In our environment we very often meet people with different personalities and temperaments. Some behave brightly and expressively, gathering other people around their active personality, while others shun society to some extent, behave with restraint and aloofness. As a rule, it is quite difficult to establish contact and interact with such people. But in order to understand exactly how to approach communication with a silent person, you need to know what reason lies behind his detachment. It could either be something personal or just a personality type.
Silence as a personality quality
Silent people are introverts, they do not take their experiences outside, they are immersed in their own thoughts and feelings. They are not comfortable in noisy companies, they concentrate on the situation, and experience anxiety when communicating with strangers. They are characterized by isolation, they rarely open up even to their loved ones and will think carefully before saying something.
Signs inherent in silent ones:
- a small number of friends;
- avoid mass events;
- they are nervous before an event where they need to talk a lot;
- prefer to relax alone or with loved ones.
If silence is a personality quality, then such behavior will accompany her throughout her life.
Psychology
Silence, as a rule, is accompanied by a certain number of features that one way or another form a unique type of this category of people. Most often, silence is accompanied by a sad or thoughtful expression on the face; such people most often make an unfavorable impression upon first meeting.
Also, the most characteristic feature of silent people is that they do not like noisy parties and large groups. They mostly communicate in a small circle of people, they have few friends, and they plan their time in a quiet, calm environment. This is the psychology of silent people.
There is also a certain category of people who have this feature due to certain complexes coming from childhood. As a rule, such people are very embarrassed by the fact that they create the impression of being offended or sad, so they constantly apologize for their “inappropriate” mood in an unfamiliar company, which further increases some awkwardness between people.
In a small company of good friends who know such a person quite well, he can behave confidently and openly, communicate a lot on various topics and not show complexes and silence.
Is silence always bad?
Silent people do not talk too much and know how to listen to their interlocutor. There is a lot of information noise in the world; people talk without hearing each other. Silent people treat every word with respect and are known as polite people.
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If grief happens, the introvert does not want to talk. In this case, he simply needs to remain silent. The psychology of a silent person allows you to experience the strongest feelings and experiences, protects you from unnecessary advice and moralizing.
In a conflict situation, the ability to shut up in time will save the relationship. Out of emotion, a person says unnecessary things without thinking about the consequences. In response to such a situation, it is best to show self-control and not participate in the conversation. Silent people do not respond to attacks, they speak only to the point - as a result, the conflict ends.
If it’s uncomfortable to say “No” and refuse a friend, then you can remain silent. This will save you from having to make excuses or tell lies, and the interlocutor himself will understand everything.
The “silence is golden” rule works great in situations where you need to hide your own stupidity. If you do not understand something, then it is better not to enter into a discussion.
Rules in communication
Silent people often store a storehouse of valuable information and are very interesting interlocutors. The main thing is to choose the right approach in communication and create conditions for them in which they will feel comfortable and make contact.
To do this, you need to understand what causes silence. If a person is simply not in the mood today, then most likely it is better not to touch him. And if this is a certain type of character or various types of complexes originating from childhood, then it is necessary to adhere to the tactics of unobtrusive friendly conversation.
You should not be assertive and impudent, this can provoke a silent person to become even more closed. It is also undesirable to ask questions of this kind directly: “Why are you so sad?”, “Why are you silent all the time?” The main thing is not to forget that genuine sincerity and participation will help to establish contact even with the most unsociable person.
Excessive silence
Mental pain and emotional discomfort become the reasons for excessive silence. If a stranger violates your boundaries, then there is a desire not to respond and to protect your personal space silently.
Excessive silence occurs in a stressful situation. Then a person plunges into the inner world, suffers and endures. In this case, silent agreement with what is happening aggravates the situation. A silent person, by his behavior, gives the impression that he is satisfied with everything, even if this is not at all the case. The interlocutor who causes unpleasant feelings may not be aware of this.
If a person is too silent, he cannot start a conversation and respond to his interlocutor. His phrases are monosyllabic, any information has to be pulled out. This behavior occurs at any age and is caused by psychological trauma. Introverts most often suffer; the more pronounced this character trait is, the greater the risk of this condition.
Reasons for excessive silence
Excessive silence depends on the current emotional state and character of the individual. Reasons for reticence:
- Personal experiences. If a person cannot let go of thoughts about troubles, then he cannot carry on a conversation.
- Fatigue, physical malaise.
- Lack of communication skills - most common in adolescents.
- Shyness, fear of communication. Occurs after psychological trauma or negative experience.
- Vulnerability, lack of self-confidence, dependence on other people's opinions.
- Complexes, fear of focusing on shortcomings during a conversation.
- Difficult relationships with parents in childhood.
If a person is usually sociable, but is silent in the same company, then perhaps the team is unpleasant to him.
Women's silence
It is not common for women to be silent, but sometimes they become silent for no apparent reason.
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The fair half does not say a word if there is nothing else to say. Then glances and gestures come into play. Thus, the emotions and feelings of a woman are conveyed.
Another reason for silence is resentment. If feelings are offended, then the girl continues the dialogue within herself. Reluctance to communicate may arise from not knowing what to talk about next.
More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.
If a woman falls silent during a conversation with a man, then she wants to remind you that she is not just an opponent, but a representative of the fair sex. The girl understands that words cannot win, and resorts to body language.
Closedness
It is also important not to confuse concepts such as silence and isolation. Closedness can be called a state of a person when, due to serious psychological reasons, problems with self-esteem, a person refuses to interact with society. These are slightly different, more serious problems with self-awareness, self-esteem and psychological state.
