Falling in love is a tender feeling. It leaves pleasant memories of the period and the person even many years later. Passion overwhelms the consciousness, causes excitement, sweeping simultaneously in a storm of languid happiness and bitter experiences. Unfortunately, sometimes, under the influence of surging emotions, we confuse love with a banal habit, passion, ordinary sympathy, in vain encouraging our partner and wasting our time. In this article I will tell you how to understand that you have truly fallen in love with a guy.
The main signs of falling in love
Among the main hints of love are:
- Constantly high spirits and expectation of a miracle.
- An overwhelming feeling of happiness and joy.
- Thoughts and dreams about the object of desire. You will want to be constantly nearby, spend all your free time together.
- Sudden initiative, activity, desire to “move mountains,” get a new education, or anything that previously seemed difficult and impracticable.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists recommend listening to your feelings and not doing impulsive things. Despite the storm of emotions, you need to try to behave meaningfully, think about and weigh your decisions. It is important to pay attention to the following nuances:
- The rapid development of the novel. It’s good when the love is mutual and the guy is in a hurry to become as close as possible to his partner. But there is also no need to move in together and get married too quickly - everything should develop gradually.
- Concessions to a man. A girl in love should remain an individual with her own views and opinions. You cannot go against your own principles to please your loved one. If the feelings are mutual, then the man will not demand from the woman what she does not want to do or cannot do for some personal reasons.
- Provocations. A woman should not manipulate her lover or put psychological pressure on him. He also has the right to make decisions, it is important to give him the opportunity to think about what he wants. This applies to absolutely all areas of life.
Due to the different characters of people who have not yet gotten to know each other better, but have begun a romantic relationship, problems and troubles arise. It is recommended to be more compliant, softer, make compromises and talk more. If we discuss the difficulties that have arisen, we will be able to resolve them at the root. The key to a happy union is to respect your man and listen to his wishes.
If for some reason a woman is worried about her attachment to a young man, then it is extremely important to consult a psychologist. Some individual difficulties often hinder the development of healthy feelings. Because of this, a person suffers and exposes his other half to suffering.
All existing hardships that a girl is not able to eradicate within herself on her own must be worked through at an appointment with a specialist. The same applies to the topic of unrequited feelings. Sometimes turning to a psychologist or psychotherapist is simply necessary, otherwise the situation will result in psychological trauma that will torment the woman, if not for the rest of her life, then for many years.
Sources used:
- https://etolubov.com/2019/08/17/kak-ponjat-chto-ty-vljubilsja-v-devushku-psihologija-i-fiziologija/
- https://love-is.org/kak-ponyat-chto-ty-vljubilsya/
- https://intrigue.dating/otnoshenija/kak-ponyat-chto-ty-vlubilsya-v-devushku-13-priznakov-babochek-v-jivote/
- https://love-is.org/kak-ponyat-chto-ty-vljubilas/
Love, affection or sympathy
When experiencing attraction to the opposite sex, it is very difficult to immediately understand the sensations. To begin with, it is worth analyzing all the concepts.
Love
The feeling of love is distinguished by a strong emotional component, attraction, attraction. We blindly rush towards the goal, not noticing a person’s shortcomings, we extol him above the clouds.
Attachment
This is a habit that manifests itself in the desire to wake up, walk, cook, watch movies together. It is most clearly expressed after a breakup. This is a kind of dependence on the object. With the usual algorithm, relationships freeze in one place and do not develop, are not supported by emotions, but are considered the most reliable and strong.
Sympathy
We feel an emotional connection and a closeness of spirit. In this case, age or gender does not matter. Sexual motives are completely excluded here. Most often, sympathy arises against the background of common interests and support.
Signs that I'm in love: how to recognize love
This is the deepest sympathy developed against the background of falling in love. It assumes selflessness, complete acceptance of a person with his shortcomings. It can also take place without a sexual component. For example, love for parents, children, animals.
It does not appear out of nowhere, but develops gradually, filling you more and more every day from the inside. Feelings become deeper and more conscious. You have only one interest and all other men are unable to impress.
Differences between infatuation and love
The feeling of being in love flares up instantly, sometimes at first sight. The passion boiling inside will not force you to give up your own benefits for the sake of the object of desire. The desire to see him will become selfish rather than sacrificial. We will be offended if we do not receive similar reciprocal behavior from our partner. All this speaks of falling in love.
