Monogamy is a relationship between two people that excludes romantic and sexual relationships on the side; that is, partners do not enter into other relationships with anyone. By comparison, people in non-monogamous relationships may have more than one romantic or sexual partner at the same time.
According to relationship coach Jayda Shuawarnasri, there is no specific concept of whether monogamy or non-monogamy is better. Monogamy is good for some, non-monogamy is good for others. Some people believe that non-monogamous relationships are inherently less secure and less committed.
Here's how Shuavarnasri explains everything:
“Many people equate the word “commitment” with “exceptionalism,” but the terms do not mean the same thing. I personally have several obligations, including my job, my family, my friends, my pets and so on. When I say that I am committed to something, I mean that I consciously choose to build a relationship with that person or area of my life. Exclusivity means that I have chosen to only be in a relationship with that person or area of life.
She also adds, “People are complex and multi-dimensional, and our relationships will always reflect that. The only thing every person needs is love, but how we receive it may look different.”
Benefits of Monogamy
Monogamy has a number of undeniable advantages. In such a couple, both father and mother take care of the offspring, which means that such a family will be able to raise a worthy generation. This is due to the fact that in this case the resources of the father and mother are directed towards the children. It is easier for a woman to feed a child if there is a husband nearby who protects and provides financially.
It is generally accepted that women are monogamous. From a biological point of view, this is much more profitable than polygamy, since in this way the female, having chosen the best male, passes only his genes to the future. The male, in turn, will take care of the offspring, since he is absolutely sure that this is his continuation.
Taking care of children in one family is much easier than being scattered among several. Taking care of one female is easier than giving your resources to many. Monogamous couples have more potential than polygamous couples.
Polyandry.3
Although it is customary to attribute monogamy to the female gender, there are many nations for which a woman can have several partners, and in some places even legal spouses. Female polygamy is called polyandry. This state of affairs is quite acceptable for India, Tibet and the Eskimos.
But in Nigeria, for example, women are legally allowed to have several official husbands.
Interestingly, in Venezuela polyandry was the norm for many years. The woman might not even know which of her two partners is the father of the child. For the heir, this had many positive bonuses. Two fathers took care of the baby at once.
As for Tibet, the situation with female polyandry is explained by the land issue. Let's say one family has a plot of land. The family has several sons. So, in order not to divide this land between families, which subsequently form sons, it is customary to marry only the eldest. All younger children will automatically be considered the husbands of the eldest son's wife.
You can talk a lot about the topic of male natural polygamy and monogamy. In fact, most people, both women and men, strive to find one single reliable partner for sexual and romantic relationships. Such behavior contributes to the appearance of strong offspring, reduces the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, promotes the harmonious development of family life and saves a lot of nerve cells.
How is it different from polygamy?
Polygamy involves having multiple partners at the same time. There is no loyalty in such relationships. A polygamous male does not take part in caring for the offspring; his task is to fertilize as many females as possible.
It is not profitable for him to take care of one, since he cannot be sure whether they are his descendants. Caring for all the females with whom the male has contact does not make sense, it will require a huge amount of effort.
Polyamorous marriages. Fresh wind of change?
Polyamory in family relationships allows for the existence of parallel love affairs for both husband and wife. This phenomenon is also called “open marriage”. Participants in such unions do not put sex at the forefront of their interests.
Their main need is love in all its manifestations.
The second main condition for adherents of free marriages is trust, no matter how strange it may sound. Absolutely all relationships must exist with the consent of all participants, without secrets, intrigue, gossip and anything that could harm, cause discomfort or destroy the connection. And if polygamy insists on the value of the institution of family and its obligatory nature between participants, then polyamory does not perceive marriage as something obligatory.
Such civil cohabitation of a group of persons does not have legal status. And in general, usually polyamorous families understand that society does not approve of such a lifestyle, and they try not to advertise their preferences. The main credo of fans of open marriage: “Love is not divided, it is multiplied.”
Hippie communes are a well-known stronghold of open marriages and polyamorous relationships.
Conventionally, what distinguishes an open marriage from the usual debauchery is that same openness. After all, one-time or constant sprees from the family, to be honest, are typical for many men and women. In a polyamorous marriage, these points are understood by the partner. And he not only forgives “betrayal ,” but also demands the same preferences for himself. And if there is no jealousy and feelings of possessiveness in the character of the husband and wife, there should be an open marriage.
Jealousy as a deterrent in traditional marriage
Modern philosophy puts a person's personality and his happiness first. Happiness can be achieved in absolutely any way that does not contradict the law of the country in which this person lives. Does the state and religion allow polygamy? Please! Are you against open relations in communes? Make love Not War! The institution of family is changing, like everything else in this world. Will we see the traditional and familiar marriage in 100-200 years the same?
