In fact, there is such a thing as fear of success. But such fear has nothing to do with the fear of taking risks or making mistakes, which every person inevitably encounters along the way. It's more like metathesiophobia, or the fear of change that comes with success, as well as the worry that in the end you will still be unhappy...
Where does fear of success, metathesisphobia come from? Let's take a closer look at the mechanism of its occurrence.
Success is being on time! Marina Ivanovna Tsvetaeva
Causes of metathesisphobia
A successful person reaps the laurels of fame, everyone applauds him, respects him, he has a certain authority over others and a high status in society.
Perhaps many people have this idea of success. But everything is not as wonderful as it seems: success puts significant pressure on a person. With every victory, with every achievement, the demands on oneself grow, and expectations from the outside also grow.
- How long can you withstand such pressure and remain honest and fair?
- Or maybe there will be negative sides?
Often, for the sake of success, you have to give up many habits dear to your heart, devote little time to family and loved ones, forget about rest and entertainment. How do you like this side of the coin?
PEDAL BOLDLY!
What to do if you find such signs in yourself?
1.
Remember all the childhood episodes of parental criticism and dissatisfaction. What did your parents tell you? Now think about it. For a long time now, that young woman who dreamed of a first place for her little child in order to confirm her own importance as a good mother has not existed. You have the right to perceive your childhood achievements and failures differently. From the perspective of an adult, re-evaluate the victories and defeats of the little child you were. As a result of this work, you will allow yourself to make mistakes and not always be perfect.
2.
Write on paper the story of your life successes and victories. List in detail absolutely everything, even the most insignificant achievements. Everything that may not be in the life history of other people. For example, passing an excellent exam, receiving a diploma, successful performance, winning a competition, promotion, a published article or an interview with you. Determine what exactly is your merit and your work, and what part of success is the result of luck. You will be surprised to discover that you have achieved almost everything in life yourself.
3.
Get yourself a “notebook of achievements.” Every evening before going to bed, write down what successes and victories you had during the day. At first, it will be difficult for you to admit that much is achieved thanks to your efforts. Then you will begin to appreciate your own merits.
4.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes. You don't have to be able to do everything and always know the right answer. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Without failure, it is impossible to learn anything and achieve nothing. Think of your mistakes as feedback to help you understand what you need to do differently next time. Think back to yourself as a child - how many times did you fall before you learned to ride a bike? But if there were no falls, there would be no result. Start doing something completely new to you - dancing, an unusual sport, drawing. You will see how mistakes give a powerful impetus to achievements.
5.
Take criticism calmly and be guided by the facts. Often negative remarks addressed to others are caused by envy or other internal problems of the critic. You don't have to believe everything you're told. Objectively evaluate how fair the criticism is, whether it corresponds to reality, and whether it does not distort the truth. Separate the critic's emotions and thoughts from the facts. Do you really need to worry so much about the opinions of strangers? Why should you be guided by the judgments of sometimes less successful and competent people?
6.
Celebrate your successes. Be proud of yourself. Practice saying “Thank you” in response to compliments. I am very pleased that you consider me…” and repeat the compliment. Learn to brag about your victories. You really put your work and knowledge into the result achieved!
7.
Thank the world for the rewards you have received. Your task is to enjoy these gifts, to feel pleasure from your achievements. Ask yourself the question: “Why do I need this?” – how you live your success is much more important than why you achieved it.
When it comes to success, few people realize that it can be feared and sabotaged. Think about it: do you have a fear of achievement? Do the exercises we suggest and come out on top. Why not?
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Should we be afraid that success changes a person?
Every more or less intelligent person knows that success is a very fragile thing.
Success willingly “eats its children.” The higher someone flies, the faster and more painful the fall will be. And the more lonely he will remain.
When things go well, a person is surrounded not only by friends and well-wishers who are always ready to help and are sincerely happy for his successes, but also by ill-wishers and envious people who try to denigrate him and are looking forward to mistakes.
Staying on top is harder than getting there.
Doubts lead to the fact that a person begins to dream about writing a book, about his own business, or about fame, but at the same time does not take the first step towards his dreams. The future seems too uncertain, chaotic and dangerous. The path to success is full of obstacles and requires high responsibility. The more you think about it, the greater your concerns will become.
You can't take time out
Business can be very demanding, especially in terms of the personal time you are willing to devote to it.
In the past, being a workaholic meant staying in the office until 7 or 8 pm or taking work on the weekends.
Now, with the advent of laptops, the Internet and mobile phones, being available 24/7 is becoming the norm rather than the exception.
What opportunities are you missing out on if you take time out? How will your business function if you are no longer available every minute?
To live a healthy and happy life, a healthy work-life balance is essential.
The IT director turned off his phone at 7 pm every day.
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He said that he completely trusts his subordinates, who are on shift and are able to solve any problem. And if it's an emergency, they know where he lives.