Love presupposes selfless help, participation in all life processes of the beloved, empathy without claims and reproaches. Sometimes this feeling is accompanied by jealousy, irritability, depression, and mood swings.
The difference between falling in love and other states
At the very beginning of communication with the person you like, it is difficult to understand. What exactly do you feel for him? Below are the differences between the states.
Sympathy
- Peculiarity . Manifests itself in emotional kinship. We don’t care at all about his age, financial situation, what he does, and so on. There is no desire for intimacy. Usually, sympathy appears on the basis of common views on life, interests and values.
- Importance . Pleasant communication, a desire to see each other more often and achieve reciprocity in relation to yourself.
Attachment
- Peculiarity . Here the foundation of this feeling is the desire to be constantly with the object of adoration. Most often, this behavior is observed after a long period of relationship. A person at this moment is dependent on his partner. Relationships during this period of time stand in one place, they have neither development nor deterioration. They are stable.
- Importance. The desire to leave everything as it is at the moment in every possible way. The main fear is the loss of current relationships.
Love
- Peculiarity. Emotional craving for a loved one, sexual attraction. The other half becomes “ideal” for us. We do not see any disadvantages in him, he is flawless for us in everything.
- Importance. The desire for mutual feelings for oneself. So that the partner remains as ideal as he is at the moment.
Love
- Peculiarity. It usually comes after a period of falling in love, when we are ready to sacrifice our happiness for the sake of the happiness of the person we care about. Accepting your other half for who they are.
- Importance. The desire to find a family. Do everything possible for the overall well-being and happiness of your partner. Showing care and tenderness to your partner.
How to know you're in love - 25 signs
- You want to talk about family, children and the further development of relationships.
- There are thoughts about the wedding in my head.
- There is a desire to sing, dance, and enjoy everything in the world.
- Sometimes you accidentally call him by the name of other people around him.
- You easily forgive all oddities.
- Musical preferences change towards the hobbies of your loved one.
- Interest in previous hobbies wanes.
- You are willing to sacrifice your time and activities to be around him more.
- You don’t notice his shortcomings point-blank and constantly justify them.
- An unreasonable smile often appears on the face.
- Sometimes you act absent, completely lost in thoughts about your partner.
- The scenario of the next date is scrolling through my head, what needs to be said, what to interest.
- A kind of rehearsal for a meeting. You look forward to messages or a call, you can not let go of your smartphone for hours or update your page on a social network.
- You don’t fall asleep for a long time, dreaming about your lover.
- Another way to understand that you are in love is to analyze your reaction to words. Criticism from him is perceived extremely negatively and makes you depressed, while with a compliment you fly higher than the sky.
- Constantly talk about it to your family and friends, listing its endless advantages.
- You spend more time on your appearance, try to put on beautiful makeup, choose clothes and accessories.
- You begin to see signs in all events: you were at the same event, participated in a competition together, or studied at school. This means that we have definitely found the other half.
- The girl becomes prone to rash actions: “accidentally” ending up at his entrance, finding a reason to call.
- Creative abilities appear: you want to write him a heartbreaking message, a poem, or prepare a treat.
- Feels a sudden surge of energy.
- An easy way to understand if you are in love is to listen to your body. When we meet, the heartbeat quickens, it makes you feel hot, and your face turns red.
- Do you want to be aware of everything that happened in his life.
- You dream of physical intimacy: kisses, passion, hugs.
- I want romance, spend an unforgettable evening, day together, go on a trip.
Feeling of fullness and joy of life
A girl in love feels a surge of energy and optimism, and looks more positively at the world around her. As psychotherapists Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt explain in the book “Love for Life,” in a state of love, life becomes joy, and to feel the fullness of life, artificial means are not needed - alcohol, sweets, computer games, watching movies, etc.
Hendricks and Hunt explain that in a state of love, a person is under the influence of natural stimulants that the body produces. Thanks to these substances:
- pulse quickens;
- perception is heightened;
- energy increases;
- the world is seen in an exclusively positive way.
The feeling of falling in love includes in a girl positive emotions and a special attitude not only towards the object of adoration, but also towards other people, animals, and plants. A young lady in love perceives herself and the world around her as one whole. She sees life as bright, attractive and feels like a part of the universe.
