How often do we proudly declare “I am a non-conflict person”, write about it in our resume, and then... we can’t stand it. Some take it out on their children, some hide their dissatisfaction in body illness, some experience chronic stress, even depression. This is the law: unexpressed negative emotions must be disposed of somewhere. And we accumulate and accumulate: resentment, anger, irritation, disappointment, pain and continue to remain very COMFORTABLE for everyone. For EVERYONE, but not for YOURSELF. We look sideways and condemningly at those who are not shy about expressing their opinions, saying: “What bad manners!” or “What selfishness!”
Let's figure it out. The first thing a person encounters is his own emotions in the process of gaining life experience. They underlie needs, and they also form behavioral strategies . Vital, basic needs (food, sleep, safety, etc.) are satisfied a priori, but social (need for love, respect and recognition), spiritual/ideological (self-realization and self-development) and combined ones depend on the prevailing strategy behavior. We have three of these: the strategy of aggressive behavior, regression or withdrawal .
Aggression is expressed in response to dissatisfaction directly - in the form of verbal (verbal), physical attacks, covertly - in the form of manipulative tactics, or through an agreement. In the latter form, it happens like this: a person experiences anger, but understands the expediency and consequences of its manifestation, that is, analyzes and correlates his actions with the desired result, and then begins to negotiate, build a comfortable zone convenient for both parties.
Regression is the same “eating”, “therapeutic” shopping, hysterics, finally. That is, a return to childhood, to childhood joys or manifestations of childhood sadness. But such unconscious “joys” can turn into bulimia (gluttony), consumption of drugs and alcoholic beverages. That is, everything that causes temporary euphoria and the illusion that everything is fine. This is replacement behavior. But at the same time, the need (for example, to get a good job) is not satisfied, the problem is not solved.
If from childhood you were taught to hide your emotions, forced to go to your room or corner to worry, an exit strategy is formed.
Withdrawal is a very common strategy that leads to many maladaptive behaviors: divorce, for example. Either leaving institutions, withdrawing into oneself, workaholism, joining sects, socially destructive groups. But these are relatively large events, and there are a lot of small ones: remaining silent in the face of injustice, not protecting oneself during psychological pressure, avoiding conflict, hiding in a corner, sitting out in one’s “room”, that is, this is a position of flight , avoiding the very entry into conflict. And all sorts of family “silences”—whole volumes could be written here.
The first strategy is constructive, since the individual seeks to satisfy his needs. It predominates among leaders, among “tops,” and is characteristic of persistent people. Problematic issues are resolved using this strategy. However, there is one “but” here - the second party to the conflict, whose interests must be taken into account. After a fight - reconciliation, after an agreement - mutual compliance with the points of the agreement. Strategies of regression and withdrawal must be conscious, then they will not cause harm; it is better to use them rarely. Teaching yourself and your children to recognize strategies for getting out of conflict situations is extremely important; it increases adaptation, both personal and social.
But all our behavior is based on emotions, let’s return to them.
Emotions , negative or positive, are our most important “beacons” in life. These beacons are very adaptive and their neurochemical mechanisms are honed by evolution and embedded in our genes. But a reasonable person loves to distort everything.
Being non-conflict is beneficial!
A.I. Shipilov,
Doctor of Psychological Sciences, Professor of Moscow University of Education and Science
Published in the issue: Personnel of the enterprise No. 2 / 2002
For a personnel employee, the problem of the relationship between a manager and a subordinate is very relevant. The specifics of his activities are such that the focus is constantly on issues of management efficiency, leadership style, the authority of the leader, and optimization of the socio-psychological climate in the team. Success in solving these problems largely depends on the correct establishment of relationships in the “manager-subordinate” link and the ability of a personnel employee to prevent conflicts
"vertically".
Experience of many specialists in the field of personnel management
indicates that career success and overall performance results largely depend on the ability of
a personnel
employee
in a non-
. A middle manager relatively often acts as both a leader and a subordinate.
Make communication between the manager and subordinates conflict-free
The following recommendations will help you.
1. Set clear, specific, and achievable goals for your subordinates.
. The order must be given in simple, clear language. Do not allow uncertainty or ambiguity in the content of the order. The task must correspond to the capabilities of the subordinate.
2. Ensure the task can be completed
. Giving a subordinate the initiative in carrying out the given order does not mean the manager’s self-removal from ensuring its implementation.
3. When giving instructions, orders, and also making demands on subordinates, be based on the law.
Do not go against regulatory requirements, do not infringe on the human dignity of your subordinates.
