Grown-up children bring parents a sea of new discoveries and experiences. My son goes on dates! What to do? - a subtle question. Or the daughter is still waiting for love and is sad. Whatever one may say - nothing but excitement. We invite you to understand the topic of teenage love together: what to say, what to keep silent about, and where to lay down the straws.
Surely you have not forgotten your first love - so pure and bright that it seemed: this love is forever! And the chosen one or chosen one was in your eyes the most ideal people in the world. Or remember those eternal questions and doubts: what did he say? how did she look? Longing for love, anticipation and anticipation of love is an important part of the life of your big child.
“The time has come - she fell in love”
For a baby, the most important thing is to be with his mother, for a preschooler it is to play, and in adolescence it is very important to communicate with friends and acquaintances. During adolescence, a child is preparing to go out into the big world, and he hones his communication skills with his peers: the ability to defend himself, establish contact, achieve his goal, win over the person he likes. And this is a very valuable experience.
Another factor: hormonal changes are in full swing in the child’s body. The voice breaks, a mustache grows, breasts, nose and everything else grow, menstruation and wet dreams begin - in general, nature takes its toll. All this makes it very difficult to study, help mom with housework, and be an easy-going son or daughter. Biological potential is asking to come out, and teenagers, willy-nilly, begin to look closely at the opposite sex. It is not surprising that it is at this time that they encounter their first love.
Many girls and boys are simply overwhelmed by the anticipation of love. They don’t know with whom, when or how, but they are waiting for this great feeling that will illuminate their life. So first love is inevitable and necessary. It’s as if she opens a dam of passions and brings young people into the world of adult experiences that they have to master. And if a teenager does not fall in love, does not suffer from unrequited love and does not worry about its complete absence, then the big question is whether this is good. After all, it is better to “unpack and install” feelings that are important for life at a young age, when a person is hot, resilient and capable of much.
What is first love?
First love is a unique stage in personality development, which helps to form the ability to accept another. A common reason for the end of the first strong feeling is precisely the intensity of passions. In such a state, a person notices only his own new emotions, and does not love another; he rather loves his own emerging state, attitude, love itself. The object of love is not much noticed, only one’s own need for it is felt. Going through the experience of falling in love for the first time teaches you to notice and care about another person, express your feelings in the most acceptable form, show attention and the ability to build contact, dialogue, and spending time together.
First love leaves an imprint on what partners a person will choose in the future, and what scenarios he will adhere to when building a relationship. If the experience was painful, but it was not possible to draw constructive conclusions and appropriate the experience gained, then there is a high probability that a person will transfer this unlived experience into his future life (choose similar partners, continue to make the same mistakes). Such actions are unconscious in nature and are aimed at resolving a situation in the past, trying to recreate it until the desired positive result appears.
Any situation tends to end, and it is better to return to unlived feelings, see what this person and the experience of the past teach you, in order to have more power over your own emotional life in the future. It is unspoken words of love or an unlived breakup that can push you back into the arms of a person who has simply used or has changed significantly over time, but these changes will not allow you to see the image of him frozen in your perception.
Boys: catch up and fall in love
Boys in matters of love behave seemingly strange and illogical. Attraction is often expressed in them in a crude form - especially at the tender age of 12-14 years. The fact is that at first they themselves do not understand what is happening to them and where to put these feelings.
Out of ignorance and inability to express his attitude, out of fear of looking funny, a boy can pinch and push the girl he likes, call her names or ask a lot of stupid questions, and lock her in the school toilet. In front of the girl, the boy behaves defiantly, trying to look like a hero. He can look at the girl for a long time, come very close, violating boundaries, and accidentally touch her.
Show more feelings
Well, one last piece of advice that can be given to people who want to build relationships in their teenage years. As a rule, most teenagers try to find a life partner just to feel loved. However, if a person does not show enough feelings, then this may lead to the idea that they simply do not exist. Therefore, even if it’s unusual for you to talk about love or walk holding hands, it’s worth overcoming your complexes in order to avoid parting with your soulmate.
