Surely you have seen many films and TV series about how mentalists read thoughts and emotions simply by looking at a person and noticing his facial expressions and gestures. Some people are given this skill from birth, while others only with experience. If you think that reading people is difficult, we will dispel your doubts and try to teach indicators that will allow you to “see” your interlocutor.
Look down
If your interlocutor constantly looks down or at his hands, it means he experiences a feeling of shame. If you notice a sudden change in mood, then most likely you expressed something that makes him ashamed or uncomfortable. Or they brought up an awkward topic of conversation. If you initially notice this behavior, expect unpleasant news from your interlocutor, which may upset you. In addition, reading people means helping yourself to react correctly and perceive their words.
True or false: read the eyes
Eyes dart around... A well-known sign of lying. But popular wisdom generalizes everything too much. The psychology of lies (it turns out that there is such a branch of science) approaches this point in more detail and attributes different meanings to each individual direction of view. NLP also operates with this knowledge and offers the following scheme for “calibrating” lies:
- up to the left - a person remembers what actually happened, tries to visually imagine the subject of conversation or the answer to a question;
- up to the right - dreams, fantasizes, draws a visual image in his thoughts, thinks about something that does not exist in reality;
- to the left – creates or reproduces sound images in the mind: other people’s statements, judgments, phrases, melody, noise;
- to the right - the interlocutor selects the right words, weighs each phrase so as not to offend or reveal his awkward position;
- down to the left - absorbed in one’s own thoughts, withdrawn into oneself, solving a difficult problem or engaged in introspection;
- down to the right - remembers what he actually experienced and felt, restores his feelings in memory.
In the article “NLP, what is it and how will it help you right now,” I already explained this abbreviation and described this technique. I recommend reading it.
We make all such movements unconsciously, because learning to control the movement of our gaze during a conversation will require a considerable effort of will. I will add: if the object of your observations is left-handed, you will have to turn the described coordinate system 180 degrees so that “left” becomes “right” and vice versa.
Why is it so useful to learn how to read people?
The point is that the better you can evaluate those around you, the more the right people will be around you. In your personal life, this will help you weed out deceitful people, and in business, it will help you build business relationships correctly. And, in fact, it is not as difficult as it seems at first glance. It just naturally takes practice and experience. After some time, analyzing emotions, facial expressions and gestures, you will intuitively feel falsehood or, conversely, pure thoughts and a good attitude towards you.
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To see feelings, you just have to look closely
The whole trick is that the eyes react very actively to a person’s thoughts, his internal state. This is a kind of screen on which our emotions are broadcast - whether we want it or not.
It turns out that in order to understand what the interlocutor is experiencing at one time or another and what he is thinking about, you just need to closely follow his gaze and correctly interpret each change. The pupils provide a lot of information. What they can tell us:
- expansion - sincere surprise, amazement;
- narrowing - anger, indignation, hostility;
- disorderly movement - lies, pretense;
- immobility – detachment, withdrawal, internal dialogue.
Monitoring the pupils is practically a matter of jewellery. It can reveal the most subtle feelings and thoughts of a person. This is how an attentive man (on a subconscious level, of course) understands that a woman is in love with him, even if she tries to hide it with all her appearance.
However, in each specific situation it is important to take into account external factors as well. After all, the cause of changes can be purely physiological reactions of the pupil: in bright light or physical pain it narrows, in darkness it expands.
"Eyes to eyes"
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Such contact with the interlocutor indicates that he is very interested in talking with you. Prolonged eye contact may indicate that the person is scared and/or doesn't trust you. Brief eye contact means the person is anxious and/or uninterested in talking to you. And the complete lack of eye contact indicates the complete indifference of your interlocutor to your conversation.
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What can your eyes tell you?
We can actually access information about a person just by looking into their eyes. According to the Reading the Mind in the Eyes (RMET) study, conducted in 2003 by psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his team at the University of Cambridge, people have the ability to recognize the internal psychological state of the interlocutor by observing his eyes.
An article in The Week states: “Human eyes build a bridge between themselves and those around them, giving direct access to the inner state of another person. And this phenomenon is unique to humans.”