We love to feel indispensable, but we can always take a time out if we really want to.
The more fears you can overcome, the more success you will achieve.
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Psychology of fear
In one second, a person is exposed to millions of stimuli.
But only a small part of them is perceived consciously. Which part exactly is decided by the brain. The brain filters out, first of all, those stimuli that are important for survival. Thus, the most important stimuli are those that signal danger. Therefore, in a dangerous situation, a person is able to act so quickly and decisively. This system is especially typical for people with phobias, be it fear of confined spaces, fear of driving, fear of animals. Such people react more intensely to appropriate stimuli.
It is known from psychology that the more you try to avoid the source of fear, the stronger it becomes. This can continue until it is completely blocked.
Most of these fears are completely unfounded, or are simply convenient excuses.
Some concerns are well founded: success changes people. In most cases, change begins with relationships with friends and colleagues: some stay with you until the end, some end their relationship with you.
As the level of success increases, so does responsibility. The decisions you make now have an impact not only on your life, but also on the lives of other people.
It is inevitable that some people will be offended or offended. It is important to learn to forgive and forgive forgiveness.
The concept of neophobia and its impact on life
Neophobia is a fear of everything new, an irrational fear of change, new situations, people, ideas or places. On the one hand, man is a creature of habit. He can live in the same house for decades, work in the same job, drive the same car, and even eat the same dish every Friday night. On the other hand, it is human nature to seek adventure. We look forward to promotions and vacations to visit another country, constantly striving for knowledge and new achievements.
Neophobia challenges a person. In its mild form it does not cause discomfort, but in its severe form it becomes a real problem and limits life. If a person feels comfortable in their current circumstances and does not seek drastic changes, this does not mean that they suffer from neophobia. You need to think about the problem in the case when he makes a conscious decision not to stand out from the rest; refuses to try new vacation spots or avoids opportunities to make new friends; rejects innovative ideas and products, desperately clinging to the old.
Neophobia has a serious impact on everyday life. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, avoiding challenges that, when overcome, could lead to personal growth or social fulfillment. To succeed or fail, you must take risks. Both outcomes are potentially life-changing, forcing one to adapt to new circumstances. If a person suffers from neophobia, they may feel that the potential benefits of success do not outweigh the potential upheaval of introducing something new.
How to overcome the fear of success?
The decisive step in the fight against fear is to try to understand what underlies it:
- Is the fear scenario realistic?
- What feelings am I trying to hide?
- What guarantees do I have?
- Is the status quo really better?
The clearer the picture before your eyes, the faster you will be able to get rid of illusory fears.
A five-minute analysis, of course, will not be enough. Try to think about your fears, anxieties, concerns throughout the day, weekend, or better yet, devote a whole week to this. Don’t waste your time, because we are talking about your future after all. What often happens is that people who are afraid of success, in fact, do not have a general understanding of what it is. You might think that success lies in doubling your earnings or being able to work for yourself. But you are your own boss even now, since you can make this or that decision at any moment.
As for double your income, money is indeed a good motivation. But what do you attribute to increased income? Maybe freedom? Or luxury? Or maybe prestige?
If you are too hard on yourself, then there is a high chance that you are never satisfied with yourself and, as a result, do not feel happy. Small changes in how you perceive yourself can make you happier.
SLAVES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM
This problem manifests itself in the deep-seated belief “I’m really nothing of myself” and a lack of self-confidence that does not change even under the influence of real achievements.
A person constantly experiences anxiety and devalues any of his successes, being confident in his heart that the results achieved are random and do not belong to him, “just lucky” and at any moment he can be exposed as a fraudster and “kicked out in shame.” His main internal problem is the inability to “appropriate” his results and achievements. A person constantly feels a deep experience of his own uselessness, unimportance, and inadequacy. He is sure that he is simply deceiving those around him, and this bluff can be revealed at any moment
In his distorted picture of the world, his own efforts and merits are in no way connected with the result. And hence the constant anxiety of making an irreparable mistake. Where did such Akaki Akakievich come from in the modern world?
As usual, the origins lie in early childhood. Most often, the parents of such a child demand too much from the child and rarely praise him. Having failed to realize themselves, parents begin to expect endless victories and rewards from their child, mercilessly criticizing and humiliating the child for every mistake. The child does not feel loved and “unconditionally accepted.” Often this situation is aggravated by a younger brother or sister, whom parents love “just like that”, without achievements. And as an adult, such a person endlessly tries to prove to dad or mom that he is capable of winning and is worthy of their love, and often breaks down.
People who come from a dysfunctional family or “from the bottom” often also feel like upstarts, whose achievements are dictated by a lucky coincidence of circumstances, and not by internal qualities and hard work.
This problem can be aggravated by any failures and setbacks that hit self-esteem.
It doesn’t matter if your loved one rejected you or fired you from your job, it often takes years to regain self-confidence after a fiasco.
