A callous, unemotional person: why is he like this and what to do?

human nature to experience emotions , both pleasant and not so pleasant.

As a rule, a person is aware of what he feels, since he has the ability to recognize his experiences and knows how to describe them.

But there are those who can neither recognize nor express their own emotions in words.

What is this phenomenon called? Let's look at the definitions of basic concepts, causes, symptoms, prognosis and treatment methods.

What is a state of emotional deprivation? Find out about this from our article.

What are such people called?

In everyday life, unemotional people are called callous, indifferent, thick-skinned, dry, soulless, cold, indifferent, insensitive, cynical.

From a scientific point of view, such individuals are considered alexithymic.

Alexithymia is a disorder in which a person is unable to express his own emotions in words.

Alexithymics are distinguished by their conflicting nature, poor resistance to stress, and poor imagination. They often encounter somatic diseases that are formed on human emotions.

Healthy individuals experience emotions intensely , are able to recognize and understand them, and therefore eliminate and calm them.

Since the alexithymic person is not aware of his experiences, he is unable to find a competent approach to eliminating them. Such people look at the world with hostility and do not know how to react normally to stress.

They have no motivation, no moral guidelines, no goals that appear under the influence of positive emotional stimuli.

Theses

• Heartlessness manifests itself even towards very close people
• The thirst for profit often leads to heartlessness and dishonorable acts.
• A person’s spiritual callousness complicates his life in society
• The reasons for a heartless attitude towards others lie in upbringing
• The problem of heartlessness and mental callousness can be characteristic not only of an individual, but also of society as a whole.
• Difficult life circumstances can make a person heartless
• Often, spiritual callousness manifests itself in relation to moral, worthy people
• A person admits that he was heartless when nothing can be changed
• Mental callousness does not make a person truly happy
• The consequences of a callous attitude towards people are often irreversible

Definition of concepts

Emotional rigidity is manifested in the fact that the individual weakly, very selectively and within a narrow range shows emotional reactions to all kinds of stimuli.

Emotional dullness is a special mental state in which a person either very weakly expresses or completely loses higher emotions (sympathy, respect, tolerance, tact, modesty, honesty, conscientiousness, etc.).

Emotional coldness is a disorder in which an individual does not experience emotions at all, or their expression weakens.

With emotional stupor, under the influence of intense mental experiences (fear, horror, danger to life), a state arises in which affective activity and motor activity are blocked, and the thought process slows down.

Emotional depression , a pathological mental state, which is characterized by a drop in mood, loss of interest in everything around, and deterioration in well-being.

A long-standing affliction of humanity

Let us remember the Holy Scripture, which speaks of the suffering of the Savior. They tortured him for a day, then led him through the entire city and nailed him to a cross. What were the majority of people doing at this time? They, according to the apostle, stood and watched. The murder of the God-Man occurred at the will of thousands of indifferent people. Those invested with power, like Pilate, simple performers, like soldiers, and all those who stood and did nothing. But among them were those who ate the food that the Lord distributed to them, and those whose relatives He healed. As a result, they remained indifferent. Therefore, behind every brutal crime there is indifference - paralysis of the soul, as Chekhov called it. In our time, the time of the spread of this sin, believers should under no circumstances be indifferent.

Dante in The Divine Comedy depicts the fate of the indifferent as follows:

This is the sad lot of those pitiful souls that lived, not knowing neither the glory nor the shame of mortal affairs. And with them a bad flock of angels, That, not rebelling, were not faithful to the Most High, observing the middle. Heaven overthrew them, not tolerating the stain; And the abyss of their Hell does not accept, Otherwise guilt would become proud.

These lines are an example of the fact that indifference is a sin inherent in humanity throughout the history of its existence. Lermontov wrote about the same thing in his poem “Duma”:

We are shamefully indifferent to good and evil, At the beginning of the field we wither without a fight; Before danger we are shamefully cowardly, And before power we are despicable slaves.

Soullessness lies at the basis of all great troubles and misfortunes. We can't be like that. The saints entered the Kingdom of Heaven because they were not indifferent to the evil that they saw around them, to moral vices. This was, for example, John the Baptist: there were many worthy people next to him, but no one told Herod the truth, did not dare to expose him.

An emotionless person, why is he like this?

An unemotional or low-emotional person, why is he like this?

Some consider alexithymia to be a disease, others believe that it is a personality trait . Alexithymia is conventionally divided into primary and secondary.

Primary is caused by congenital defects that occur during the development of the fetus, the birth of a child, and the passage of the first childhood diseases.

Secondary is due to reasons that can manifest themselves at a more conscious age:

• traumatic experiences
• stressful situations,
• mental disorders.

Some experts see the causes of this disease in aspects related to public culture .

A person is not educated, he lacks a social culture, an elementary education in which he could study himself, his emotions and ways of expressing them.

The soil of many sins

All people, regardless of their religion, need to understand where good is and where evil is. As the apostle teaches: the senses must be “trained to discern between good and evil” (Heb. 5:14). We must be guided not by our momentary principles, but by the categories of eternity. Anyone who lives like this cannot be indifferent. Even small, local manifestations of grief and injustice are important and serious for us. Otherwise, it turns out like this: we all want our friends and acquaintances to be kind people, but we don’t want to be like that ourselves. We look for sin around us, but it lies on another plane: in us.