4. Ensure ongoing monitoring of the execution of the order
. Such control reduces the likelihood of conflicts and guarantees high quality implementation of instructions. But it should not turn into petty custody.
5. Don’t rush to make an unambiguous assessment of your subordinate’s performance results
. If you are not sure that you have thoroughly studied the results of your subordinate’s activities, then it is better not to rush into the assessment.
6. Evaluate what a subordinate has achieved based on the initial state of affairs and the successes of other subordinates.
This is more correct than being based only on the results of specific work performed by him.
7. Criticize after you praise.
. By starting a conversation with a subordinate with the positive aspects of his work, you will thereby set him up for a positive attitude towards you. Criticism coming from you will be perceived more constructively.
8. Criticize and evaluate not the person, but the action, the results of the employee’s activities
. The transition to personal assessments using general formulations (“you can never complete anything on time”; “you are always dishonest”; “you are constantly late for work”, etc.) provokes a subordinate to conflict.
9. When giving a critical assessment to a subordinate, do not transfer it to the entire social group to which he belongs
. This especially concerns the nationality of the subordinate, as well as the characteristics of the social group that is significant for him.
10. When communicating with a subordinate, demonstrate that in terms of your psychological status you recognize equality between you
. You can be older in age, position, higher in income and in many other respects. It `s naturally. However, in terms of psychological status, people are equal. Everyone intuitively strives to ensure that in this parameter they are not inferior to their work colleagues. Moreover, the subordinate wants his superiors to respect this status.
11. Don’t make subordinates scapegoats for your management mistakes.
. There are no people who don't make mistakes. Don't be afraid to damage your authority. Honesty and integrity are always appreciated by people, especially if these qualities are manifested in a leader.
12. Be fair and honest towards subordinates
. Remember that what people dislike most is injustice. Ultimately, all revolutions, riots, riots, and other social upheavals and conflicts were due to the fact that one of the parties tried to restore justice. Of course, different people have different meanings for the concept of “justice”. However, as M. Aurelius noted, “a person must be honest and fair by nature, and not by circumstances.”
13. Be moderate in showing negative emotions towards subordinates
. Anger, anger, frustration are bad advisers when solving any problem. Seneca was right when he pointed out that “the strongest is the one who has the power to govern himself.”
14. Do not turn your subordinates into a “lightning rod” for your conflictual relations with your superiors.
. By discharging your negative emotions after an unpleasant interaction with your boss onto your subordinates, you will stabilize your internal state. However, by doing so you create a new source of conflict tension, but now with subordinates.
15. Try to rarely punish your subordinates; rather, help them correct their mistakes
. This strategy will give good results in the future: fewer offenses - fewer conflicts, fewer punishments - fewer problems.
16. Respect the rights of subordinates
. Even an employee who performs his job duties poorly has very specific rights as a citizen. With any degree of guilt for an offense, the subordinate will defend his rights even through conflict.
17. When criticizing a subordinate, indicate possible ways to correct errors and miscalculations in work
. As Plutarch rightly noted, “it is easy to find a mistake, the difficulties begin when you try to correct it.”
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to optimally and constructively establish relationships with subordinates and constantly build relationships with them according to the type of business cooperation. Whether we like it or not, contradictions or, in other words, problematic situations often arise in vertical relationships. How to deal with them, what strategy to choose to solve the problem constructively?
Strategy one: changing your attitude to the situation and behavior in it
You can influence a problem situation using two strategies: influence your behavior or influence the psyche and behavior of your opponent. The second strategy is more complex, since it is not always possible to completely and constantly control the actions and position of the interlocutor. It is easier to change the behavior of another if it is a subordinate. It is more difficult to do this in relation to an equal, and even more so in relation to a senior in social status. Therefore, first we will consider ways and techniques for correcting our attitude towards a pre-conflict situation and behavior in it. This strategy does not involve only concession
to his opponent, as many often believe. Basically, it consists of competent communication in a situation of contradiction.
— Develop the ability to identify a pre-conflict situation and take prompt measures to return to normal interaction.
A pre-conflict situation usually does not arise suddenly, but gradually. It is important to determine in time that the emotional intensity of the dispute is beginning to exceed the permissible level, and to competently stop it. Signs of an aggravated dispute may include facial expressions, redness of the face, gestures, content, pace and timbre of speech.
