Can a person change for the better and how to do it

Are you satisfied with yourself? Do you like the way you look, your character and the way your life is going?

Often it is dissatisfaction with oneself that pushes one to think about changes, and then the world around will change and seem better.

Not every person is able to begin to change - most people like to suffer and think that life itself will somehow change.

The catch is that change is difficult in every sense. Therefore, it is even believed that people, in principle, do not change. But is this really so?

In this article:

Do people changeWhere to start changing10 steps towards change

Do people change

Photo by Mitul Gajera on Unsplash
Many may immediately say: “no!” And give an example where a man cheated in one relationship, so why would he suddenly behave differently in others? But we must remember that all people are different and one size never fits all.

The human psyche does not like to change at all. She already barely adapts to the modern world. It is impossible to cure a person with addiction without his desire. With his addiction, he covers up some other needs. This is where the idea came from that people don’t change. If this were true, then psychotherapy would die out as unnecessary.

Nowadays, a lot of people are trying to change for the better, but not lose their individuality. A person can change. In addition to natural changes (growing up, a new stage in life, a change in marital status), life throws up shocks and challenges that leave their mark, forcing you to change your consciousness and look at things differently.

But it also happens when a person realizes that he can no longer be the way he is now and thinks about changes. In this case, you need to have enormous willpower, desire and motivation. Then everything will start to work out.

Choosing a life path that changes a person ready-made final essay 2021

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5 ready-made final essays for 2021-2022 on the topic of choosing a life path that changes a person, the direction of a person traveling: the road in a person’s life (real, imaginary, bookish road). The essay mentions various literary works.

Essay No. 1

Probably every person had to choose something in his life. This could be the choice of clothes, music, choice when making any purchase, and much more. But in my opinion, the choice in terms of scale and significance in a person’s life can be different. People make choices every day while performing everyday tasks. But there is a decision made by a person consciously that changes him. This decision can be positive or negative, respectively, and the person changes in the direction of his choice. In my opinion, a person’s character and his life depend on the choice of his life path.

Let us turn to the work of Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy “War and Peace”. The author of the novel shows the choice of life path using the example of Pierre Bezukhov.

His decision influenced the further course of action, choosing the path of self-improvement. At first his life was dissolute, he loved to drink and have fun. But after the death of his father, everything changes: the estate is inherited by him, now he is the owner of great wealth and excessive attention from people who until that time despised and discussed him because of his unexemplary behavior. This series of circumstances incomprehensible to him forces him to escape from such a life. During the war years, spending his life among ordinary soldiers, he understands the meaning of life and makes a decision that changes his life for the better.

As a second example, let’s look at the work “Poor Liza.” The author of the work, using the example of Erast, shows the opposite of positive choice. He was from a noble family, lived in luxury, but preferred to have a relationship with a simple peasant girl than with a woman of his circle. They spent time together, dreamed of creating a family and eternal love. So, after Erast left, Lisa met him in the city. By this time, he changed his mind, since he could not live with a simple peasant woman. As a result, he ruined his life and the life of a loved one by deciding to live with an elderly but rich lady.

Thus, choosing your life path changes a person, his lifestyle and brings results.

Essay No. 2

What can change a person? Of course, this is the choice of the chosen one. Love can motivate a person to work on himself and become his driving force. But some relationships, on the contrary, hinder people's development and allow them to indulge their weaknesses. All these processes are described in detail in fiction.

For example, I.A. Goncharov in the novel “Oblomov” introduced his hero to two women, and in his relationships with each of them, Ilya Ilyich changed a lot. The first was Olga Ilyinskaya - an ambitious and intelligent noblewoman, young and full of enthusiasm. Lazy, apathetic and infantile Oblomov, who valued his peace above all else, under the influence of the spell of love and energy of his chosen one, became completely different. He exchanged his old dressing gown for a weekend suit, now preferred being awake instead of sleep, and instead of loneliness - the company of his beloved. He walked, paid visits, and was interested in the world around him. Outwardly, he lost weight and acquired a complexion. But in his relationship with Agafya Pshenitsyna, a mature bourgeois and rather limited person, Oblomov completely sank: he gained even more excess weight, stopped leaving the house and devoted all his time to idleness. He never brought order to the household and was unable to increase his capital, at least for his son. On the contrary, Ilya Ilyich, under the care of his dumb wife, ignored medical orders and died in the prime of his life, leaving the child an orphan. This example allows us to conclude that the choice of a chosen one or chosen one fundamentally affects the personality.

