate with you as often as possible. Learn witty improvisation, appropriate jokes and creating an informal atmosphere around you. It is difficult to learn this, but it is possible. Most importantly, do not be afraid to joke even in the company of strict and business-like people, because often they are not always like this, but take on this appearance during business communication and responsible negotiations. In fact, they may turn out to be jokers and wits, and it will be much easier and more pleasant to establish contact with such people.