You can stop or smooth out an escalating dispute using the following techniques:
— to say that you are right in some ways, and your opponent is right in others, which, by the way, usually happens;
- reduce the problem to a joke;
- change the conversation to another topic;
- yield if the issue in the dispute is not particularly important to you, and a verbal concession does not oblige you to take any action to implement it;
- say that you did not have time to comprehensively understand the problem and invite your opponent to return to discussing it, for example, tomorrow (when the emotions “subside”).
— There is no point in immediately reacting with conflict to your opponent’s actions if you are not sure that you were understood correctly.
This is a subjective condition for preventing conflicts. The information your partner communicates to you may be lost and distorted, sometimes significantly. In addition, the interlocutor may not evaluate the problem under discussion from the same positions as you. These two reasons, rather than actual differences between people, can cause an argument. It is advisable to avoid disputes generated by misunderstanding each other and different approaches to the problem.
— Be tolerant of other people.
Tolerance is a person's tolerance for dissent. Tolerance often helps prevent conflicts from arising. If you find that your partner is wrong about something, you don’t have to prove it to him. It is enough that you have understood it more deeply than him and know it. Sometimes it is necessary to tell your opponent that he is wrong, but it is not necessary to do this in front of witnesses, insist that he publicly admit that he was wrong, etc. Be firm in relation to the problem, in fulfilling the requirements of the case, and soft in relation to people.
— Be aware that you need to reduce your irritability and aggressiveness.
The socio-economic environment in which the Russian grew up and the current socio-economic situation contribute to the formation of increased anxiety and aggressiveness in him. This affects the nature of a person’s relationship with others, increasing his conflict level. You can reduce your own anxiety and aggressiveness by using various psychotechnical and physical exercises, organizing proper rest for yourself, maintaining a favorable socio-psychological climate at work, in the family, etc. We will consider in more detail the psychological conditions for correcting the emotional state in one of the following issues of the journal.
— If you are overtired or overexcited, do not take on the solution to a problematic situation in your relationship with a subordinate.
The current mental state changes during the day under the influence of various circumstances, sometimes significantly.
Work performance, degree of fatigue, communication with colleagues, physiological state of the body, weather, etc. - all this affects the state of a person’s psyche and, consequently, his conflict. Each person can assess what state he is in at the moment and take this into account in order to prevent conflicts that may be caused by his own irritation.
For example, half an hour before a meeting that you are holding with subordinates, you went to the CEO to solve a difficult problem. The conversation with him developed in such a way that several comments were made to you, unfair and even insulting. Since these remarks were unexpected for you, you did not immediately find what to answer, and after the end of the conversation, you went to your meeting in a depressed-aggressive state. Negative emotions, which in this situation are a natural reaction to unfair remarks from the boss, did not disappear by the beginning of the meeting. They were repressed from consciousness into the subconscious. Therefore, if during a meeting you justifiably (as it seems to you) yell at one of your subordinates, then the reason for this yelling may not be the fault of this subordinate, but your repressed negative emotions after an unpleasant conversation with your boss. Essentially, your scream was intended for the boss, but went to the subordinate. This is why you need to avoid such situations.
— Remember that in a difficult situation you can always try to negotiate, and in case of failure, it may be worth reacting harshly.
People around us, just like us, have their own interests and have the right to defend them. In the process of interaction, the clash of interests of different people and different social groups is natural and inevitable. However, there is no inevitability of resolving social contradictions through conflicts.
— When communicating with a subordinate, it is advisable to smile at least occasionally.
A smile has four positive functions. It shows that everything is fine with you.
People are very happy to communicate with those who have achieved success. Most likely, this is due to an unconscious desire to borrow from the winner the experience of achieving success, with the hope of receiving useful information, etc. If a person has problems and it is written on his face, then others may avoid communicating with him. A smile shows that a person is happy with the interlocutor. This promotes conflict-free problem solving. According to the law of emotional contagion, a smile causes a communication partner to reciprocally like the person smiling. It leads to a decrease in negative emotions, if the person smiling has them.
— Don't expect too much from others - both bosses and subordinates - in a positive way.
Negative emotions are one of the main factors contributing to conflicts.
They are often a person’s reaction to a noticeable and significant discrepancy between the actual course of events and the one he expected. There are three ways to minimize negative emotions
:
— it is necessary to be able to predict well possible scenarios for the development of events. The more accurate the forecast, the less negative emotions;
— it is desirable to have the ability to change the course of events in the right direction if they begin to develop differently than expected;
— you need to count not only on the best, but also on the worst case scenario, and be prepared for it. If the development of events does not live up to expectations, which often happens, this will cause negative emotions in a person. You need to be able to do good unselfishly, without expecting to receive anything in return. It is advisable not to overestimate your forecast regarding the possible actions of others.
