Narcissism is a term that describes human behavior. It usually involves complacency, overly inflated self-esteem, manipulation in relationships, and taking advantage of other people. In modern psychology there is even a narcissistic personality type. In psychiatry there is such a thing as narcissistic personality disorder. In this case, narcissism is no longer just some complex of human character traits, but a real mental illness that cannot be completely cured. The good news is that narcissism in such a serious form is very rare. However, in this article, let's talk about the normal kind of narcissism. Here is a list of 18 types of behavior of people who are narcissists (or narcissists), based on scientific research as well as expert opinion. It, of course, will not help you diagnose anything, but with its help you will already be able to identify the narcissist from your environment. Or maybe he is hiding inside you?
You are a smug interlocutor
Narcissists often believe that their views are the right and best. And they definitely need others to recognize this. For example, a narcissist believes that he has some special connection with a higher power. But it’s not enough for him to just think like that. He needs others to know this and admire how deeply spiritual he is.
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is a narcissistic person who is confident in his own superiority over others. It’s quite easy to identify him among your friends. He tries to be the center of attention, and he succeeds because those around him behave much more modestly. The narcissist himself behaves noisily, speaks loudly and actively gestures. He constantly makes fun of his friends, and does not hesitate to gossip about comrades who are absent at the moment.
This behavior helps narcissists assert themselves. Because they behave with self-confidence, they often manage to achieve the desired effect. They laugh at their jokes, and listen to gossip with sincere interest. Despite all the attention, the narcissist often feels unappreciated. Any joke that is not appreciated can unsettle him. But, of course, those around him are to blame for not understanding his subtle and elegant sense of humor.
A narcissist is a person who surprisingly combines pathological narcissism and a low level of self-confidence. He considers himself beautiful, smart and talented, but he constantly needs confirmation of this from others.
Dealing with a narcissist is quite difficult, no matter who you are. In any case, you will sometimes have to point out his mistakes, and he endures such things extremely painfully. Any hint of his imperfection makes him suffer, and the person who told the truth becomes the culprit of this suffering.
Do you consider yourself the most beautiful
According to a study conducted by Seemin Wazir, a psychologist at the University of Washington, narcissistic people are generally rated by society as being more flamboyant and attractive in appearance. However, this is not always the case. During the experiment, narcissists highly rated their external characteristics and mental abilities. However, when taking the IQ test, they didn’t show anything outstanding. When peers were asked to evaluate their narcissistic friends based on external appearance, their opinion was lower in this regard than the view of narcissists about themselves.
Narcissism - what is it?
There is a lot said about narcissism.
Narcissistic egoists are interesting for their psychology and this is constantly discussed on the RuNet. What attracts these arrogant and insufferable people? What is it about them that makes us talk about it for many years? It’s a paradox, but many are attracted to such people, however, when they come closer, they begin to understand that behind the shine of tinsel lies an insecure person. There are often cases when, having once tried to morally gut his beloved, a man “gets the taste” and cannot stop.
So what is it - a mental disorder or a congenital trait? How does narcissism manifest itself, how dangerous is it for others, and are there ways to get rid of it?
You fall in love easily and blindly
People who are characterized by narcissism quickly and easily fall in love and just as quickly and easily lose interest in the person. And all because at first the narcissist, arriving with rose-colored glasses, sees in front of him an absolutely ideal partner who perfectly complements his own perfection. This continues until his “glasses” fall off and he sees everything as real. Then he understands that the ideal he saw is just an illusion. And it is this fact that will put an end to their romantic relationship. After all, imperfection cannot be next to perfection, right?
How to recognize a narcissist: 5 main signs
Having found out who a narcissist is, let’s move on to an equally important question - how to recognize him among his friends. In psychology, there are fairly accurate methods that make it possible to unambiguously determine this disorder in a patient. But even an ordinary person can easily identify a narcissist by paying attention to several characteristic behavioral features. Usually such a person gives himself away by:
1. Likes to talk . The narcissist loves communication. In this case, only the illusion of dialogue is created, since he does most of the talking. He needs interlocutors to be surprised, admire, ask clarifying questions and in every possible way support the conversation without actively influencing its topic. It is not difficult to recognize a narcissist by his communication style: he always strives to be the center of attention, speaks loudly, actively gestures and demonstrates absolute confidence in his own rightness.
2. Pays maximum attention to appearance and status . He always tries to stand out, buys stylish, bright clothes, and attaches great importance to status items. He judges those around him by the same criteria. If the interlocutor is holding an iPhone that is not the latest model, it will not be easy for him to earn the narcissist’s respect.
3. Reacts sharply to criticism addressed to him . Even constructive criticism irritates the narcissist. And he doesn’t care how justified it is. This is always insulting to him, since he is confident in his infallibility. Most narcissists are confident that they are smarter than everyone around them, regardless of what level of education they have.