The wrong choice of a betrothed can ruin a person’s whole life and suppress a person’s will. This is proven by an example from the play by A.N. Ostrovsky "The Thunderstorm". The main character married Tikhon Kabanov and found herself in a provincial merchant environment, mired in ignorance, rudeness, and superstition. People in Kalinov lived for centuries according to the outdated rules of Domostroy, but all their piety was ostentatious. In fact, the families were dominated by the tyranny of the one who could drive everyone else out into the street by right of seniority. According to the foundations of Domostroy, it was Tikhon who was supposed to be the head of the Kabanov house. But in practice, everything was controlled by his cruel, selfish and quarrelsome mother. Tikhon himself was a weak-willed and insignificant person, all of whose dreams boiled down to leisure in a tavern, away from reproaches and strict control. He left his young wife to be torn to pieces by his mother and did not help her in any way to protect herself from Kabanikha. Because of this, Katerina, who always lived in an atmosphere of respect, freedom and understanding, completely drooped: “How playful I was! “I’ve completely withered away from you,” she admitted to Varvara. If earlier life was a joy for her, and she sang with joy, prayed until she cried, now she had to play to the public, catering to the senseless and rude demands of her mother-in-law and her circle. An optimistic girl, inspired by will, turned into a dusty figurine in the sideboard. Thus, the choice of a betrothed changed the behavior, attitude and fate of the heroine.

Thus, people change dramatically when they choose a life partner. Love either transforms them, encourages them to develop, or contributes to their degradation and deeply buries good inclinations and important goals. That's why it's so important to make the right choice!

Essay No. 3

The choice of life guidelines and moral principles is the most important decision that changes a person and his destiny. If a person values ​​decency, faithfulness to his word, and justice above all else, then he develops morally and ethically. If she puts personal gain on a pedestal, then she degrades and loses the best that is inherent in her. To confirm this, consider literary examples.

So, N.V. Gogol in the story “Taras Bulba” demonstrates the changes that occurred in Andriy’s soul when he put his love for a beautiful Pole above all else in the world. Andriy Bulba was the son of a Cossack colonel and fought on the side of his people against the Poles. At home he still had his native lands, his mother, his faith. He defended the Cossacks’ right to identity and fought shoulder to shoulder with his comrades who trusted him. But his passion for a beautiful girl from the enemy camp confused the cards of his fate. At night he sneaked into the besieged city to feed her starving family with bread and, when he saw her, he lost his head. Andriy renounced his fatherland and family, comrades and religious beliefs. He called the beautiful lady his homeland. Now his highest moral principle was serving this girl. And this crazy love pushed him to betrayal. He abandoned his family and his roots, his country and friends, and violated the trust of his father and brother. All these negative changes are caused by the wrong choice of life guidelines.

But not always a moral choice puts a person between love and the Motherland, forcing him to betray at least something. We see a completely different example in the work of A.S. Pushkin "The Captain's Daughter". The main character served as an officer in the unit that was attacked by the rebels. Pyotr Grinev was a hereditary nobleman and did not share the views of the rebellious peasants on the state structure. Above all, he valued loyalty to the oath and his word, so he could not betray the queen even for show, in order to save his life. The invaders of the Belogorsk fortress presented all captives with a choice: treason or death. Grinev chose execution. He had to show self-sacrifice, fortitude and pride, because his moral convictions did not allow him to do otherwise. But Shvabrin valued himself and his life most of all, so he went over to the side of the enemy and betrayed everyone with whom he served. His life guidelines led him to a dead end: he became a coward and a deceiver. In both cases, metamorphoses are determined by the choice of moral and ethical principles.

Thus, a person changes once and for all when they decide on moral beliefs and life priorities. The laws by which he lives lead him to a certain result and adjust his character to suit them. It is this choice that shapes our mentality.

Essay No. 4

Each person chooses his personal truth of life - the ideology that drives him and determines his attitude towards the world and people. This decision changes the character, behavior and other personality traits, because the perception of everything that happens around depends on it. This pattern is confirmed by many examples from the literature.

