I feel like I have no strength or desire to live. What to do?

Blows of fate, crushing failures and painful losses can accompany a person at any stage of life. Sometimes it happens that the world loses its colors, hope disappears, the meaning of existence disappears. It is in moments like these that the desire to fight and continue to exist disappears. And many begin to wonder what to do if they don’t want to live at all? These types of difficult moments must be overcome against all odds, even when you want to give up. It doesn’t matter what depressing and painful situations a person faces during a period of life. It is important not to succumb to their influence. After all, every day you live brings with it something new, previously unknown, and interesting. Today the sky is black and there is a thunderstorm, and tomorrow the sky will sparkle with a variety of colors reflected in the warm sunshine.

A similar thing happens in human existence. It’s as if there is no way out of the host of problems today, but tomorrow something happens that solves all the problems in one fell swoop. After all, everything can be improved or corrected, only death is irreversible. Therefore, as long as a person exists physically, hope must always glimmer within him.

I feel like I have no strength or desire to live. What to do?

This material is part of a collaboration between the Need Help Foundation and the Yandex.Q service.
The commentary was prepared for the project “SOS Questions” - these are safe and competent answers from experts to questions from people who find themselves in a crisis situation.

Photo: K. Mitch Hodge / Unsplash.com

Alena Kizino

Psychologist at the Children's Hospice "House with a Lighthouse"

People often look for an answer to the question: “Why am I living?” It is absolutely normal for anyone to try to understand what their role is. But if you feel completely exhausted, then this condition may have both a psychological and physiological reason.

Firstly, you should go see a doctor . It cannot be ruled out that you have no desire to live because you feel unwell, something physically bothers you, or you have a chronic disease.

What to do if you don’t want to live - advice from a psychologist

First of all, the individual who has asked this question is recommended to try to understand the events taking place. Analyzing the situation helps you make the right decision, plan specific strategic actions, and helps to slightly distract yourself from depressing thoughts.

In addition, it is necessary to distinguish between depressive moods or banal melancholy, which falls within the boundaries of normality, from real depression. You can overcome despondency and melancholy on your own, but a depressive state needs professional correction.

If a person is faced with the question: “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you should not drive such thoughts away from yourself, considering them shameful or unacceptable. The problem does not cease to exist and have a detrimental effect if a person pretends that it does not exist. It is at the stage when an individual begins to think about the need for further existence that he so urgently needs help.

It often happens that the subject of a depressive mood is so shameful and forbidden that the individual has to exist for years in a depressed state. Some cannot cope with the severity of the problems and find peace at the bottom of the bottle, while others attribute discouragement and apathy to fatigue from work, hiding the lack of aspirations behind responsibilities, justifying the lack of a normal intimate life with everyday problems. Such a trivial existence can continue for a long period until the individual one day realizes that he has long ceased to feel happiness. People, behind the everyday heap of problems, the intense rhythm of life, the endless pursuit of imaginary values, lose value guidelines, lose goals and understanding of the meaning of existence. They turn into robots that exist according to a program set by someone.

The mistake of most human subjects lies in the pattern of thinking. Many people follow their own path through life, but rather one imposed by society, their social environment, or their relatives. That’s why work doesn’t bring pleasure, my husband has long since grown tired of me, and my children have become annoying.

Therefore, first of all, you need to reconsider your life goals, your own pastime, understand what really brings pleasure, gives joy and illuminates with happiness. When an individual completely loses interest in his own existence, loses social activity and becomes apathetic towards everything, he should immediately visit a psychologist.

If an individual plunges into a whirlpool of experiences after a certain life situation, he must try to get out of this state on his own. Since inaction will lead to fixation on difficulties, which can plunge the subject into a depressive abyss.

The most common factor that causes melancholy is fixation on a certain unpleasant event. A constant whirlpool of problems scrolling through your head, conducting a silent internal conversation with a ghostly opponent, imagining the possible course of events if a specific negative situation had not occurred. With such thoughts, the individual independently drives himself deeper and deeper into depression. The inability to correct the event that happened, coupled with a passionate desire to change what is happening, will drive anyone to madness. Stopping it now is the main goal of a healthy psyche.

When everything that happens is so bad and the only question hauntingly haunts you is “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you need to remember creativity. And there is no need to limit your own person in creative self-realization. Creativity is beneficial due to its variety of directions: playing music, drawing, modeling, embroidery, dancing, knitting. Every form of creative art brings with it peace. You can choose the most elementary direction, even if it is considered childish. The main condition is that the hobby gives joy and pleasure.

