Self-examination is a destructive form of introspection. This is an unhealthy reflection in which a person focuses on the negative and, instead of solving problems and learning from his mistakes, replays an unpleasant situation in his head over and over again. Self-examination negatively affects self-perception, mood, general mental and physical well-being. Let's find out in more detail what self-digging is and how to get rid of it.
What is self-examination
In simple words, self-examination is, in psychology, excessive introspection of actions, thoughts, feelings, and experiences. How does soul-searching differ from healthy self-analysis? Duration (self-examination never ends, because it does not involve finding solutions to problems) and concentration on the negative. A person prone to self-examination does not notice his own merits and achievements. He pays attention only to failures, mistakes, shortcomings, weaknesses.
What is the scientific name for self-examination? There is no official term. You can use the following concept: “destructive and excessive (obsessive) introspection.”
Important! Self-examination intensifies feelings and worsens well-being. Self-analysis helps a person understand himself, find the cause of poor health and eliminate it.
Signs
Signs of self-digging:
- you focus only on the negative;
- your introspection has no goal, you jump from one thought to another;
- there is a stable heightened background of anxiety;
- you are stuck in the moment, do not look at the future and do not take into account past experiences (except negative ones, that is, you remember all your “sins”);
- you compare yourself with other people, and your life with their lives;
- all reasoning is abstract in nature and lacks specifics (“if only”, “if only”, “it would be necessary”, “if only”, etc.).
A person does not try to analyze a problematic situation and find a way out of it. Instead, he simply replays the unpleasant situation over and over again, and sometimes also fantasizes in a negative way: “Eh, I should have done/said this,” “Why did I do that?”, “She looked at me like that... I guess I I did something wrong,” “He definitely won’t invite me for a walk again.” As a rule, these are situations of failure and humiliation, shame and anger, and other negative experiences.
Going into self-examination, a person once again experiences an unpleasant situation with the same intensity of emotions. This is another difference between self-examination and introspection: in the first case, emotions take precedence over reason, in the second, objective work is carried out with facts.
When self-searching, a person becomes fixated on the feeling of his own helplessness. He doesn't pay attention to his resources and how they can be used or where he can get additional tools to solve the problem.
Why you shouldn't do this: consequences
Constantly digging into oneself and focusing on negative aspects, a person begins to look at life only from this angle
A subject fixated on negative emotions begins to perceive life through this prism and loses energy. The more time passes, the less motivation he has to perform basic actions. The so-called procrastination sets in.
If a person regularly expresses his reasoning and negative emotions, his acquaintances begin to turn away from him.
Lack of motivation and activity with positive results leads to a gradual deterioration in all areas of life. Due to stress growing like a snowball, a person may develop various addictions:
- dependence on alcohol and illicit drugs;
- gambling addiction and so on.
The person will make attempts to escape from another reality, where he is supposedly not so bad.
Another consequence of constantly focusing on the negative can be an eating disorder. During this transformation of the body, interest in one's own appearance is lost. The subject stops taking care of himself, his image deteriorates. New acquaintances begin to perceive the person negatively.
People don’t like “eternal whiners” who beg for attention in this way
Acquaintances gradually begin to turn away from people who begin to look at life through the focus of their own soul-searching.
Fixation on the negative does not make you want to carry on a conversation. Many people perceive such people as “whiners” and “beggars”, constantly demanding pity and attention to themselves. This leads to disruption of social connections.
If things go too far, psychosomatic illnesses can develop. The physical body reacts to negative thoughts prolonged over time.
Reasons for appearance
The reasons for self-examination are dependence on other people’s opinions and comparison of oneself with other people. A person sees the success and happiness of others, compares his life with this and feels like a failure. At the same time, he loses sight of the shortcomings of other people, the problems and difficulties that they had to face. But in himself, on the contrary, he sees only the negative.
As for the positive perception of other people, it is often also distorted. A person is sure that they are lucky, that all the benefits come to them easily and for nothing. And if he admits that the man himself has made a lot of effort, he will still add: “Well, he’s smart. Not like me” or “If I had his talent, I would too...”, etc.
Interesting! People with an inferiority complex go into self-examination. And they don't understand that this thinking model increases this complex.
Where to begin
There is no universal approach to reflection; everyone finds the path that suits them. Common, no-frills methods include:
- conversations with yourself while walking, preferably where no one is tugging at your sleeve; - sitting in a secluded place, preferably with eyes closed; - writing practices - keeping diaries and drawing mental maps; - discussion of the experience with a psychologist or mentor - in a word, with someone who is able to formulate the necessary questions.
Experts advise choosing a time to study when you are as honest with yourself as possible. And if you can immediately determine at what time this happens, then you already have a good skill of self-reflection.
The harm of self-examination
Self-digging is like running in circles. First, a person blames himself for something; because of the feeling of guilt, he begins to delve into himself. Gradually, guilt gives way to anger. Then the search for an excuse begins. And, as a rule, a person finds it and begins to feel sorry for himself. After this, everything repeats: he makes the same mistake, suffers from feelings of guilt, then gets angry, then justifies and feels sorry for himself.