How a girl can tell when she's in love: Pixabay
Test: how to understand and find out if I'm in love
A small test that will help you recognize how strong your feelings are:
Psychologist Daria Milai
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- Do you understand each other?
- We don't know each other well yet.
- There have already been several dates, but it’s too early to give a clear answer.
- Yes.
- Do you support each other?
- Just out of politeness.
- One person clearly shows more compassion.
- Yes, we care about each other;
- How do others perceive you?
- Like acquaintances.
- Like those who try hard to hide the connection.
- Like a couple.
- Have you visited him?
- No.
- No, but we are going to.
- Yes.
- Are there any joint plans for the future?
- No.
- Yes, but nothing serious, just talking about the next date.
- Yes, we are planning a summer vacation together.
Everything is very simple. If the majority of answers are 3, you are clearly in love, if 2, it’s too early to draw conclusions. The number 1 indicates the absence of a close connection.
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Characteristics of the state of falling in love
Falling in love is a state of mind when you start thinking about another person constantly, every second. The opinion of ordinary people regarding such a feeling as falling in love is divided in two. Some consider this feeling to be something sublime, which not every person has the ability to experience.
Others consider it a “diagnosis” with its own “symptoms” that requires preventive treatment measures.
Psychologists are inclined to believe that “falling in love” is a positive emotional state, accompanied by concentration on an object that interests a person, which will certainly lead to a narrowing of the consciousness of the individual in love. The consequence of such perception may be an erroneous judgment about the personality of the object of love.
This state of consciousness is unstable; it is built on the emotions overwhelming a person and a positive impulse on the part of the partner.
The state of falling in love is one of the stages of affection, which can subside, pass or arise, flaring up again. Most often, all the characteristics described above apply to girls in love.
What to do with falling in love
I will give you some tips on how to find out, determine that you have fallen in love, and build the right tactics of behavior.
- Don't get lost in the whirlpool of events. Don’t give up your favorite hobby and traditions, continue to improve and attend courses. Don't get depressed if something doesn't work out the first time. After all, love should bring joy.
- Always smile sincerely in front of a guy. This will not only set you up for positivity, but will also show him that you are a bright, cheerful person.
- Don't invent a non-existent image for yourself. Don't say you like what he likes. Behave as naturally as possible. After all, if the relationship works out, it will be difficult to live someone else’s life. In addition, such behavior looks feigned and false, which will immediately alienate the chosen one.
- On your first dates, you shouldn’t overwhelm your partner with conversations about serious intentions, marriage and children. To begin with, friendship, tenderness, and trust must arise.
- Keep the tone of communication in the middle. Don't be too whiny and affectionate, but don't communicate with indifference and coldness. Let what is in your soul remain a mystery to him.
- Do not deny him the desire to watch his favorite film, even if such a topic is not to his liking.
- Give compliments more often, praise, call by name. Men love with their ears just as much as girls.
- Don't be afraid of this bright feeling. Even if nothing works out, it will be an invaluable experience and vivid experiences.
“All ages are submissive to love”: symptoms of falling in love by age
Figure 4 Falling in love and age
You can fall in love for the first time at any age. And for every girl, girl or woman there is a list of signs by which she can understand that she has fallen head over heels in love:
| Age | Signs |
| 7 years | • You ask your mom to give you the most beautiful hairstyle with the best and biggest bow. • You ask your mother to organize a wedding for you and your beloved boy. • Constantly telling your mom how wonderful the boy you fell in love with is. |
| 8-14 years | • When you see your loved one, you start laughing the loudest. • Stand out in any way so that the object of passion notices you. • You start asking your mom how she met your dad. |
| 15-20 years | • You can't live even one second without thinking about the person you're in love with. • You fantasize about how magical your wedding with your loved one could be. • Don't leave the mirror, rehearsing your smile, trying on different outfits, experimenting with makeup. |
| 21-30 years old | • The whole world opens up for you in a completely new way. • There is music in your head that you hum and enjoy. • You feel the aroma of his perfume even when he is very far from you. |
| 30-40 years | • You try to warm, console, and please everyone around you, because light and goodness emanate from you. • You begin to transform, become more beautiful, more attractive, more interesting. • Your world will never be the same again because it has become better. |
How to find your love: take just 3 steps!