For clarity, consider an example from the novel by F.M. Dostoevsky "Crime and Punishment". Rodion Raskolnikov was a kind, sympathetic and selfless person who spared no effort and last resort to help people, even strangers. Once he saved two children from a fire, risking their lives. No less significant is his act when he gave the policeman almost his last money so that he could see off and save the deceived girl, who was already being hunted by a dishonest man. Who would have thought that this noble young man with lofty ideals would kill two women and take their money? This is how his theory changed Rodion, marking a change in his personal ideology. If earlier Raskolnikov saw his purpose in helping people, now he justified killing them. To gain power, you need to step over the laws of the majority and control it. Of course, the hero wanted to use this power to ennoble society, that is, to scale up his good deeds, using his influence. But the harmful theory embittered him and forced him to commit a sin that no good undertakings could atone for. Rodion was able to heal his soul and restore peace only when he changed his views on the world. This suggests that it is the choice of the truth of life and one’s path that most significantly influences the personality.

We can draw the same conclusion when reading M. Gorky’s play “At the Depths”. Each hero, living in a shelter and suffering from poverty, has his own truth of life, which greatly influenced their characters and destinies. Thus, the wanderer Luke is kind and sympathetic, because he believes that what people need most is compassion. He prefers sweet lies to bitter truth, because there is already so much bad in the world. Satin, a sharper and drunkard, on the contrary, believes that “truth is the God of a free man.” He denies the need to lie to people for the sake of their peace of mind, so he is always brutally frank with those around him. Even to himself, he says the most unpleasant things without hesitation: he considers himself a “finished man,” because after hard labor there is “no progress.” Bubnov despaired and lost faith in anything. He believes that all people on earth are superfluous, everyone will die, so there is no need to worry too much about such trifles as the standard of living. The actor, in his own words, “drank away his soul”, lost his name, so his character corresponds to these words: he is apathetic, weak-willed, weak. All these examples suggest that choosing one’s own ideology changes a person.

Thus, people are greatly influenced by the choice of the truth of life and the path that corresponds to it. They change when they decide which worldview suits them best. Personal ideology is reflected in the character, behavior and relationship of the individual with the environment.

Essay No. 5

Every person is constantly faced with a choice. In some cases, the choice that a person has to make has a minor impact on his life, and in other cases, the choice made has a huge impact on the rest of his life. Each person faces his own life difficulties, which suggest that a person will choose a further path from at least two options. The choices a person makes can have both positive and negative impacts. The problem of choice, which changes a person, is raised in many works of fiction in Russian literature.

In the story by V.V. Bykov's "Sotnikov" shows the same situation in which two people find themselves: Sotnikov and Rybak. During the Great Patriotic War, two partisans are captured by the police. Both Sotnikov and Rybak find themselves in exactly the same situation, requiring them to make a choice: either cooperate with the police and remain alive, or sacrifice their lives so as not to share any military information with the enemy. These two choices, one of which means life and the other death, are completely opposite to each other; accordingly, the future of the captured partisans depends on the choice of these two options. Sotnikov understands that he is not ready to betray his Motherland, that he will not be able to live further, tormented by the thought that he betrayed his people and himself. Sotnikov courageously chooses death, depriving himself of the opportunity to live on. The fisherman chooses the opposite option: he shares the information necessary for the police, thereby saving his life. V.V. Bykov shows that the choice made by Rybak really changes his life: firstly, he saves his life, which he could have lost, like Sotnikov, and secondly, he independently dooms himself to constant thoughts that he has betrayed his Motherland and himself.

The problem of choice, which changes a person, is also raised in the story by A.P. Chekhov's "Ward No. 6". At the beginning of the story, Andrei Efimovich Ragin, being the head of the hospital, is a typical representative of society: despite the fact that he sees the reigning social injustices, he submits to the principles according to which the majority of people live, who are indifferent to injustices or commit them themselves. At first, Ragin is content with the life he has, but then he realizes its meaninglessness. The fact that Andrei Efimovich, being the head of the hospital, begins to communicate with Gromov, a patient in the ward for the mentally ill, changes both Ragin’s inner world and his further existence. Convinced of the depravity of society, which requires radical changes, Ragin turns from a typical man in the street into a person opposed to society. The choice made by Ragin in favor of abandoning an empty and insignificant existence also becomes the reason that Ragin is fired and imprisoned in ward No. 6, after which Ragin dies altogether.

Thus, in many cases, a person finds himself in a situation where he consciously or unconsciously makes a choice that radically changes his thinking or lifestyle.