Art therapy not only helps to get rid of a depressive mood, but can also reveal a tendency towards a certain direction, which the individual himself had not previously suspected. The creative process will allow you to relax, forget about sorrows, and learn new things. A huge advantage of the described method is the opportunity to please loved ones with a souvenir of your own making. But the happiness of a loved one will not leave anyone indifferent.

If the rhythm of life allows, then it is recommended to take a time out. You can go on vacation or take a couple of days off, go to your homeland, to the mountains, exclude all noisy parties, devote this time exclusively to yourself, without allowing yourself to be burdened with problems.

Motivational literature

How to find motivation on your own? It is worth reading some literature. Sometimes ordinary quotes about life that can be found on the Internet are enough, but books have a greater impact. There are good motivator quotes about life in Osho’s books. The wise words of the master manage to change people’s attitudes towards themselves, the world, relationships and much more.

For many, someone else's positive example becomes the motivation for action. You should read inspiring literature. An excellent choice would be Nick Vujicic's autobiography, Life Without Borders. The story of a man born with a rare diagnosis of tetra-amelia (congenital absence of both arms and legs), but who found the strength and opportunity to live happily and fully, motivates action. The vitality of this man is admirable and inspiring.

The famous psychologist Viktor Frankl also has good motivational books. This man survived imprisonment in a concentration camp, but retained the will to live and the desire to help other people. If you suffer from a lack of desire to live, you should familiarize yourself with his autobiographical works.

Believers are often motivated by religious texts. It makes sense to read the Lives of the Saints. You can learn a lot of useful things from such books describing the life path of saints.

If you have no desire to study serious literature, it will be useful to read a light story with a happy ending. Sometimes reading a light story about how life is good can be motivating. This will be especially effective for people with chronic fatigue syndrome, since such stories calm the nerves and help restore energy. Motivation to live arises after reading books by Jojo Moyes, Cecilia Ahern, and good works about animals.

Practical methods

How to develop motivation? Keep a diary of achievements. In a difficult moment, realizing how much you have already done will give you strength to move on. Many successful people also keep a goal diary, where large tasks are broken down into small steps that will tell them what to do at each specific moment. This simple step will allow you to avoid disappointment if you fail to implement your plan for a long time.

You should constantly discover something new. These could be new places to travel, hobbies, practices and much more. It is useful to constantly expand your circle of acquaintances. You should choose positive-minded people for communication, since the environment largely shapes your living space. Depressed people who have lost their motivation for life can negatively affect your worldview and attitude towards yourself. On the contrary, communicating with a motivated person can increase the desire to live.

How to motivate yourself? Start inspiring the other person. In the process, there is a high probability of finding something that will help you specifically. A word spoken to another is better stored in the head, forming the person’s own experience.

Children often provide the impetus for life. Caring for a small child prevents you from sinking into depression and forces you to constantly do something. But you shouldn’t make a child the only meaning of life. It should be understood that parenting is not the only area in life. It is imperative to find time for your own development and relaxation, to enjoy life.

Praise yourself

In Abraham Maslow's A Theory of Human Motivation pyramid of needs, one of the top tiers is the need for respect and recognition. For a person to feel good, it is very important to know that he is valued and that his deeds are important and meaningful. From school, if not from kindergarten, we get used to expecting praise from other people, and not from ourselves.

And we consider achievements only what can be measured, evaluated and presented to others - a promotion at work, buying a car, receiving a diploma. But many, at first glance, small steps that make up our path to great success remain unnoticed.

John Croft, an ecologist who spent many years studying the life and philosophy of the Australian Aborigines, together with his colleagues came up with Dragon dreaming - a method of planning personal and corporate projects. He believes that there should be four processes in life - dreaming, planning, doing and celebrating. And without the last thing - celebration - the cycle remains incomplete, we do not feel pleasure and recognition.

Any steps - even those that seem tiny to us - are worth celebrating, not devaluing.

Preparing a delicious and balanced lunch may seem like a piece of cake at first glance. But if you take a closer look, this is one of the elements that makes up the health of the whole family. Half a page of text might seem like very little, but at this rate you can write a whole book in a year.

For those who are tired, confused and unsure of themselves, it is especially important to celebrate achievements - both big and small, everyday. As an option, keep a success diary and write down at least five things every day for which you can praise yourself. Even what we are used to not noticing is counted - routine household chores and work tasks.

This practice will help you feel important and find a source of recognition and praise within yourself, rather than expecting it from other people. And of course, no one is stopping you from pampering yourself with entertainment and pleasant purchases, or making it a rule to regularly celebrate successes with your family or friends.

Believe in yourself