My classmate fell in love for the first time when she was 20 years old. She met the guy who is now her husband at university. To be honest, the state of her love was similar to mental pathology. Imagine, a person who was always dissatisfied with everything, criticized everyone, did not participate anywhere in life, dressed in all black and listened to hard rock suddenly turns into Snow White. She started singing songs, dancing to Meladze, writing poetry and wearing heels. First, we decided that it was time to call her mother and tell her that it was time to take our girl to the doctor. But one incident clarified everything for us.
We went to drink coffee after university classes and HE came to our table. If only you could see what began to happen to our beauty in love. She stopped blinking, speaking, and, it seemed to me, breathing. Her gaze simply focused on one person, and all life around her stopped. After he left, she remained in this state for another 10 minutes, and then got up from the table and danced towards the metro station. I must say that a couple of months after this, the guys began to live together! Fortunately, their feelings turned out to be mutual.
I also want to share with you a video story of a schoolgirl who fell in love with a guy who annoyed her greatly for a long period of time. This also happens in our lives, because it’s not for nothing that people say that from love to hate, and vice versa, there is only one step!
How to tell a guy if she's in love with him
- She doesn't flirt with others. All her attention is on you.
- She gives surprises and gifts. And it's not about their financial value, but their importance to a man. She smiles when she looks at you and laughs at your jokes.
- She closely monitors herself, changes outfits and looks to please you.
- She calmly calls and texts first.
- Your companion keeps her gaze on you for a long time, and when she becomes noticed, she blushes and is embarrassed.
- The girl adjusts her hair and chain, trying to appear more attractive.
- She tries to take an interest in his problems and achievements and support him.
- He reacts deeply and sincerely to the words of his beloved, he can rejoice or, conversely, be offended, upset and even cry when he hears minor irritation or misunderstanding.
Hyper-emotionality
A girl in love becomes sentimental and sensitive. She constantly experiences emotional surges, which are caused by a number of physiological processes in the body.
The body perceives psycho-emotional swings as severe stress. Candidate of Sciences, Doctor of Social Psychology Timothy Jay Loving and his colleagues found that a girl in love increases the level of cortisol (a hormone that protects the body from stress). When a young lady experiences exclusively sexual interest in a guy, the level of the hormone does not exceed the norm.
During the period of falling in love, the subconscious reacts to the production of cortisol - the body produces oxytocin in high doses - one of the hormones of happiness and pleasure. When lovers hug and kiss, the level of oxytocin increases rapidly. Psychological tension subsides, a girl in love experiences trust in her lover, tenderness and care.
Stages of falling in love
In addition to the obvious signs described above, there are also stages. In each of them, the personality reveals itself in a new way. Behavior analysis will help you understand whether you are in love or not.
Initial signs
The initial stage of falling in love is the most troubled time. First, an increased interest arises in the object - what he loves, where he lives, what he and his family are interested in, whether he has a soulmate. Next, you begin to imagine how suitable you are for each other. You are attracted to everything about him without exception: humor, voice, actions, figure, clothing style. He speaks funny and appropriately; the others pale in comparison.
You have already planned what your ideal wedding will be, how many children you will have, what kind of house you will live in and where to go on vacation. These thoughts are breathtaking. Even in his obvious shortcomings you find tenderness and constantly justify them. No one bothers you or annoys you.
Secondary symptoms
When you are in love, you do things that are not typical for you. This means that the first stage smoothly flows into the second. Girls begin to take care of themselves, style their curls, apply makeup every day, instead of banal pants and sneakers, wear stylish dresses and heels.
At this time, a person drinks, eats and sleeps less. Hormones produced internally dull other senses.
Women become cooks, poets, singers and try with great effort to show their best sides. However, in the presence of the object of adoration, words often “get stuck” in the throat, thoughts are confused and it is not so easy to collect them into one sentence.
Third stage
The last stage comes when your charm hooks a man, and he begins to pay increased attention to you. Already timid confessions indicate the beginning of a relationship.
Signs that you are in love:
- I am infinitely glad to meet you, but you behave more boldly and confidently, without confusing your words. You try to seem honest and natural.
- When dating, you show high intelligence and knowledge in many areas.