You like to rise at the expense of others
People subject to narcissism like to suppress others in order to further stroke their ego. Experts also believe that the desire for admiration is like a drug for narcissists. However, things get complicated because others won't admire them all the time. Therefore, narcissistic people are forced to look for new acquaintances and connections from whom they can receive a new portion of applause.
How did the term come about?
The term "narcissus" for this disorder was chosen due to an ancient Greek legend that tells how the flower of the same name came into being. Legend tells that the nymph Echo once met the beautiful Narcissus, with whom she fell in love. But the young man did not reciprocate her feelings; instead, he looked at his reflection in the water surface and admired his own beauty. The nymph wasted away from love, and soon all that was left of her was a voice wandering in the mountains.
The young man was punished for his arrogance. The goddess Nemesis made him fall in love with his own reflection. Narcissus was so fascinated that he could not take his eyes off him even for a second. He stood by the pond, bowing his head over the water, until he died of hunger. And later, a beautiful flower grew in that place, bending over as if looking into a water mirror. This legend very well describes the internal state of people with narcissistic disorder, whose entire attention is focused on their own personality.
You want to always be in control of everything
Narcissists love to control everything without falling into aggression. For example, in romantic relationships, their control may manifest through constant unpunctuality or requests to give up everything and do as they want. This is how narcissistic people provide themselves with a certain comfort zone in a relationship where the other partner cannot somehow influence the situation or change anything. By doing this, narcissists maintain the sense of independence and self-sufficiency that they so desperately need.
Author. Harper's BAZAAR Kazakhstan. Photo. Shutterstock.com.
Why do people become narcissists?
From a psychological point of view, the main causes of narcissism are errors in upbringing and mental trauma experienced in early childhood. Most often, this personality disorder develops at the age of 2-3 years, when the baby develops a conscious perception of the world around him and begins to communicate quite meaningfully with his parents. If during this period a child begins to be reproached for mistakes “for educational purposes” (broken toys, incorrect movements, poor learning ability), his self-esteem is disturbed and social connections are established incorrectly.
Every child needs the approval of their parents when showing them the first drawing or craft they created with their own hands. If his parents criticize his work or simply brush him off, he receives psychological trauma, which he will try to compensate for as an adult. Excessive admiration can also lead to a similar result. From childhood, a child must understand that one can only receive praise for achievements once. His efforts cannot be ignored, but there is no need to praise him undeservedly either.
Narcissism in each of us
Of course, in fairness, it should be said that a certain amount of narcissism is characteristic of each of us, when in the depths of our souls the stability of our own self-image remains and in order for such a feeling to be preserved, we must remember (but without specifically remembering anything) about happy childhood years when we grew up in tenderness and affection, with a feeling of complete security, which was provided by our parents and other loved ones.
If a child in childhood experienced a lack of attention, love and care from his parents, then subsequently one should not be surprised at the presence of narcissism.
But, as a rule, under the mask of narcissism hides a very vulnerable and lonely person.
Narcissism: reasons for its appearance
Psychologists see the cause of such a pathology and disease in the childhood of a narcissistic person, because each of us is born into the world not yet possessing the ability to love anyone, including ourselves, and this is explained by the fact that a newborn is not endowed with any holistic understanding neither in relation to the surrounding world, nor in relation to oneself.
Only later does the baby begin to learn all this, in particular, he does this through parental love.
And when the baby notices that he is becoming the “center of the universe” for his loved ones and understands that “the whole world revolves around him,” then this state is called natural (primary) narcissism.
We are all selfish and narcissistic, the main thing is that this does not become a way of life. Disana Kumykova
Over the years, a gradual expansion of the child's horizons occurs, and the baby begins to realize the fact that the world is much larger, and there are, in general, a huge number of people in it; at the same time, he comes to the realization that his ability to love, as well as part of the energy reserve, he will have to distribute it among a larger number of people around him.
But in the case when a person is not capable of such “sacrifices,” then we can already talk about “secondary” narcissism, which allows us to draw conclusions about the presence of a personality disorder.
Modern narcissism
Of course, it cannot be said that modern narcissists in all their parameters correspond to the mythical hero; this is not the case, at least even in relation to their external data, and the very concept of narcissism is no longer perceived so unambiguously and has more than one interpretation, with which we and let's introduce you.
Of course, more often than not this word is associated with narcissism, which does not recognize any other opinions from the outside.
There is also an opinion, which has a psychiatric orientation, that narcissism is nothing more than a banal personality disorder, in which all the sensual energy of a certain person is directed only at himself, and in no way at anyone around him.
And many scientists and psychiatrists even believe that narcissism is a mental illness for which a person needs to be treated.