The sin of indifference is very serious. It lies at the root of so many sins. For example, it would seem: what does he have to do with gluttony, but it turns out that the glutton first became indifferent to himself, and then began to eat anything at random or without restrictions. It’s the same with the killer: at first he became indifferent to the value of another person’s life, his suffering. On the other hand, if we look at the life of this killer, it will probably turn out that he was surrounded by indifferent people. He is cold to the suffering of others, because he was indifferent to him in childhood and youth.

Why is there not enough emotion in life?

According to psychoanalysts, alexithymia is considered emotional dullness , developing as a defensive reaction to a certain negative factor. Throughout life, a person constantly faces stressful situations.

If he is not able to overcome them, gradual addiction occurs. The absence of an emotional reaction to what is happening serves as a defense mechanism of the human psyche.

The reason for the appearance of alexithymia may be certain concepts of upbringing that the individual had to go through at a tender age.

Statements like “men shouldn’t cry”, “public display of emotions is the height of indecency” can lead to the development of the ability to suppress one’s own feelings.

What is callousness?

This concept is studied primarily in psychology. Here it is defined as one that was formed on the basis of the loss of empathy, sympathy, and being emotionally sensitive to the problems and grief of other people or any other living being. Those who have had to deal with callous people know firsthand what callousness is. Unfortunately, there are more and more people like this in our society. We can encounter people's callous attitude towards us on the street, in a store, in a hospital, at work, and so on. What do experts understand by callousness and what other qualities is it supplemented with?

Emotional dullness: symptoms

How to recognize emotional dullness?

1. The individual cannot express his feelings in words. There is a mask on the face without emotions. Due to such emotional “illiteracy”, his intellect does not develop. Since a person does not understand experience, he has absolutely no inclination towards empathy.
   Sometimes he appears heartless and selfish in the eyes of others. Although in reality the individual would be happy to take part, he simply does not know how this is done.

   Because of this, in such situations, he often resolves the issue with a template phrase.

2. of conflicts with others increases Since a person does not understand his own emotions, he does not know how to change his behavioral reactions and approach to them. The result is loneliness.
3. One of the most striking signs is pragmatic thinking and a total lack of interest in creativity . Creative abilities develop only in those who are capable of vividly experiencing and understanding their own emotions. Alexithymic is not aware of his feelings, so he thinks based solely on logic. At the same time, sudden emotional outbursts are not uncommon, when an individual splashes out his state on other people, without realizing why this is happening.
4. Problems arise with adequate reflection on what is happening .
   Since an individual does not recognize emotions, he is unable to respond in a timely manner to the behavior of others and adapt to it. At the same time, self-regulation does not suffer particularly. If necessary, alexithymics can quickly change both at the external and internal levels, adapting to new conditions.
5. Alexithymics may not dream at all. If they dream of something in their night dreams, then, as a rule, it is ordinary gray everyday life.
6. They deny that problems are caused by emotional impulses . There is no such thing as intuition for them.
7. When talking about their own experiences, these people often use words that describe physical sensations . They are not able to distinguish between physical pain and mental anguish, joy and warmth.
8. The existence of such individuals becomes unbearably boring and dull due to the lack of emotions; their personal and social life is not organized .
   Lacking the ability to understand the feelings of another person, an alexithymic person suspects that the partner is making up problems out of nowhere. The inability to feel guilt and remorse leads to the fact that such a person shifts responsibility onto the shoulders of others, and this, of course, does not contribute to the establishment of strong relationships.
9. These people are afraid of change and avoid expressing their own feelings. The very idea of ​​allowing themselves to be more emotional causes strong resistance in them.
10. Most alexithymics feel lifeless, as if something is missing inside. As a result, they strive to fill this emptiness with anything.
    For this reason, such people often fall into alcohol or drug addiction, because these substances color the world with different colors, filling it with vivid emotions and unusual sensations. As soon as the effect wears off, you want to take a new dose again and again. There are many behavioral addictions that allow you to experience a lot of feelings and experiences at once.

What is indifference

When considering the phenomenon of indifference, one must take into account that the individual’s choice is completely conscious, it is a complete avoidance of taking part in any actions that do not concern him. This is either a refusal to help, or an inability to show support and compassion at a time of extreme need to help people. First of all, this behavior encourages obligations. The result of invading the life of strangers may be undesirable reactions, and the kindness shown by you sincerely and unselfishly may turn against you. But there are always risks; when making any decision, we are responsible for the future consequences. So is it worth rejecting people who need us?

Experiencing the indifference shown by others towards us, we feel upset and stop believing in humanity; it is not easy to trust again, what to say about providing help to others when we ourselves did not receive it on time. By refusing help and remaining indifferent, we risk experiencing a feeling of guilt over time, which will leave a detrimental imprint on our lives. Why carry the weight of guilt with you? When there is an opportunity to do good and live with the belief that everything possible has been accomplished.