We hope you now better understand why first love is the strongest. Moreover, we also wholeheartedly believe that these tips will help you build a strong relationship with your significant other and live happily for many years to come. If you feel that this person is destined for you, be sure to hold on to him. Otherwise, you will have to “sort through” partners for a long time in search of someone who is at least a little like your first love.
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Girls: turn up your nose and pretend
Girls, as a rule, understand everything perfectly. They seem to know in advance: if a boy stares sternly at her, takes away her bag and runs away laughing, it’s a no brainer that he’s fallen in love. And girls, to whom boys do not pay attention even in such a rude manner, feel deprived and offended. Often they try to draw attention to themselves and provoke the guys to respond.
Here's another paradox: a girl who is being pestered by a young suitor demonstrates her attention - by ignoring her! Turning her back to him, she shows that she understands everything, strengthens his feelings and gives him hope for the continuation of this strange game. But at the same time, he avoids communication, because none of the children is yet clear how to behave and what to talk about in a situation of falling in love.
Sometimes girls are not inferior to boys in active attempts to please. They laugh loudly next to the boy and demonstrate their fighting nature; they can tease and tease the boy, especially when teaming up with their friends. More timid girls try to attract attention with a mysterious appearance, a new hairstyle or clothes, as if by chance they find themselves nearby during extracurricular activities.
If your first love is over, how do you get over it?
If the relationship is over, there is no need to continue to clone it in other situations and with other people. Analyze everything that happened to you, draw conclusions, find the positives. Otherwise, unlived experience, incorrect work with emotions, phobias - all this will be repeated in your life until you complete the chapter called “First Love”. You will meet the same partners and continue to solve the same unsolvable problems.
Before ending a relationship, talk to your partner as openly as possible and talk about your emotions. You will remember everything unspoken and unexperienced for many years to come and return to these thoughts not at the most successful moments in life. For example, when girls' relationships don't work out, they often think about their first love. In fact, these emotions were so vivid because they became new to you specifically at that period of your life.
Going into depression after such a relationship is not the best solution. You involuntarily admit that love is pain, and it cannot be any other way. Afterwards, there are two options for the development of events: you begin to control everything and everyone (so as not to experience pain anymore) or avoid relationships.
Exploring feelings at a tender age
In early adolescence, 11-13 years old, children rarely express their sympathies. They are still very poorly aware of their feelings and cannot overcome their stiffness. And they are also afraid to confront the ridicule of their friends. Therefore, communication during this period often becomes same-sex: boys with boys, girls with girls.
Older teenagers 14-16 years old communicate with each other more openly. They already understand their emotions better and know that they can get attention without being rude or pinched or laughing loudly for the whole school to hear. At this age, real research into relationships begins: how to approach a person, what to talk about, how not to be boring or intrusive. What will help me please and get to know a person better? How to look after and accept advances? When is it time to kiss? Is my lover really imperfect? How to survive this?! This is a very important experience and should be welcomed.
Idealization of a man as a mistake of a naive woman. First love as an illusion of happiness.
Everything happens for the first time. And the first crush, and the first love, and the first man. A flood of feelings overtakes us at that tender age when the soul is still naive and pure. The flair of romance turns off the instinct of self-preservation, the ability to objectively perceive both the object of love itself and everything connected with it.
First love is rarely happy, but the intensity of passions surpasses all subsequent hobbies. Hearts that broke at this time, we, at the very least, piece by piece, but the glued heart loses its sonority and purity of sound in the future.
When young women and older ladies ask for help, I ask the standard question: “Didn’t you hear the warning bells? Was it really necessary to let the situation get so bad that you have to pick yourself up piece by piece?”
“There were, of course,” they answer, alarming moments, but everything seemed that the relationship was harmonizing, I will redo it.” These thoughts led to the fact that women preferred to turn a blind eye to obvious errors, mistaking patterns for chance.