Self-examination is based on multiple fears, anxiety, unprocessed traumas and other psychological problems. By rushing from the extreme of “guilt” to the extreme of “it’s your own fault, poor, unhappy me,” a person protects himself from exhaustion and burnout. But this can hardly be called a solution to the problem and a healthy tactic of behavior. You need to fight bad experiences and failures, and not just “worry” about it. Self-examination has no purpose, as well as benefit.
Note! Self-examination is a characteristic of people stuck in the role of a victim. They are afraid and do not want to take responsibility and fight for personal happiness.
Rational filling of the void
“The soul must work” is not just a line from Zabolotsky, but practical advice to everyone who is gnawing away the remnants of their own personality, revealing a dull and uninteresting emptiness inside. If such gaps are ignored, they will begin to grow, erasing a person from life.
But the desire to work on yourself, enrich your inner world and improve outside will be an excellent opportunity to solve the problem of destructive self-analysis.
Photo by meijii: Pexels
To do this, you need to focus on real life: go out into the world, follow the news, communicate with interesting and versatile personalities, adjust your appearance taking into account modern opportunities (from banal visits to the gym and massage therapist to the services of plastic surgeons).
The latter is only an auxiliary factor, since it is much more important to accept and appreciate yourself for who you are. Self-diggers also have to learn this.
How to get rid of self-digging
Every person can transform soul-searching into healthy and productive self-reflection. To do this, you need to break the vicious circle. How? Ask yourself specific questions and answer them. We have already discussed how to conduct healthy self-analysis in another article. Here we outline the main provisions that help get rid of self-digging.
How to stop self-searching:
- Monitor negative thoughts and replace them with objective facts (both good and bad). Stop seeing the world one-sidedly.
- Swap a past focus for a future focus (“What should I do to avoid making this mistake again?”).
- Learn to see your strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses, victories and defeats. Compose your portrait in writing, consisting of personal qualities. Remember that every person has a dark and a light side. And we all make mistakes, but not everyone knows how to learn from mistakes and see opportunities in difficulties. Learn this.
- Work on your shortcomings. This will free you from self-criticism. Stop making excuses and just feeling sorry for yourself. Think about what you can do right now to become the best version of yourself. Again, stick to the rule of specifics: what, why, how and in what time you will do it. We have already discussed how to set goals. Learn to see the main goal and meaning of life, then you will perceive everything else as something unimportant, coming and going, solvable.
In parallel, you can work with self-perception. Make two portraits of yourself: the real self and the ideal self. The second is what you should compare yourself to and what you should strive for. Please note that the Real Self should rest on your individual psychological characteristics, that is, this is the “you” that, with due effort, you can really become. However, do not forget that there is no ideal (this element of the Self-concept is simply called that in psychology), that is, the process of achieving the image of the Real Self is continuous. In addition, this portrait will change over the course of life. You'll see.
Important! If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, then find a psychologist who will help you get rid of the bad habit and its causes.
Analysis and planning
A good way to stop attacks of self-hatred is to analyze a specific situation in terms of “what happened,” “how it could happen,” and “how it will happen tomorrow.” To complete the exercise, you need to draw three columns, putting the projections in the header.
Photo by Mikhail Nilov: Pexels
- In the first column, write the situation that caused you to have an attack of soul-searching. Describe your actions and results.
- The second contains your own vision of which scenario would be the most optimal and the methods for achieving it.
- The third is your behavior (from words and intonations to practical actions), which will make it possible to get the desired result.
The initial belief in success is practically inaccessible to self-diggers, but this exercise will be a good training for changing your view of your own future, will add confidence and help you competently switch to an objective analysis.
My experience
My attempts to understand myself began a long time ago, probably in my early teens (if not earlier). But then any good intentions ended in self-examination and self-flagellation. It seems like a harmless and simple question: “Why did he/she/they do this? I guess I...” or “Why did I/didn’t I do this?” ended in hatred and self-pity. By the way, there were more questions focused on other people (I think this is directly related to dependence on others, fixation on other people’s assessment).
I grew up, became wiser, and became immersed in psychology. And oh, miracle! Gradually, abstract reasoning gave way to concrete questions, and the search for all the troubles in myself - with a healthy analysis of the situation, the motives of other people, and my actions. I taught myself to repeat the phrase “What happened, you can’t change it,” and after that to concentrate on what we have. As I call it, “Let's work with the raw data in the present moment.” Of course, sometimes my thoughts still flew into negativity and meaningless scrolling in the “what if” style, but I forcefully brought myself back to reality. Little by little I learned to be the master of my life, take responsibility, change circumstances or adapt to what cannot be changed right now or at all.
Through self-persuasion, I managed to accept the fact that all people make mistakes. At least everyone is one of those who are trying to live the way they want, and not just going with the flow. In difficult periods of my life, I still tell myself: “I was wrong. I've already been wrong. And I'll be wrong again. I don’t know when or where, but it will certainly happen. That is life. Yes, what happened now is unpleasant, but all this will go away. Not by itself, of course, but with my help. By the way, what can I do right now to mitigate/neutralize the consequences of the error? What can I do in the long term to avoid making the same mistake?”
Important! It is normal to make mistakes, but it is not normal to make the same mistake twice, thrice or more times.
