The success of every person depends on how honest he is with himself. After all, it often happens when a person achieves high success in his career or builds a strong family. But he doesn’t get much pleasure from it, the path to achieving the goal was difficult, and the result is not pleasing. This happens to people who are not honest with themselves. The reasons for this behavior may be different, but the result is the same - unhappiness. How to stop lying to yourself and start taking control of your life? In this article we will try to reflect the main aspects of this topic. So that you can understand, understand and apply the recommendations in practice.
Why do we lie to ourselves?
Lying is a defensive reaction of our psyche, which reduces the intensity of negative experiences. In such cases, the person takes actions on an unconscious level to avoid the problem. Because of these defense mechanisms, our brains are programmed to deceive ourselves.
For example, a person needs to do some important and complex work that requires a lot of effort and time. But he is not in the mood to start it. Then the following can be observed in his behavior: postponing the task until later, trying to shift this task to another person, devaluing this task, starting to do less important things in order to refer to being busy, etc. This is exactly how the defense mechanisms of our psyche work.
Honesty and sincerity: why we wear masks
Honesty and sincerity have become rare phenomena in the modern world. For some reason, we increasingly wear masks instead of showing our faces honestly and openly. Psychological science provides many reasons and explanations for this phenomenon. Very often we put on a mask because we are constrained by fear of our personality, our own feelings and emotions. For various reasons, a person may avoid confronting his emotions. He is afraid of them, he can be frightened by the strength and intensity of their manifestations. This may be due to childhood trauma or psychological trauma received in later life. Feeling different emotions is quite adequate and useful. There are no bad and good emotions, only our attitude classifies them into these categories.
Poor connection with our emotions and our body is another reason. In psychotherapy there is a direction of working with emotions through dance - dance therapy. In such cases, physical activity, namely the flexibility and sensuality of dance, will be a great way to find and get in touch with your body.
Defense mechanism. A mask can serve as a protective mechanism to protect one’s personality, one’s personal self, from negative influences from the environment. The underlying fear may be a fear of being absorbed by other people. The mask serves as the only known way to protect one's uniqueness and identity.
Why is it so important to be honest with yourself?
Honesty reflects the real world
A lie plunges a person into an imaginary world of dreams and fantasies. And so that this picture does not collapse, the person continues to lie always and everywhere. And if gaps appear in the world of dreams through which reality is visible, then the person begins to engage in self-justification, not recognizing the truth. As a result, a lot of energy and resources are wasted on building a wall between the real and fictional worlds.
Honesty leads to development
When a person is honest with himself, he knows what he really wants. He has a lot of effort, time and aspirations that lead him to success.
Honesty allows you to be yourself
A holistic personality is, first of all, a free personality. A person is free from complexes, stereotypes, anxiety and other experiences. Such people know themselves very well, it is difficult to confuse them and lead them astray from the desired direction.
Honesty breeds efficiency
Honest people admit their mistakes, draw conclusions and move on. In this way, they gain useful experience, and over time it becomes easier for them to solve difficult life issues. Therefore, they experience much less fear, and during their life journey, they experience interest in everything that happens.
Option 1
(402 words) The expression “to be honest with oneself” means a person’s willingness to fairly evaluate his thoughts, actions, and feelings. Such people always objectively judge themselves and are scrupulous about their moral qualities. We often meet such heroes on the pages of our favorite books.
For example, in the novel by F.M. Dostoevsky's “Crime and Punishment” we meet Rodion Raskolnikov, who from the very first chapters amazes us with his sincerity and readiness for self-flagellation. “But I talk too much. That’s why I don’t do anything, because I chat,” he admits to himself. The hero is prone to self-criticism and more than once catches himself in reprehensible actions and thoughts. He punishes himself for inaction, cowardice, inappropriate and empty boasting to himself. For example, Rodion tries to slip past the landlady because he is ashamed of his debts, and immediately notices his stupid fears, which are completely incompatible with his “test”. He doesn't miss a single detail. Sometimes Raskolnikov, oppressed by poverty and social injustice, is oppressed by the awareness of his own delusion: “What kind of dirt, however, my heart is capable of.” An inner voice seems to dissuade him from committing murder. Honesty to himself is Rodion's hallmark, and it does not allow him to relax and come to terms with his shortcomings.