However, indifference can occur in absolutely everyone, regardless of character and values. The reason for this behavior is sometimes simple boredom. Boredom can cause a sluggish depressive state; while experiencing it, the individual does not have the required amount of internal resources to assist in the problems of others. A task that you do separately from work or study will help you overcome boredom; finding a task that has become an outlet and will begin to fill you with positive energy and strength is very important. This is related to age, so you can look for a type of activity that will bring happiness at any period of your life, as well as change it in the future.

Human behavior as a social being is strictly regulated by a certain number of hereditary factors. The interaction of a subject with society is a reflection of its characteristics.

To raise a caring person, parents should talk with their child about the manifestation of indifference in life, give examples, discuss various situations and discuss how they can show compassion, provide mutual assistance and understanding. Observe the manifestation of indifference in your child, perhaps by analyzing his interests and hobbies. If there are none, it is advisable to start looking for a favorite activity together, because responsiveness to people is possible when a person develops harmoniously in all areas.

Forecast

Lack of emotion does not affect life expectancy in any way , but it does reduce the quality of existence.

The prognosis is this: a meager life alone, devoid of bright colors and joyful moments.

First of all, it is difficult for an individual to understand himself. He seems to be experiencing feelings, but they do not fill him with the energy that normal people receive.

Positive emotions motivate, negative emotions allow you to feel threatened and learn from certain situations. A person suffering from alexithymia is deprived of this .

Communication deteriorates noticeably. A person cannot show his own emotions and give an adequate reaction to other people’s remarks. A person is incapable of compassion , as a result of which he becomes dry and soulless.

The logical approach is not always effective; the individual is considered selfish and ruthless.

People around you do not understand how to communicate with someone who does not show emotions and does not discuss them.

Social activity becomes impoverished because there are simply no people in a person’s life who are ready to accept it without emotional intimacy. The result of alexithymia is a monotonous, routine existence.

Life is so predictable that it is literally calibrated step by step, since the individual is not able to find himself in situations in which they act under the influence of emotions.

On the one hand, this, of course, frees you from unforeseen difficulties, but, on the other hand, there is no opportunity to experience unfamiliar situations.

What can callousness and indifference lead to?

These moral and psychological characteristics of a person, in their essence, do not carry anything destructive at first glance. A callous person may not do anything wrong, but the results of indifferent behavior are amazing. How many times do we come across statements: “If only they had rushed in earlier...”, “If only they had helped me right away...”, “If only he had been given medical assistance right away...”? Indeed, if you pay attention to a person and his problem a little earlier, you can protect him from fatal mistakes, prevent personal catastrophes, and so on.

B. Yasensky once said a very good phrase on this topic. He clearly notes that enemies can kill at worst, friends can betray, but they are worse than everyone else. They can silently consent to murder and betrayal. You never know what to expect from them. Callousness and indifference can lead to physical and psychological injuries, loss of meaning in life, and death in extreme cases.

Examples of heartlessness

Both literature and cinema, as well as the everyday life of every person, are full of examples of heartlessness. This is due to the fact that those who remain sensitive are extremely outraged and surprised by such a reaction of another person and the ability to interact with the world in this way

All fictitious examples are intended to somehow draw attention to where callousness usually originates, so as not to fight its consequences, but to nip the development of such situations in the bud. These are also attempts to reach those who still have some drops of sensitivity left in them, so that they see the possible negative consequences

For everyone else, it is best to familiarize yourself with the concept of heartlessness using the examples given below in order to recognize this trait in yourself or your loved ones in time.

Heartlessness always manifests itself where help or sympathy is required. For example, if one of the children was asked to care for an animal, but it is boring or difficult for him and he stops feeding the pet, this is not about inattention and age, but about a lack of concern. Finding your own benefit can be in absurd things - not giving up your seat on a transport to an elderly person in order to put your bag and not holding it in your hands, not waiting for a colleague from work, picking up the last car, because you wanted to drink tea.

There is a lack of cordiality in the black humor and sarcasm. When doctors, due to their specialization, are no longer sensitive to death and strong feelings about the health of other people, they can say phrases that plunge patients into a state of quiet horror and numbness. It cannot be said that this is being done on purpose or that the person was striving for this, because those who most empathize with those around them go to treatment, only then burn out in the process.

Mothers who hit their children to stop them crying in the street and disturbing people passing by are also examples of heartlessness, since they choose to maintain their selfish interests (preserving the image of a cultured and nurturing woman who fits into social norms) rather than responding to the needs of the child.

This quality of character does not necessarily have to manifest itself at the level of personal interaction between people who are familiar and significant to each other, it’s just there that it hurts the most. On the street they may push you and say that it is their own fault, they may ignore a request for directions or to find a pharmacy - these are small manifestations that concern everyone.

Absolute cordiality is helping all those who ask and need, even when they are silent, it is worrying about the fate of the people of the world, located a meter away and on another continent. It is impossible to withstand such stress, no heart can contain so much pain, so protection in the form of heartlessness, indifference, callousness is triggered, helping an individual to survive. The main problem is how strongly this or that polarity is manifested and how relevant it is to the situation.

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