— Show genuine interest in the subordinate's position.
This recommendation by D. Carnegie helps prevent interpersonal conflicts.
Sincere interest is manifested in the desire to understand the problems of a communication partner, in the desire to help him, at least with advice. In the complex and difficult modern life, people often need sympathy. Interest in the problems of your interlocutor should not be artificial, feigned, but sincere. This style of communication is necessary in the activities of a personnel officer and personnel psychologist.
— Build personal conflict tolerance.
Conflict resistance is a person’s ability to maintain constructive ways of interacting with others despite the influence of conflict-generating factors. This is an important individual psychological condition for preventing conflicts. People with low conflict tolerance can easily get into conflict over a trifle. Low resistance to the effects of conflict-generating factors is a negative personality quality. High conflict resistance is especially necessary for managers, social workers, and conflict specialists themselves.
Conflict resistance depends on four groups of factors:
— psychophysiological
— manifested in emotional-volitional stability;
— cognitive
— manifested as human mental cognitive processes;
— motivational
— manifested in the direction of a person’s personality and his motives in a specific communication situation;
— socio-psychological
— reflecting the socio-psychological characteristics of the individual, stereotypes of his interaction with others.
— Don't forget about your sense of humor.
It is difficult to overestimate the role of a healthy sense of humor in preventing conflicts. A witty boss will always be able to humorously react to certain problematic situations in relations with a subordinate.
Strategy two: try to influence your opponent's behavior
Let's consider the main ways and techniques of influencing an opponent, his attitude towards a pre-conflict situation and behavior in it.
— Provide a clear and specific argument.
When indicating your position, you must be able to use the necessary data, facts, and legal grounds that make your demands justified, necessary and appropriate. If you have a problematic situation in your relationship with a subordinate, then, of course, you can use your administrative resource “to the fullest.” However, behind the external consent of a subordinate there will always be hidden bewilderment, dissatisfaction, and even hidden resistance. Therefore, it is better to convince your subordinate of the solution to the problem that you insist on.
— Do not demand the impossible from others, imagine the limits of their concessions and abilities for various types of activities.
This condition for preventing conflicts, formulated, like the following, based on the recommendations of D. Carnegie, has two aspects.
Firstly, if, for example, your deputy has illegible handwriting, then it is useless to require him to personally fill out personnel documentation in calligraphic handwriting. Moreover, such a requirement is conflict-provoking. If an employee has a poor memory, then he should not be assigned tasks that require excellent memory. If his job requires excellent memory, then he either needs to train and improve it, or he needs to be offered another job.
Secondly, when setting tasks, indicate realistic deadlines for their completion. Unrealistic deadlines for completing work lead to the fact that subordinates do it quickly, but poorly, or do not meet the deadline. Both results of activity can lead to conflict with the boss who set the task. The reason for the conflict is timing. The task of managers is not to force a subordinate to do something for which he has neither the desire nor the ability, but to find something he likes, to create conditions that allow him to improve himself and successfully cope with his responsibilities.
— Do not try to change the behavior of a subordinate on the basis of the “here and now” principle, much less re-educate him.
If an employee is valuable to the company due to his professional qualities, but is not completely satisfied with certain character traits, then you need to choose: either say goodbye to him, or try to correct his behavior. In the second option, you can use two strategies:
- you begin to periodically point out to him a negative trait, saying that it interferes with you and other members of the team, or during a friendly conversation, having given your subordinate a sincere and well-deserved compliment, you gently tell him about the shortcoming, emphasizing that it is quite possible to live with it, but without this defect he would have become an even more respected man;
- you strive to eliminate shortcomings not by harsh criticism, thereby causing natural resistance in a person, but by trying to create in him a desire himself
correct the deficiency, since it hinders
him
, not you.
The first strategy is ineffective and conflict-prone, the second gives much better results.
— Take into account the emotional state of your subordinate and do not try to discuss acute problems if there is a high probability of an aggressive reaction on his part.
Just as your mental state changes, so does the mood of your interaction partner. To prevent conflicts, you must be able to assess the current mood of your opponent. If he is overly aggressive, then it is inappropriate to start discussing an acute problem with him. In this case, the problem most likely will not be resolved and a conflict is possible. It is necessary to choose the “appropriate” time to discuss controversial issues.
— Learn to assess the state of your subordinate by nonverbal manifestations.