Another hero, Konstantin Levin from the novel by L.N., is no less straightforward towards himself. Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. This is a very conscientious and virtuous person who even keeps a special diary, where he takes into account all his mistakes and vices. He doesn't hide anything from himself. There are details about his novels and relationships with women, about his attitude towards God and religion, about his innermost feelings and thoughts. This kind of naked honesty may even hurt other people. Later this notebook will go to Kitty, his fiancee. She reacted to this entire confession with sobs and was amazed at the frankness of her future husband. Levin did not hide anything from her because he was merciless to himself. He felt guilty for taking an innocent girl as his wife, and he already had solid experience behind him: “The terrible thing is that we are old, already with the past... not love, but sins... suddenly we get closer to a pure, innocent being; it is disgusting, and therefore one cannot help but feel unworthy.” As we see, Konstantin does not hide anything from himself, he is extremely honest with himself and with everyone who is close to him.
Thus, the one who is honest with himself constantly controls and judges himself, because he sees all the shortcomings, mistakes and mistakes. Such people listen to the voice of conscience and try not to mislead anyone. Sincerity becomes the basis of their relationships with the environment.
How to be honest with yourself?
Ask yourself difficult and uncomfortable questions
- Do I really need this?
- Will I benefit from this?
- Am I doing nonsense?
- Do I like it?
- What do I really want?
Honesty with yourself is, first of all, awareness. You must understand what, why and why you act this way at one time or another. What motivation drives you? By asking questions like these, you can adjust your path of movement so as not to end up in a swamp.
Give honest answers
There are times when you don’t even want to think in one direction or another, because you don’t see a positive outcome. But it is precisely at these moments that difficult questions cannot be avoided. To competently resolve such situations, try not to rush. Give yourself time to rest and then think about your actions.
To take responsibility
A person who is honest with himself is aware of his own responsibility for his life. Such people are not inclined to blame circumstances or others for their problems. They do not look for excuses for their inaction.
Option 2
(445 words) What kind of person can we call honest to ourselves? One who has normal self-esteem and a critical mindset, allowing him to analyze his actions in a timely manner and draw an impartial conclusion. He does not exaggerate his merits and notices his mistakes. To see such a person as an example, let us turn to Russian literature.
So, A.N. Ostrovsky in the play “The Thunderstorm” portrayed the image of Katerina - a conscientious and self-critical woman who is always honest with herself. In the very first act, the heroine admits to herself and Varvara that she anticipates a tragic outcome. She mercilessly reproaches herself for loving another person. “Oh, Varya, sin is on my mind! How much I, poor thing, cried, what I didn’t do to myself! I can't escape this sin. You can’t go anywhere,” admits Katerina. In her feelings for Boris, she already sees a vice, cruelly flagellates herself for the fact that she cannot save herself from this hobby: “What is on my mind! What a sin! It’s scary to say!” The heroine is aware of her feelings and says in advance that she will rush into the Volga if she “gets fed up” at home. That's what she did in the finals. She does not hide anything from herself, so she strives to be frank with the people around her, even despite the consequences of her openness. Therefore, Katerina publicly confessed that she had fallen in love with another. So she went to Boris and offered to go to Siberia. Therefore, she did not accept Kalinov’s hypocrisy and lies in order to live in peace. First of all, the heroine is honest with herself, which is why she is so sincere and straightforward with other people.
However, even those who deceive others can be honest with themselves. We see such an example in M. Gorky’s play “At the Depths”. Satin is a sharper, he deceives those who play cards with him. His work is directly related to fraud. However, he believes that “truth is the God of a free man,” therefore he destroys the Actor’s illusions and proves to him the inconsistency of Luke’s promises. He opposes “white lies,” so he doesn’t even spare himself. Konstantin readily admits that after prison there is “no way forward” and that he is a finished man (“you can’t kill twice”). The hero does not hesitate to say that other people treat him with contempt and reproach him for inactivity. Konstantin himself more than once calls himself a swindler: “Why can’t a cheater sometimes speak well if decent people... speak like a cheater?” There is no place for falsehood and rose-colored glasses in his picture of the world. Satin evaluates his life painfully objectively, so only he alone can accept his position in the world and come to terms with it.