Many people know the phenomenon of imprinting, which consists in very quickly learning certain vital actions. Imprinting can occur during certain critical periods of development.
As Alexander Sergeevich wrote about Tatyana Larina: “The time has come, she fell in love!” A popular illustration of imprinting is that newly hatched ducklings follow the first moving object. As a result, they may ignore their mother if, ironically, they were the first to see a rolling ball or a running dog. This reaction itself is innate, but during the first hours after hatching, young birds must “imprint” the appearance of their mother. If during this period the ducklings do not see the duck, then later they will be afraid of it. Moreover, a duckling that has not encountered an object suitable for imprinting during the corresponding period will have a sharply disrupted behavior in the future: it will avoid contact with all living beings.
In the human world, imprinting is a mechanism not only for biological survival, but also for the assimilation of images, behavioral scenarios, feelings, and reasoning perceived at a certain critical moment in development.
In moments of so-called imprinting vulnerability, the girl is in a state of special sensitivity to male images associated with scenarios of love behavior embedded in the genetic memory of the female line of the family.
Each of us can be in a period of vulnerability of the special sensitivity of the psyche to the influence of a certain set of visual, auditory, olfactory, tactile stimuli, and behavioral scenarios. As a result, there is an automatic, unconscious connection between the internal attitudes of the betrothed mummer and the real man.
In this sense, the meeting of lovers is fate, rock, fortune!
Under the influence of hormonal storms, the connection and imprinting can be so strong that the girl loses not only the objectivity of perception, but also control over herself, following the voice of the heart in a romantic interpretation, but in most cases the call of instinct, which ensures procreation at the biological level with a certain set of physical and psychological characteristics.
In this sense, falling in love for the first time is a manifestation of the instinct of procreation.
This is the time when Eros reigns supreme in the girl’s unconscious. And as the Arabic proverb says, “Only first love is true.” And there is certainly some truth in this statement.
First love can be considered as a time of undivided reign of erotic energies that have not yet encountered destructive, aggressive ones. Aggressive energy is necessary to overcome the fear of physical intimacy between a boy and a girl who are about to become a man and a woman.
Girls need the courage to give in to the inevitability of penetration into the bosom of the phallus. A young man needs courage, coupled with enough aggression to conquer, seduce and penetrate.
First love is usually fleeting, but it can be so strong that the memory of it will determine the choice of a partner for many years. Even if, under the influence of circumstances, these first relationships are destroyed, they will leave a deep mark.
One of my clients, at the age of 16, fell in love with a classmate. There was no sex. After school, the young man was drafted into the army, where he died tragically. But love remained and did not let the girl go. And a few years later it seemed to her that she met her lover on the tram. It was an ordinary passenger, who vaguely resembled the deceased young man. But the girl was sure it was him. Memory can play a cruel joke. Spellbound, without taking her loving gaze away, she looked at the ordinary passenger, who understood the girl’s condition and did not miss the chance to take advantage of the situation. At the third stop, he took me by the hand, led me off the tram, took me to a nearby park and did what I did. The girl came to her senses in every sense, alone, on the grass, in soiled underwear.
It often happens that the search for a sexual partner by an adult, completely independent person, is based on a subconscious desire to recreate some of the key features of the first sexual experience. The unsuccessful result of such searches may turn out to be a hidden factor contributing to the destruction of a seemingly successful marriage.
Imprinting may be one of the causes of sexual development disorders, fetishism.
The first love in this sense is the filling with emotional and sensory content of the evolutionarily determined imprinting mechanism, which realizes the instinct of procreation.
Imprinting “turns off” our heads, thereby turning off the fear of physical intimacy, defloration, ensuring procreation at the biological level.
Imprinting can explain blindness, the loss of objectivity in the perception of the chosen one.
Another reason that determines vulnerability at this time is the ancestral programs imprinted in the personal and family unconscious.
Everyone is well aware of the fact that the daughters of alcoholics marry men who have certain types of addictions.