Knowledge of the patterns of nonverbal behavior (gestures, facial expressions, body postures, intonation, spatial orientation, articulation properties and other manifestations) of a person will help to more deeply and quickly assess the true intentions of the interlocutor and detect the threat of conflict in advance.
— Inform your subordinate in a timely manner that his actions infringe on your interests.
A person often doesn’t even know himself completely. It is very difficult to have a correct understanding of the values, motives, and weaknesses of other people. Therefore, if someone around you infringes on your interests, it is possible that he is not doing this on purpose. After all, he may simply not realize that his actions intersect with your interests. At the same time, initially there is no need to demand any action from the one who causes you harm. You just need to inform him about how your interests are affected. If a person has harmed you without knowing it, and is well-mannered, he will apologize and stop blocking your interests without further requests.
— Be firm in relation to the problem and lenient in relation to the subordinate himself.
A typical mistake in the interaction of opponents is their equal rigidity towards the problem and the opponent. The position must be flexible. It is necessary to show that you understand your opponent’s weaknesses and do not deprive him of the right to them. If you were in his place, you might have taken a similar position. However, a fair decision will be one that takes into account not only his interests, but also your interests. A soft position towards your opponent compensates for the rigidity of protecting your interests. This will reduce the likelihood of conflict, increasing your chances of asserting your rights.
— If you let your subordinate talk, you will gain a lot.
This strategy of communicating with your opponent allows you to minimize his negative emotions.
This is very important for a constructive way out of a pre-conflict situation.
— Inform subordinates in advance about your decisions that affect their interests.
A person, as a rule, reacts negatively to unexpected changes in the situation that affect his interests. This reaction is natural. The person is not ready for sudden changes in the situation and is forced to make decisions impromptu. This almost always causes him negative emotions and a negative attitude towards the culprit of complicating his already difficult life. When making decisions, you must always evaluate whose interests it may affect. It's even better to clear these decisions with people before they are made.
— Clearly define the range of problematic issues and under no circumstances expand it during the discussion.
The escalation of the pre-conflict situation is facilitated by the natural expansion of the sphere of counteraction during the discussion of the problem.
To prevent conflicts, it is important to discuss with your opponent only the issue that needs to be resolved. You should not try to simultaneously discuss ways to solve several problems if all of them cause difficulties in reconciling interests. If it is necessary to solve a number of problems, then it is better to start the discussion with the simplest of them, gradually moving on to more complex ones. The danger of conflict increases if criticism extends not only to the opponent’s position, but also to his personality.
— Don't push your subordinate into a corner.
If your opponent made an illiterate decision, then it is advisable to deny yourself the pleasure of publicly exposing his incompetence. You should not do this even if there are reasons for it. A person placed in a hopeless situation, humiliated and insulted, easily enters into sharp conflicts for the sake of preserving honor and dignity. Therefore, in any situation, it is important to leave the opponent the opportunity to “save his face”; he must have the right to retreat while maintaining his self-esteem.
— Use informal contact when discussing a controversial issue.
If communication is official, purely business in nature, then conflicts are more likely to arise than when the interlocutors have established psychological contact. The more your interlocutor is disposed towards you and the more you perceive him not as a stranger, but as a personally significant person, the less likely there are conflicts. To establish informal contact, it is advisable to preface the discussion of business problems with two or three questions of a personal nature - inquire about the health, successes, family, and other problems of the interlocutor. These questions should not be formal, but sincere. It is advisable that during a conversation the eyes of the communication partners are approximately at the same level. Both must either stand or sit.
But don’t overdo it—your goal is to establish informal contact, not informal relationships in general.
— Avoid harsh, categorical and categorical assessments of the behavior and activities of subordinates.
Firstly, the more harshly a person is addressed, the more intensely he is tuned into possible opposition to the source of such treatment. Secondly, categorical judgments are a sign of immaturity of the mind. In addition, you may be mistaken in the assessments you give, and their categoricalness will only aggravate your wrongness.
Thus, competent organization of management activities and conflict-free communication with subordinates help prevent conflicts in the HR manager-subordinate link.
TAX PEOPLE ARE COMING TO YOU!
The editors of Clerk received information from sources in the Federal Tax Service that in 2022 tax authorities will begin to massively withdraw company expenses.
To prepare you for the difficult 2022, Clerk quickly developed a unique course on protection during tax audits . Sign up and receive a gift here .
At the end - a certificate of advanced training (with entry into the FIS FRDO). The program complies with the professional standard “Accountant” (see here) .