Important skill
The ability to see the connection between a person’s thoughts and facial expressions is important not only for intelligence officers, but also for us, ordinary law-abiding citizens. Knowledge of the basics of physiognomy can be useful in many situations. For example…
- In a relationship between a man and a woman . When a feeling arises between young people, the ability to read thoughts in the face helps to better understand your loved one, not invent anything unnecessary, not make mountains out of molehills, and not worry about trifles. And in family relationships, knowledge of physiognomy eliminates incorrect reactions to words and related complications.
- In relationships with teenage children . Almost every family experiences the difficulties of a son or daughter's transition. At the age of 13-14 years, when the psycho-physics of a growing child changes, when he begins to move away from his parents, not to let them into his inner world, contact is broken, mutual understanding disappears. Parents often complain that their son or daughter is lying or hiding something. This is where the ability to read faces comes in handy, and thus know what is going on in the head of an over-aged child.
- When communicating with a small child . If a baby is just learning to talk, he cannot always explain what is bothering him. But almost any mother in such a situation demonstrates the skills of a psychic - she easily guesses and correctly interprets all the feelings that are reflected on the child’s face. It must be admitted that dads succeed in this to a much lesser extent.
- At work, in communication with superiors or subordinates . It is not customary to openly express emotions here. You can guess the hidden reasons for certain statements by observing the employee’s facial expression.
- In business, in communication with partners . In this area, being a subtle psychologist is simply necessary. During business negotiations, when discussing projects, concluding contracts, the ability to feel the interlocutor is as important as the ability to think analytically and quickly calculate all risks.
- And in many other situations that arise in everyday life, be it communication with the class teacher of a schoolchild, or with a tax inspector, or with a lawyer conducting divorce proceedings, when a quick and correct reaction is required.
Exposing Lies
Read also - 7 reasons why men take off their wedding rings
Surely you have often wanted to know whether a loved one is telling the truth or mercilessly lying. So, you can try to find out by his or her look. There is one tricky trick for this. First, ask the person you want to test a question to which you know the exact answer.
If he looks up and to the right, it means that at that moment he is about to answer the truth. If it goes up and then to the left, it means he is going to lie. This will also be visible from your facial expression. Usually in this situation, fear and confusion are clearly written on the face.
Photographee.eu/shutterstock
Special exercises
- One of the simplest exercises that can prepare you to read people's thoughts in the future is to read information from an object that was recently in the possession of or belongs to a particular person.
You can use any object for the exercise. A prerequisite is to completely turn off your thoughts. When coming into contact with an object, it is necessary to capture the thoughts that arise. There is no need to confuse these thoughts with personal associations. If this kind of training is regular, then in the near future it will be possible to read a person’s thoughts from a distance. - To make the exercises more effective, you can also involve the person whose thoughts you want to read. To do this, the person must be in front of you and, at your request, think about something. Your task is to concentrate on his thoughts and read them. You can read your thoughts by putting together the cards or images that pop up in your head.
- A fairly effective exercise that allows you to train the ability to read a person’s thoughts at a distance is to use a regular clock with an arrow.
In order to get the maximum benefit from the exercise, you can retire with this device in a dark place where there are no irritating factors. The training consists of listening to the ticking of a clock, which you will gradually have to move closer and further away from your ear, and not think about anything. This is a kind of meditation that will allow you to relax at the right time. - Training your inner telepath.
Everything is quite simple and accessible. To perform this exercise, no auxiliary paraphernalia is required. It is enough to go outside, to a public place and start training, which consists of concentrating on the energy of the person whose thought you want to read. For example, you see a couple walking. Try to predict what she will do in 1 minute, in which direction she will continue moving, etc. Or concentrate on the person sitting on the next bench. What will be his next actions? Regular exercises of this nature contribute to the training of telepathy, which plays an important role in predicting what a person is thinking about.
Read your eyes
Paulina Andreeva
Prologue
I stand and look at him like a ram at a new gate and cannot take a single breath. How could it happen that we met on the other side of the country, in a city with a population of millions?
The ground disappears from under his feet, and he is calm, like a boa constrictor. How long have we not seen each other? Five? No, almost seven years.
He has matured, he no longer has youthful sweetness, he is a real example of brutal beauty in all its manifestations. Tall, broad-shouldered, so self-confident, a typical male, at whose feet women of all ages fall on their knees.
My stream of thoughts was interrupted by Semyon.