Thus, if a person is honest with himself, he evaluates himself fairly and has the strength, courage, and will to admit that he is wrong, to give credit to his behavior, to give an interpretation to secret thoughts and intimate experiences of a personal nature. People capable of this can hide their conclusions from others, but they themselves always indulge in reflection and self-flagellation.
A PARABLE about honesty
“Once upon a time, a wise emperor ruled a certain country for a long time. The time has come, he grew old and decided to announce his heir. Everyone expected it to be one of his children or followers. But the emperor came up with something else. He ordered to gather in the palace all, without exception, the young men living in the country. And he told them the following: “I need to appoint the next ruler. And I decided that I would choose this person from among you.” Everyone who was in the palace hall at that moment fell into bewilderment. The elderly ruler continued: “I will give everyone a seed. You will plant it, tend it for a year, and then return to the palace with the harvest. Whoever has the best plant will become my successor!” The young man, whose name was Ling, also received his seed. When he told his mother about the emperor's task, she helped him put him away. Then the young man carefully raised it and checked every morning to see if small shoots had appeared. Time passed. When they met, the other youths boasted to Lingu about their achievements. But nothing appeared in Ling’s pot. He began to consider himself insignificant because everyone else was only boasting about their harvest. Six months passed unnoticed, but Ling still had no results. He blamed himself for everything, that he himself had ruined the precious plant. And now the deadline set by the ruler has ended. As agreed, all the young men brought the plants they had grown to the palace. And Ling did not want to go there, but his loving mother said that he must be honest and be able to admit defeat... When Ling appeared in the palace, he saw a huge variety of different plants that other young men had brought. When the emperor saw all this, he said: “You all deserve praise! Your harvest is simply wonderful!” Ling tried to be inconspicuous during the emperor's speech. But the emperor noticed his empty pot and called the young man forward. Everyone started laughing at Ling when they saw that there was nothing in the pot except soil. And the ruler suddenly said: “Here is my successor!” You all remember that, having received the seed, you had to return to the palace with the results of your labors in a year. But none of you knew that those seeds could not germinate, they were spoiled, I pre-cooked them. But you, besides Ling, still bore the fruits of your labors. You have replaced the seed you received from me. And Ling is the only one whose honesty I have no doubt about. Therefore, he will replace me and become your emperor!”
(from the Collection “31 positive PARABLES that change your life for the better”)
Author: Victoria Saiko
The main thing is pleasure
When the goal is achieved, some people become depressed. What's next? Why am I not delighted?
“It all depends on how we move towards the goal: with pleasure from the process, from every small step on the way to the cherished goal, or in constant tension, losing touch with reality,” explains Ekaterina Mukhacheva. - In the first case, achieving the goal will be perceived as a holiday, and it will serve as the foundation for new plans. In the second, joy will be replaced by a feeling of devastation.”
The words of the Gestalt therapist partly confirm the phrase, which in the East is perceived not as a good wish, but as a curse: “May all your dreams come true.” When we get what we want, it becomes routine, everyday life.
Honesty.
First, let's figure out what honesty is?
Honesty is a personality quality that includes sincerity, openness, fairness, trust, fidelity, and conviction. Honesty comes from the word honor, which speaks for itself. But if we speak only honest words, while making counteractions, it will be a lie and deceit in front of ourselves and the people around us.
When we develop and cultivate honesty in ourselves, we improve ourselves, we become smarter and wiser every time. If we remain at the level where lies and deceit reign, we degrade.
Where does the lie come from?
Where do the lies that prevent people from being honest come from? She is not born with the child - that's for sure! Honesty or dishonesty is instilled in children, first of all, in the family. We all come from childhood. And to a greater extent this depends on how much the parents themselves back up their words with honest actions and deeds.
When parents make promises and do not keep them, they instill in the child the ability to act identically. The child becomes dispensable, irresponsible and dependent, and goes with this set into adulthood.
There are many more factors that instill in children the qualities of lies and deceit. For example, constant threats and punishments of a child, inability to praise him, cause him to defend himself from attacks, which forces him to lie. This is one of the defense mechanisms. But I am sure that it is the systematic broken promises of mom (especially) and dad that play the most important role in raising an honest person or a liar . First of all, to yourself.