See also on our website:

• Arguments for the direction “The Traveling Man: The Road in Human Life”

Where to start making changes

Any change begins with making a decision and setting goals necessary for a successful outcome.

You must know exactly why you need transformation and what specific results you want to achieve.

Your goals can be very different:

• Create a strong and loving family;
• To make friends;
• Become athletic and healthy;
• Build a career;
• Change your field of activity.

Each individual goal requires its own changes and is impossible to achieve without the development of certain qualities.

Make for yourself a clear plan for the changes you want to make in your character, appearance and habits. Break this plan down into smaller tasks that must be completed by a certain date. Changes must occur in a complex manner and, most likely, will require more than one year of hard work.

General information

If you are interested in the question “does a person change throughout life?”, then the answer is yes. First of all, this includes age-related changes in character. So, over time, a person gets rid of childhood qualities, such as irresponsibility, self-centeredness, capriciousness, acquiring as he grows up such traits as tolerance, reasonableness, responsibility and prudence. Undoubtedly, there are exceptions to the rules, for example, the infantilism of an adult man.

Despite the fact that at the end of childhood, most personalities have a formed character, it can undergo changes as they grow older.

1. First of all, there is no ideal character. Consequently, any individual may desire improvements, getting rid of negative traits, acquiring new, positive qualities.
2. As you grow older, you accumulate experience that leaves an imprint on your personality. As life experiences develop, a person’s point of view on current events changes, which also affects her way of thinking and lifestyle.
3. Faced with various life situations and circumstances, a person is forced to act in a new way, developing hitherto non-existent traits.
4. Changes in character are determined by the individual uniqueness of the individual. May be based on the development of professional or personal life.
5. A change in the position of an individual in society, a change in his social status also leaves a mark on a person’s fate.

Invite the person to describe their ideal solution to the problem.

Instead of asking why your opponent prefers option X over Y, it is better to find out how he thinks problem Z will be solved. This is the conclusion reached by PM Fernbach, T. Rogers, CR Fox, SA Sloman. Political Extremism Is Supported by an Illusion of Understanding / Psychological Science group of researchers in the USA.

They asked people to describe an ideal tax system. As participants began to reason, they realized the complexity of the problem and noticed gaps in their own knowledge.

Psychologist Adam Grant conducted a similar experiment. In The Science of Reasoning With Unreasonable People / The New York Times, he described how he tried to convince his friend to get vaccinated against COVID‑19.

Adam Grant

Instead of asking R. why he was against the vaccine, I asked how he could stop the pandemic. And it worked!

No: Why are you against using recycled plastic?

Yes: How do we, in your opinion, make production more environmentally friendly?

Is it possible to change a person for the better or is it impossible?

This will work for those people who themselves have these good traits. Let's give an unsuccessful example: a girl claims that her boyfriend is selfish and does not give her gifts, but she herself behaves in the same selfish and narcissistic way. In the opposite situation, the beloved does not make demands, but gives all of herself to the relationship. This behavior leads to the fact that the young man himself strives to surround such a girl with care.

You cannot ask your spouse to stop drinking beer in the evenings if you yourself do not lead a healthy lifestyle. You need to set a good example - that's the only thing that works.

Use Pascal's method

The point is to confirm that your interlocutor is right in some aspect with which you agree, and then point out problem areas in the judgment. This will give your opponent the impression that he was right from the start, but simply failed to consider all sides of the issue.

No: We will not spend money on this console.

Yes: I understand why you want to buy this console. It's awesome and much better than the one you have! I also understand that if we spend money on her, we will have to postpone the trip that we have been planning for so long.

What can you change in a person?

Household habits are the worst to adjust. They take years to develop and are often harmless. The person himself may not perceive them from a negative side, so he completely refuses to put the toothbrush in another place (put down the toilet seat, cover food with a lid in the microwave). It’s better to put up with such little things or wait for time.

But behavior and character are well adjusted. But only on condition that the owner of the qualities himself wants it. Help him, support him so that the changes go as smoothly and unnoticeably as possible, without stress. The best results are those that are achieved gradually.

Try not to use "but"

According to Susan Heitler. The Power of Two: Secrets to a Strong and Loving Marriage by clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, “but” is a sign of subtraction in conversation. It erases what was just said. Therefore, it is better to use other wording: “at the same time,” “also,” “at the same time.”

Susan Heitler

Clinical psychologist, author of books.