— Good afternoon, Andrey Vyacheslavovich! Let me introduce our young talent. Elizaveta Antonovna, the youngest Head of a division of our company.
He looked very carefully, as if he was scanning me with his eyes. He didn’t undress me, although that was also present in his gaze, but it looked more like he was taking me apart into molecules.
- Nice to meet you Lizonka. I hope you and I will achieve success in close cooperation. - he said this with such intonation that even the most naive person understood that this was not about work at all.
— I think your economists and I can work together. - I want to not look like a downtrodden little mouse from the outside.
I pray that he doesn't recognize me. We cannot communicate, we cannot cooperate, and it would be better to end up on different planets.
Your left! He smiles! No, please wipe that smile off his face. So many years have passed, but I look at him and it seems to me that I am sixteen again and my older brother is introducing me to his friend.
— Lizonka, maybe we should get to know you better, for more fruitful work? — the intonation of the tempter did not impress me, but my right eyebrow seemed to have decided to leave its place on my face, it shot up so high.
— Sorry, Andrey... Vyacheslavovich, unfortunately, I don’t have free time after work, so, alas, the acquaintance will have to be rescheduled for working hours. - I said this in the stern tone of a teacher.
- Oh, Lisa... such a young beauty, she should be more open to cooperation. - is he serious?
“Alas, it’s time for me.” I tried to make my voice more tragic and not neigh like a horse. - Sam, thank you for introducing me to our new partners, but I’ll already go. Have a great weekend, see you on Monday. Goodbye Andrey Vyacheslavovich.
— Lizonka, I can give you a ride, the weather outside seems to be getting worse. - there it is, stuck like a bath leaf.
- Thank you, I'm by car.
“Then call me when you get home.” I will be calmer if I am confident in your well-being. - He handed me a business card with his number. One glance at the numbers was enough for me to understand that I would never call him. I still remember this number by heart.
- All the best! - I said this, already turning my back to him.
Chapter 1 ( Lisa)
The cockroaches are still dancing the rumba in my head! How is this possible? And most importantly, what should we do now?
I ran from the office so quickly that passers-by thought of me as a city madwoman. At some point, I myself thought I was going crazy. I am twenty-four years old, I have a diploma and a well-paid job, I am a self-sufficient and confident woman, and most importantly, I am the mother of a six-year-old tomboy. But still I am running from my past and with every step it seems to me that it will catch up with me and I will not be able to withstand this emotional burden. I'll just break down.
Once I got into the car, I looked at one point for a long time and didn’t understand what to do next.
That's enough! It's time to go home, my son and the two weekends that I promised to spend with him are waiting for me.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I dialed my best friend's number.
- Chicken, are you home already?
- Yes, we are already home and a surprise awaits you. — I almost crashed into the back of the Lexus, which was driving in front of me.
— W-what surprise? — It seems I will soon be a stutterer with a nervous tic.
- Hey, what are you doing? Liz don't worry, I think you'll like it.
- Nastya, don’t scare me. I’ve had enough surprises for today, I think another one will finish me off.
- Something happened? - She's worried about me.
- At home, I’ll tell you...
— Prepare a sedative? - I know her sedative.
- Yes, red semi-sweet, two doses! — I was already laughing out loud.
- Okay, my fiancé and I are waiting for you. - She laughed too.
Arms and legs
The position of the arms and legs will tell us about the true mood of our interlocutor. What signals can they send?
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- Crossed arms are a sign that a person is trying to defend himself, to close himself off. Such nonverbal gestures indicate that your interlocutor has taken a defensive position. You may have just told him something unpleasant.
- Crossed legs also indicate defense. There is a possibility that the person dislikes you.
- Hands on hips in some cases mean aggression. It may also mean that your interlocutor wants to take control of what is happening.
- Clutching your hands behind your back indicates boredom. Perhaps the person is worried about something or is feeling angry.
Downcast eyes
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By lowering our eyes, we show that we do not feel very comfortable or even embarrassed. Often, if a person is shy or does not want to talk, he lowers his eyes. In Asian culture, not looking a person in the eye and looking down when talking is the norm. These “rules” are generally followed by all of us. But left-handed people do the opposite: right-handed people look to the right, left-handed people look to the left, and vice versa.