- From the touches, butterflies begin to fly inside your stomach, and your palms treacherously become covered with fine sweat, a wave of excitement covers you.
- You are happy when the next date is already scheduled and you don’t have to worry about the outcome of the relationship.
If you notice such signs in yourself, love has definitely settled inside.
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Increased sense of smell
In a state of love, a girl is able to subconsciously react to the smell of her lover. In PubMed, psychologist Johan Lundström, Ph.D., explained that lovers' sense of smell is heightened only in relation to the object of love and at the same time blocks the smells of other potential partners.
The smell of a loved one evokes pleasant emotions and memories in a girl. For example, if the object of love constantly uses some kind of perfume, then when the girl hears this aroma, tender feelings associated with her loved one appear.
In the process of accepting or not accepting a person as a potential partner, the brain does not analyze his scent, but immediately gives an answer - whether he is suitable for the role of a lover or not. This is how a number of body mechanisms are triggered, which help the lady choose the best father for her future offspring.
The smell on a subconscious level informs a person about the health and strength of a loved one, about his immunity, provides information about how good the compatibility of his and her microflora is, which is important for the birth of healthy children.
First steps
First, you need to decide on the nature of your feelings: friendly intentions, admiration for popularity and demand, a passing hobby or a real romantic mood.
Method 1: Defining “crush”
This is a fairly broad concept that includes a whole range of different emotions. Conventionally, I will divide it into several types:
- Friendly - you can trust a person, need his support and help, but at the same time not be burdened by serious connections.
- Admired - when you idealize a person. You are fascinated by his actions and want to gain similar experience. This kind of love fades away when the rapture wanes.
- Fleeting. Attraction to the opposite sex is instinctive. While in a relationship, you may feel attracted to other men. This suggests that you are interested in something new.
- Romantic - you want to be more than friends, you dream of kisses and hugs.
Method 2: When you are close to your crush
Analyze your behavior. There are three possible types of reactions to a partner. The most common is embarrassment in his presence. The second is, on the contrary, an ardent confidence in one’s superiority, a desire to tease and tease. The third is flirting. You are having a nice conversation, you want him to pay attention to the new dress or hairstyle.
Method 3: When you are at a distance
Do you often mention your lover when talking to others? If this is the case, try not to discuss his shortcomings behind his back; he might find out about it. If you unobtrusively share your emotions with your friends, they will help you understand your feelings. Don't refuse advice.
If the guy is much younger or older
Such relationships have their pros and cons. Let's look at them in more detail.
Pros and cons if the guy is older
Both boys and girls see benefits in such relationships. Many men like to feel like they are leading in a relationship, to be a mentor and patron for their chosen one, and it is easier to achieve this in a relationship with a partner who is much younger. Young girls also often strive for relationships with older guys - as a rule, such chosen ones are much more successful than the girl’s peers, can share life experience, stand confidently on their feet and are able to provide financial support.
The disadvantages of such relationships often stem from their advantages. As she grows older, the girl no longer needs the advice and support of a man, and she begins to be annoyed by his guardianship and authoritarianism.
Pros and cons if the guy is younger
Recently, more and more often there are couples in which the girl is much older than her partner. Disillusioned with their peers, tired of their busy careers and pragmatism, girls begin to look for romance, and often lovers who turn out to be younger than them can provide them with such feelings. Guys see their advantages in such a relationship - they like that their partner is more experienced and in many ways seems more interesting to them than their peers - while the chosen one, most often, looks no worse than them, and in some ways is superior.
The disadvantage for a woman can be a feeling of self-doubt. It begins to seem to her that the guy will soon get tired of such a romance, and he will turn his attention to younger girls.
What should I do if he doesn't notice me?
The first and most logical thing to do is to attract the attention of the object of adoration. When you don't know each other, try writing him a message on social networks or adding him as a friend. If he likes you, he will probably show interest. If you communicate, but not as closely as you would like, change your image, and you will attract his interested gaze.
Find out the tastes of your lover, ask his friends about his main hobbies. Analyze what kind of girls he is attracted to and adapt the style to the necessary parameters. Pretend that you are interested in the same things as him: watch a few football matches to stay on topic, talk about a successful fishing trip or an exciting trip. Like-minded people come closer together.
Why and for what do they love?