Try to notice every time you say the word “but.” If this happens often, perhaps you are not building a constructive dialogue, but are simply engaged in denial of what the other person is saying. So you will argue endlessly.

No: I understand that it is important for you to develop in another area. But now our company cannot satisfy your needs.

Yes: I understand that it is important for you to work on more complex and interesting problems. At the same time, I understand that our company cannot meet your needs right now.

Give specific examples

Psychologist Holly Weeks assures R. Knight, H. Weeks. Communicating with difficult people: When you refer to real situations or detail fictitious ones, this makes your reasoning more clear and accurate, and the interlocutor perceives information more easily.

Holly Weeks

Psychologist-consultant, author of books.

Clarity, a neutral tone, and restraint are the building blocks of all types of effective communication. "Clarity" means that the words must fulfill their immediate function. Avoid euphemisms, generalizations and vague phrases, and clearly and directly say what situation you mean. If a person understands the content of the message, it is easier for him to comprehend the information. And later it is easier to agree with you.

No: Our team's requests are, as always, ignored!

Yes: When we had to prepare a presentation last month on a tight deadline, we could have brought in an extra person to do some of the research, which would have saved us a day.

How to understand that it's time to improve your life

11 signs:

1. Sleep is the only thing that makes you happy and brings pleasure. A new day is like yesterday like 2 drops of water.
2. Emotions are turned off. In order not to feel negative ones, a person refuses positive ones. To live means to experience emotions; those who refuse them do not feel fully alive.
3. An acute lack of happiness forces you to look back at the things of others, and envy becomes a constant companion.
4. Living in the present is difficult and uninteresting. It is better to remember the past or dream about the future.
5. There is the same chaos in the house as in the soul. There is neither the strength nor the desire to restore order or change anything.
6. Since life is boring, you can stop caring about your appearance and health. It is convenient to use the excuse that the husband (wife) and children require so much attention that there is not enough time for themselves.
7. Everything seems to be fine, but the anxiety does not go away. If suddenly a loved one does not answer the call, it quickly turns into panic.
8. There is not enough strength to solve important issues, so a lot of problems accumulate.
9. There is no desire to force yourself to change, to learn something new: read, watch films, attend different events. There is no meaning or goals. If a person stops developing, he begins to degrade.
10. People around you, work, your beloved family only interfere and irritate you; any little thing can throw you off balance, provoke tears or severe fear.
11. Bad or dangerous habits may develop. To feel at least something, a person deliberately puts his life in danger. For example, he begins to get interested in riding a motorcycle, the technical characteristics of which allow him to move at exorbitant speeds.

If most of these symptoms are firmly established in your life, then it’s time to find out how to completely transform yourself.

Can a person change for the sake of a loved one?

Yes, sure. Usually in the first year of a relationship, after a period of falling in love, the grinding-in stage begins. On it you pay attention to shortcomings, your first quarrels occur. Conflicts are mostly not serious, because lovers, if this is a truly adult and conscious relationship, try to please their other half. This happens unobtrusively - everyday habits, preferences for food or music change.

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The second stage of change coincides with the period when the couple begins to live together. This is a time when communication becomes almost constant, so disagreements may occur more often. Usually the changes here are more conscious—compromises. If lovers go through this period successfully, we can talk about budding love.

In an already married couple, problems due to bad character or habits are much less common. But they change them with the help of a heart-to-heart conversation, as well as through gentle gradual influence.

The main problem of those women who believe that their lover has not changed is that very early, almost immediately after meeting, they begin to demand, not wanting to adapt to him on their own. But real grinding is based on mutual compromises.

The second problem is that people get along too quickly and start living together. Sometimes it's premature.

Therapy for personality disorders

Depending on the type of disorder, the degree of suffering of the person who has these changes, the ability or inability to control the impulses generated by this disorder, as well as the level of personality, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and sexologists treat this pathology. In the mildest cases, psychologists work with such people. Therapy for personality disorders requires long-term and painstaking psychological work. Progress in drug treatment for personality disorders is inconsistent and often questionable. If we set the task of working with personality traits and reactions that burden the patient, then psychological work, in general, can achieve more impressive results than drug assistance.

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All materials on the site are presented for informational purposes only, approved by certified physician Mikhail Vasiliev, diploma series 064834, in accordance with license No. LO-77-005297 dated September 17, 2012, by a certified specialist in the field of psychiatry, certificate number 0177241425770.