Varieties of Monogamy
In our society, monogamy is driven not only by biological benefits, but also by cultural characteristics. It is customary for couples to marry and remain faithful to each other.
It is easy to understand that if by nature people were monogamous, then men would not cheat, and women would not leave their families.
Despite the possible presence of other partners, a person is still considered monogamous. This is due to the fact that there are different types of this phenomenon.
Family monogamy
This type is associated with monogamy. This means that a monogamous marriage is created once and for life. In this case, even after the death of one of the partners, the second does not remarry.
This type may also involve sequential marriage. This means that before registering a new marriage, the previous one must be dissolved.
Social monogamy
Social monogamy presupposes that a person does not build a polygamous relationship, but does not enter into marriage. Many couples live together, maintain a common budget and everyday life, give birth to children together, remain faithful to each other, but do not officially register the marriage. Social monogamy is also called cohabitation.
Intimate monogamy
Such monogamous relationships often occur at the dating stage, when people have not yet decided to live and register their marriage, but are still faithful to each other. Sex in such a couple is with only one partner.
Genetic monogamy
Genetic monogamy is not as common in humans as it is in animals, but it does exist. It assumes that the offspring are similar to the male from whom they were conceived. In simple terms, genetic monogamy means that children are similar to their father. This helps a man to be sure that this is his child, so it is easier for him to take care of the offspring.
Signs that monogamy is not for you:
- · You like to have many intimate relationships at the same time.
- · You are attracted to other people even when you are in a relationship.
- · Sometimes you feel limited or constrained when you are in a monogamous relationship, even if you love your partner and have a healthy relationship with him.
- · You have cheated in a monogamous relationship in the past—or thought about it—even when you loved your partner and felt happy with him.
- · You enjoy being able to flirt and flirt, and feel like you miss out on this opportunity when you're single.
- · You believe that different types of relationships satisfy different needs, and it would be important for you to have several different ones to meet all your needs.
- · You don't mind your partner being with someone else.
- · You are not a jealous person, or at least you can handle it.
- · You want to be able to meet other people who come into your life, even if they come while you are dating someone.
- · You feel capable of loving and caring for several people at the same time.
- · You enjoy regular sexual experiences with new partners, but you also don't want to give up a committed, long-term romantic relationship.
Why is monogamy more common among women than men?
Many people have encountered this stereotype. It was formed after drawing an analogy with the animal world. In the animal world, in most cases, the task of the male is to fertilize as many females as possible, and the task of the latter is to give birth and raise offspring from the strongest. Therefore, the stronger the male, the more females he needs to fertilize.
It's not that simple for humans. Polygamy has a bad effect on the offspring born, because in polygamy it is difficult to raise full-fledged children. Men understand that they do not have enough resources to take care of so many children, and it is very difficult for a woman to raise children alone. It is easier for a monogamous couple to care for children because they share responsibilities.
In fact, whether a person builds a monogamous relationship or a polygamous one depends on many factors. And the main place is occupied by the cultural traditions of the society in which a person grew up. For example, Russians cannot register a marriage with more than one person. And in Muslim countries this is allowed.
A man is indeed physiologically more inclined to have frequent sex. They produce significantly more testosterone, which contributes to faster sexual arousal. But whether a man will follow the lead of his body depends only on his moral values.
Regarding women’s monogamy, not everything is so clear either, because they also cheat. Everything here is also individual.
Olga F.
Polygamy. If I were a Sultan...
Wikipedia defines polygamy as follows:
From Greek πολύς ‒ “numerous” and γάμος ‒ “marriage”, polygamy is a form of marriage in which a spouse of the same sex has more than one spouse of the opposite sex.
There are two types of polygamy: polygamy (another name is polygyny) and polyandry (polyandry)
This should not be confused with the moment when a person managed to get married many times in his life and get divorced the same number of times. Polygyny and polyandry mean multiple family relationships in one period of time.
Psychologists say that men are more prone to polygamy than women. They explain this by historical problems with the survival of humanity (disease, famine and wars, in which, first of all, the male population died) and their dominant instinct of reproduction.
An interesting geographical fact is that the milder the climate and the easier it is for the “male” to get food, the easier society is towards polygamy among men. Muslim countries in the south and southeast still openly practice polygamous marriages. But with the caveat that a man takes a second and third wife only if he can provide them and their children with a decent life without hardship.
Polygyny - culture and tradition of the East
But polygamy is not unique to Islam. In Australian, Melanesian, African, Indian tribes and even in early Judaism, wives and concubines were quite common.