Memo. RULES OF A NON-CONFLICT PERSON
RULES OF A NON-CONFLICT PERSON
Various quarrels and unspoken grievances seriously spoil our mood and relationships with others.
How to avoid conflicts, can this be learned? Constantly radiating positivity is not so easy, because unpleasant surprises and attacks from other people await us at every step. But it is simply vital to fight all this negativity. Why is it so important to stop swearing? The main reason to think about how you can avoid conflict is your own mental health. Any rules and techniques in communication will only work if you are ready to change yourself. In no book or article will you find a technique that can force others to adapt to you. The ability to make concessions and find a compromise is the first and most important rule of healthy communication.
Try to pay all your attention to the person with whom you are talking. You shouldn’t be distracted by every passerby, constantly look away and show with your entire appearance that you are not very interested in maintaining a dialogue.
PSYCHOLOGISTS ADVICE
:
Try to understand the one who is rude to you
. At first glance, it seems that this is very difficult. But if you find out about the reasons that pushed a person to stoop so low and insult another, this allows you, at a minimum, not to take rudeness to heart. As the famous children's song says: “A dog only bites because it lives like a dog.” Remember, they are rude when they want to assert themselves.
Keep your distance
. Often a witty answer comes to mind late - when the rude person has already safely disappeared from sight. We agree that self-esteem very often suffers from this, but remember that when speaking rudely, a boor does not even think of entering into a dialogue with you.
Do not enter into a discussion with a rude and arrogant person
. It will be better if you stop talking altogether. Since the interlocutor’s “I” lacks precisely those “receptors” that you are going to influence, your most wonderful and logical arguments will be lost.
The conversation must begin and end completely calmly, calmly and emphatically polite.
Avoid disrespectful epithets and contemptuous intonations. Firstly, this will protect the ace from possible physical attack. Secondly, by remaining on the moral and psychological high ground, you will make the offender feel self-doubt.
If all else fails
, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to create a scandal by telling your interlocutor everything you think about him. One condition! It is necessary to maintain external decency, not show anger and watch your vocabulary.
Use the Socratic Method
. Wanting to destroy an unpleasant interlocutor, Socrates structured his questions to him in such a way that they could only be answered “yes” or “no.” A complex logical chain forced the opponent not only to accept the philosopher’s point of view, but also to admit his own primitiveness.
Act unexpectedly
. Try to gently but persistently explain that they have no right to treat you this way. For example: “I see that you are unhappy with my behavior (action), I’m sorry.” You can also use a manipulative phrase: “Can I help you somehow?” By using these techniques, you will show your strength and at the same time not stoop to tactlessness. Phrases for avoiding conflict
“On what basis are you asking me these questions?” “In this way you show that the aggressor has no right to interfere in your personal life.”
“Is this a statement?”, “Is this an instruction?”, “Is this a question?” — Use such phrases if you feel that you have been touched to the quick, but you don’t understand what exactly you disagree with.
“What makes you say that to me?” - Using this technique, you show the aggressor that he has become a hostage to his own passions and emotions.
“Don’t raise your voice at me,” “Don’t talk to me in that tone.” - Put the offender in his place with phrases that can be imagined with the help of hearing or sight.
“How can I correct the situation so that you no longer want to be rude to me?”
Sometimes you can turn a problem into humor. In response to another insult, try responding with a phrase like: “I won’t compete with you in wit, because I don’t hit unarmed people,” “Aren’t you tired of yourself?”
If you are being bullied on purpose, then in some cases it is worth showing the person how unpleasant he is to you. For example: “Do you think badly of me? So keep it to yourself, as I do when you see me. I never told you that you have bad teeth, dirty hair and sore skin.”
Remember that conflict arises where there is a lack of mutual understanding. Once you establish relationships, the rudeness disappears by itself. Unfortunately, these days, rudeness has become the norm, not the exception to the rule.
Source :
https://www.liveinternet.ru/users/32657
https://www.krasulya.ru/sex-love/1301-kak-izbezhat-konfliktov.html
https://ru.wikipedia.org/ "Wikipedia".
https://lib.rus.ec/b/176683/read -Crib on conflictology.
Antsupov A.Ya., Shipilov A.I. Study of conflicts in psychology // Psychology of conflict: Reader / Comp. and general ed. N.V. Grishina. - St. Petersburg: Peter, 2001. - P.202-206.
Dragunova T.V. The problem of conflict in adolescence // Questions of psychology. - 1972. - No. 2. - P. 25-37.