Sometimes they love in spite of everything, common sense, the slander of relatives, they just love and that’s it, quietly and tenderly, often saying to themselves, “well, how mine he is, this dear and beloved person.” And at the same time your heart skips a beat with happiness!
I remember how one of my friends said that “I even like his hoarse voice when he plays and sings with a guitar”... it’s definitely about love!
One of the men, oh, click, here it is, mine! But this does not always happen, because love is a calm, good feeling and it does not come immediately. With love, the amplitude of vibrations is practically absent, there is simply “everything on top” and EVERYTHING!
Unrequited love
Many girls, hitting the stone of indifference and suffering, fall into depression from indifferent feelings, become lethargic and apathetic. It's possible to deal with disappointment. Spend time in public more often, appear in the company of friends, make new acquaintances. Take a deep dive into your hobbies and sports activities. Do everything to ensure that you have as little time as possible to think about your unrealized romance.
A change of environment helps. Visit relatives in another city, fly away or go on vacation. From there you will return with fresh thoughts, and perhaps a new lover. Don't waste your life on those who are not interested in you.
How to define love and recognize falling in love
Of course, it happens that falling in love develops into love, but for this the person himself must become a little different in the relationship.
A person must “ripe” for love, sometimes this takes several years. At the beginning, in a relationship there may be love, a hormonal surge, a desire to love, everything comes spontaneously and each of us remembers this particular period.
But someday the “rose-colored glasses” fall off, and this is where the partner appears in all his glory. If you don’t push him away at this moment for an “unflattering act” or a mistake, then the relationship can develop into love.
But this doesn't always happen. This is where the period of falling in love ends. You stop idealizing your partner, and what appears before you does not suit you at all. It is here, at this stage, that separation occurs.
You can define love by how often partners hold hands, it warms them and makes them feel the value of a partner nearby; they usually say that “there is a feeling of a shoulder, a support.”
In love you need trust, recognition, respect, the desire to be close always and everywhere, you are passionate about your partner, you are interested in his affairs, work, you share his hobbies and support him in all his endeavors.
Sometimes you can confuse being in love with love. But there are nonverbal signs that can help you avoid making mistakes in this matter.
Nonverbal signs of love in men
- Touching the object of love
- Sometimes deliberate indifference
- Boundless trust
- Showing interest in the woman you love
- Wants the object of his love to be in his field of vision
- Offer to help in all matters
- Unexpected attention and gifts
Feel alive
“To be loved is to feel that you have the right to exist,” said philosopher and writer Jean-Paul Sartre. True love is finding the meaning of your existence in the world.
Love brings us back to childhood, when it gives us the feeling that everything in the world revolves around us. By choosing each other, we make each other special. In a relationship, we give the other person special significance. We recognize his importance: we respect his views and passions, we accept his ideals.
Another person brings us his world, and we give him ours. This allows you to experience new feelings and open new horizons. “Love helps you see all the colors of life,” sums up Monica Schneider. “True love makes you feel alive.”
Nonverbal signs of love in a woman
- Excessive care and guardianship
- Increased attention to your appearance
- “Eyes burn” at the sight of the object of love
- Confusion and shyness
- Mysterious behavior
- Increased attention to men's affairs
- All sorts of niceties and gifts
- Expression of sexuality
Love is a great feeling of attachment and attraction to a person, object or phenomenon. But love, as professional psychologists have established, can only be felt towards a person of the opposite sex.
Now you know how to define love and recognize falling in love. It is worth examining yourself and your feelings, perhaps this is just a passion that will quickly pass. Don't waste your time and energy on this. You need to look for true love, then you will feel peace and harmony in your soul! We wish you GOOD LUCK in this!
HOW TO Distinguish Real Love From Fake Love?
Seeing another person as a mystery
Love is a mysterious feeling. We feel it, but we don't understand it. The force that pulls a person towards is inexplicable. We pursue him not because we like the way he looks, because he is rich or powerful, or because he looks like a parent or significant other. If the union can be explained logically - “she replaced his mother” or “they are together because of money”, there can be no talk of true love. In her case, it is always the mystery that guides us.