At that time, a simply uncommunicative person may have only slight complexes about himself, shyness or a certain type of temperament, which in no way prevents him from existing calmly in society.
Male silence
Men tend to be silent. A secretive, taciturn gentleman causes a feeling of misunderstanding in women. Reasons why men are silent:
- upbringing;
- fear of being ridiculed or misunderstood;
- fear of appearing in a different role, losing face;
- reluctance to communicate with women because of sad experiences;
- low self-esteem;
- excessive modesty, shyness, indecisiveness;
- rejection of the interlocutor.
Silent men find it difficult to speak in public, meet girls, and go on dates with them. Such personalities do not like telephone calls, but can open up in correspondence.
Alexander Baluev likes to relax in silence. In the acting community, he was known as a silent man who would not say too much. “In a team, sometimes I stop feeling like an individual,” says Alexander.
How to overcome silence?
What to do if you recognize yourself in the description of a person who is used to punishing others with silence?
Remember your childhood. This is probably how your parents treated you. You have internalized this pattern of behavior and are now transmitting it into your adult life. Instead of remaining silent, try to speak and clarify.
If your interlocutor does not have telepathic capabilities, he may well not understand why you are silent on him. Yes, it's quite difficult at first, but try it! And you will see how much time you waste, how quickly a conflict can be resolved, and how little it sometimes takes to understand each other.
How to stop being silent
You cannot remain silent during an interview, at a speech, or when taking an exam, but shy people cannot cope with themselves. There are several ways to help get rid of this problem:
- do not pay attention to the opinions of others;
- develop self-confidence;
- believe in success;
- don't be afraid of mistakes;
- set goals and achieve them;
- smile;
- talk about yourself;
- become friendly;
- find people with whom you can be yourself.
Silent people should relax and not get hung up on the peculiarities of their character.
Read more about how to stop being silent →
Silence as manipulation
In everyday life, everything happens completely differently. In everyday life, silence is used mainly as punishment or as a way to manipulate.
Couples come to me who are able to remain silent for weeks. Parents who discipline their children with silence. Children who silently protest against, as it seems to them, universal injustice.
This is done consciously and also for the benefit - but not for your interlocutor, but for yourself. After all, silence sometimes causes so much tension that it turns into real torture...
If you notice that there is some tension in the air, if you are trying to clarify the situation, ask your partner clarifying questions: “What is happening? Is there something wrong? Is there something you want to tell me?” - and they are silent in response to you, most likely, they are trying to rudely manipulate you.
Have you written a message that takes a few days to get answered? Are they ignoring you and then continuing to behave as if nothing happened? They don’t explain anything to you, making it clear that something is “wrong” exclusively with you?
This is painful to accept, but such silence is ignorance, which can easily be attributed to one of the types of psychological violence.
This kind of abuse, or gaslighting as it is called, is quite dangerous. Since the person does not seem to be insulted, not beaten, not deprived of food and water, nothing is presented to him, but at the same time he is so uncomfortable that the words are already coming out of his lips: “Do at least something, just don’t be silent!”
But since there is no open aggression, it seems absurd to defend against silence. And therefore, despite the discomfort, the one who is ignored sees no reason to sort things out. And it’s uncomfortable precisely because of the state of uncertainty (“What’s going on?”), because of the feeling of guilt (“What should I do to make this stop?”) and because of the anxiety that intensifies with every minute of silence...
Interesting facts about silent people
Some people speak little because those around them already say a lot of words. Silent people are smart and prefer not to waste their time explaining obvious things. They are observant when talking, analyze, think before continuing the conversation.
Observation
Taciturn people spend little time on words; they can observe the interlocutor and identify interesting nuances. Such individuals are ready to perceive non-verbal information, react to the mood of others, they see what is hidden from the eyes of others. Thanks to this, silent people correctly assess the situation and draw conclusions.
Outstanding analytical skills
Low-communication people have outstanding analytical skills. They evaluate circumstances, reason, break down the situation into its components and choose a solution.
Increased intuition
Silent people focus on themselves and listen to their own feelings. They have highly developed intuition. They are aware of emotions, feel the mood of the interlocutor, and observe the situation.
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Such individuals intuitively understand when it is possible to speak and when it is better to remain silent. They accept both sides of an argument, have an optimistic view of the world, but react sharply to criticism.
Vulnerability
Silent people react sharply to criticism addressed to them; they are hurt by everything that they do not want to hear. This quality is present in men and women. They criticize themselves, worry deeply about what happened, and can lead themselves to depression.
They like to be at home
Silent people are introverts and prefer to spend time alone. The best place to relax is at home, where you don’t have to strain, put on a mask and fight indecision.
Sometimes communication is too hard
Speaking in front of an audience is a challenge for people of few words. Silent people do not know how to come up with topics for communication on the fly; they answer questions in monosyllables. Communication with an unfamiliar person becomes a burden.
Why is silence awkward?
When silence hangs in the air, most people actually feel uneasy. It’s awkward from the thought that your interlocutor is as awkward as you are, and now you already feel guilty for this other person’s awkwardness, and after this - anxiety and frantically select a topic for conversation...
Yes, it’s really very difficult for people to tolerate other people’s silence. At trainings for psychologists, they often play this game: participants in a conversation sit opposite each other and are silent... Tracking what is happening with each of them. Feeling your level of discomfort.
We do this deliberately, because sometimes silence is truly golden. By pausing a little longer than usual, the interlocutor can open up much more deeply than if you interrupt him by asking questions, barely hearing a pause in the words. We “manage” this level of discomfort to the benefit of our client.