Polyandry is more common among northern peoples in Alaska, the Eskimos and Tibet. The reasons for its occurrence are completely different: from wild customs of reducing the female population by killing girls in infancy (which led to a banal shortage of brides) to completely practical considerations that two or more husbands will feed their wife and children in difficult weather conditions much better than one.
Modern values of the civilized world accept polygamous marriages with obvious reluctance
Many people confuse this type of relationship with ordinary promiscuity. But both psychologists and traditions insist that people who have accepted polygamy or polyandry as an acceptable element in their lives understand the seriousness of their obligations:
- Taking care of the family's financial situation and maintaining a common home.
- Moral support for all family members, when equal attention is paid to all husbands or wives.
- Caring for all children in the family, raising and educating them.
Family is family. Having an affair with a colleague, training partner and neighbor at the same time when they do not know about each other is not polygamy. This is immorality and meanness towards partners. The institution of family is sacred even for this form of marriage.
Many young ladies advocate polyandry simply because they cannot find the totality of the main valuable masculine qualities in one individual. As in the famous joke that smart, rich and handsome are three different men. At the same time, these same women do not categorically consider themselves part of a polygynous family. They are motivated mainly by jealousy and self-esteem.
Polyandry - a historical necessity or an achievement of feminism?
Antelope dik-dik Kirk
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Males and females in love adore only each other. It is impossible to call these animals ideal from a human point of view. After the birth of the cubs, as soon as they get stronger, the fathers drive the babies away from their habitat. Like, come on yourself, dears. And he continues to live and rejoice with his beloved, and then give birth to new babies. And they are also tame, these cuties.
White swans
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A standard symbol of eternal love, and it's true. Swans become very attached to their partner, and can also choose a strange, incomprehensible object of sympathy. There is an example of a swan falling in love with a swimmer in an installation imitating the shape of a swan by a photographer. And he swam after him, without leaving a single step. Swans form pairs, winter together, and change partners only in the event of the death of their beloved, and often they do not change, but die, grieving. Even the necks of swans swimming together resemble a heart. This is clearly no coincidence.
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Sex is dead, long live sex
After the sexual revolution died down, interest in sex - at least real sex between people - began to decline rapidly. This is especially noticeable in the behavior of young people.
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From 1991 to 2021, the number of American schoolchildren who have already become sexually active has fallen from 54% to 40%. Today in the United States, people in their early 20s are 2.5 times more likely to be abstinent than their Gen X parents. In Japan, millennials are also giving up sex—as many as a quarter of people aged 18 to 39 have never even had it! There are no such statistics for Russia yet, but sociologists confirm that this is a global trend - younger generations are becoming less and less interested in sex.
What does the future hold for human sexuality? Toys, robots, VR porn - all this allows you to get high-quality release in solitude, without unnecessary effort and risks.
And the popularity of such leisure is growing. Searches for “VR porn” on PornHub, for example, grew 440% in 2016 alone. According to data for 2021, VR porn ranks confidently in third place in aggregator searches.
And sex robots are becoming more and more personalized, learning to speak and joke, and finally developing models for women. They promise that in the near future robots will become even more “human” - for example, they will begin to sweat and secrete lubricant. Why do you even need sex with other people with such toys?
Scientists have even come up with a name for such a sexual “orientation” of the future - digisexuality. A person with this “orientation” will have sex primarily or exclusively with machines. And, on the one hand, there is nothing wrong with this. On the other hand, critics believe that “digisexuality” dehumanizes sex - and this can result in a new wave of violence against people, especially women. Let us hope that good laws will save us from such a prospect.
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Relationships “according to science”
Most of us grew up under the influence of the myth of romantic love, which will overcome all obstacles and give unprecedented happiness. But there was little evidence of this - only subjective eyewitness accounts, as well as fiction in books and films.
Now, with the development of science, it has become possible to fairly accurately assess how romantic relationships really affect the body?
For example, in this study, Australian scientists observed the mental health of 3,820 respondents - and correlated their answers with the quality of their personal relationships. It turned out - quite expectedly - that only a successful union reduces the risks of depression and anxiety.
Another thing is interesting - firstly, unsuccessful relationships are more harmful for women than for men. In them they increase the likelihood of an anxiety disorder, while in men they have no effect. Secondly, and most importantly, the quality of a romantic relationship can be assessed quantitatively - for example, using the DAS-7 questionnaire. If you score less than 25 points on it, then it is better to end such a relationship.
It seems that the time is not far off when people will make decisions about starting a relationship not according to the call of their hearts, but according to the data of tests and examinations. Take questionnaires, do a functional MRI to determine the response of your brain to your partner, take tests for oxytocin and the oxytocin receptor gene - and you will be able to determine the outcome of your romance with a fairly high probability.