“Love appeals to our unconscious: to some childhood experience, loss or longing for what we could not have. It affects that part of the personality that is unknown to us,” explains psychoanalyst Patrick Lamboulay. “That’s why it’s a mistake to think that in a relationship two “halves” should merge and give birth to something whole. It is in this idea that lies the reason why many married couples break up. When a person in a relationship feels understated, he may decide: this is not his soul mate. But this, of course, is not true. To truly love means to always remain intrigued by the mystery of another person.”
Afraid of losing
And all the time. And not only another person, but also yourself, dissolving in him. In The Discontents of Culture, Sigmund Freud explains this phenomenon: “We become dependent on another because we constantly need him to support us in our existence.” Hence the fear of loss.
“Love means taking risks,” explains philosopher and psychoanalyst Monica Schneider. “This feeling is so dizzying that sometimes we are even drawn to reject it in order to protect ourselves from the frightening power of another person over us.”
Freud emphasized that Eros and Thanatos are inseparable: I love you - I destroy you. Eros is our desire to connect with each other. Thanatos is the death drive that pushes us to break this connection so that our “I” remains omnipotent.
If we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in wonderful new territory
“It’s hard to give up on yourself,” explains psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Moskowitz. — Love always brings torment. It affects our very being - what we are in this world. Only a few realize this. When they find themselves alone, they enjoy it because they feel protected. But if we manage to overcome all doubts and fears and surrender to love, we find ourselves in a new wonderful territory where feelings are revealed with renewed vigor.”
True love is not a good business deal. A whirlpool of feelings is dangerous for both partners. That's why we often doubt something else. But even if he tries to pull away, this does not always mean that he does not love. Perhaps he is simply afraid of losing himself.
Be ready to take a step into the unknown
In love, nothing is predetermined. No one can guarantee that feelings will be permanent, and that life together will be long and happy. “Love relationships are a special world in which reason does not rule everything,” explains Monica Schneider. “But you shouldn’t set yourself up for the worst.”
Sometimes, due to past experiences of failed relationships, we convince ourselves in advance that we are doomed to suffer. To truly love, you must be able to believe in miracles again, accept the unknown and learn to be patient.”
Feel the desire
Here, at first glance, everything is simple: to love a person means to desire him. Research confirms that physical intimacy helps maintain relationships and does not allow the fire of love to go out. Without an exchange of affection, lovers turn into roommates. You can have sex without love, but when there is love, intimacy gives true pleasure.
If desire wanes, does that mean the relationship is over? Not at all! Our feelings are influenced by many factors, they are cyclical and constantly experience periods of ups and downs. You may not want intimacy right now because you are simply tired, have eaten too much or too little, are stressed, or, conversely, are pleasantly excited about some grandiose changes. “There are days when it’s enough for us to just have our loved one nearby,” explains Monica Schneider.
Statistics and educational facts
- At the first meeting, a guy pays attention to the girl’s face, and not to the subtleties of her figure. And if it seems cute, that’s enough to trigger feelings, even when the silhouette is far from the model’s.
- Any coincidence can become the basis of falling in love. Similar facial features, hobbies, field of activity.
- A person in love is indecisive and absent-minded.
Another interesting sign that you have fallen in love with a guy is the internal sensations you feel when you are around him. They are similar to strong intoxication.
How to deal with this feeling
Suppose you find out and make sure that you are in love. A natural question arises: how to proceed? There are two options: completely surrender to the feelings that arise or ignore them, trying to drown them out. Having chosen the first path, the algorithm of actions is simple: get to know each other and get closer. To forget about the object of your passion, it is recommended to take the following measures:
- Keep yourself busy as much as possible so that you don’t even have time to think about love. Hobbies, work, study, sports are suitable.
- Remove the irritant. It is advisable that the girl you like does not catch your eye. This advice is relevant both for real meetings and for communication on the Internet.
- Switching. The human psyche is designed in such a way that to get rid of an addiction, it is most effective to replace it with another. To use an analogy, to stop thinking about a girl, you need to redirect your attention to something that will completely absorb it. The best option would be a hobby that can be completely addictive. You need to choose taking into account the characteristics of your character: collecting, sports activities, self-development, learning languages, building your own business, mastering a new skill. You can choose anything, the key criterion is fascination.
- Request for help. When it is impossible to cope with a problem on your own, you can always seek support from loved ones who have experienced similar situations and can give useful recommendations. In severe cases, it is more rational to seek the help of a specialist. There's no shame in this.