In first love, and sometimes in subsequent relationships, a woman unconsciously seeks to compensate for the lack of parental love, usually paternal love. Or she reconstructs the relationship with the “bad” mother, preferring toxic men, for the same reason. She chooses her mother’s psychological double in the person of a man in order to finally receive her love.
The Eastern proverb “Only first love is true” implies freedom from the rational search for profit and following the voice of the heart.
The process of feeling generation has the same properties as the imprinting process. There is a sensual period in it (youth), when a person falls in love most often. It is relatively short, but its consequences are felt for a long time compared to the time of the feeling itself, and this process can take place in the depths of the soul throughout one’s life.
The influence of a first love that never came true is well illustrated in Vladimir Nabokov's novel Lolita.
The work is based on the story of teenagers' unrealized first love. The main character, forty-year-old Humbert, is attracted to young girls of a special appearance and character. He sees the root of this unhealthy passion in his childhood crush on a girl named Annabelle Lee, whom he met at a resort at the age of thirteen. The vigilant governesses did not leave them alone. Then they parted ways. Soon after the separation, Annabelle died. Despite the fact that the teenagers experienced a very strong attraction to each other, they failed to close the gestalt and achieve physical intimacy due to the vigilant control of the governesses. After parting, the teenagers in love wrote letters to each other. A kind of telepathic connection formed between them.
Having matured, Humbert continues to dream of a relationship with a “nymphet”, but does not dare to fulfill his dreams for fear of the law; he has to make do with the services of young prostitutes, and subsequently he marries a younger, girl-like woman. Soon his marriage falls apart, and, having improved his mental health in a sanatorium, Humbert goes to a small town to continue his studies in literature in peace and quiet. He rents a room from a thirty-five-year-old widow named Charlotte Haze, who is raising a twelve-year-old daughter, Dolores. Humbert is shocked by Dolores' resemblance to the deceased Annabelle and decides to stay in the house.
In Lolita, Humbert saw his first love, realizing his teenage desire as a forty-year-old man.
Gestalt closed, but the participants in the drama - mother and daughter - passed away. Humbert has lost his only love.
The statement “love is blind” is explained from the standpoint of animal psychology by the special sensitivity of the psyche in adolescence to a set of genetically encoded stimuli and reactions of a woman to a man. The imprinting mechanism, triggered by hormonal storms, leads to us falling in love with men, reproducing the mistakes of our parents with mathematical precision.
Cupid's arrows, i.e. imprinting, choose a target according to the characteristics of generic programs accumulated in previous generations and parental behavior scenarios.
Children often do not notice the destructiveness of parental behavior; the unconscious prefers not to see what the child’s psyche cannot cope with. This childhood blindness already in adolescence leads to the idealization of the chosen one. A girl on autopilot does not see what she did not notice in her parents. But sometimes you have to pay for the mistakes made during this period throughout your life.
Actually, this is the rake on which we can dance endlessly, collapsing and rebuilding in relationships. Until a brilliant thought strikes us that the problem may not be in the canned food, but in the conservatory, i.e. not in men, but in the characteristics of the soul that attracts or chooses men of a certain psychotype.
Looking over the stories of unsuccessful first love in my memory, I decided to stop at two. In both cases, it is obvious that more experienced men are exploiting the naivety of young girls. But in the first story, the girl met a personally immature mama’s boy. In the second, Don Juan consciously uses the feelings of a girl inexperienced in love.
Case 1.
Vera, a nineteen-year-old university student, asked for help because she could not get out of a relationship that was burdening her. Instead of ardent love, there is boredom, guilt and dull irritation. How long can this all continue? Tired of it. The man obviously did not understand that the old feelings did not exist and could not exist.
When she met Alexei, she was fifteen and he was twenty-seven. We met in a club for fans of a famous Western rock band. Alexey quickly turned the naive schoolgirl’s head with poems and songs, and soon something happened that usually happens between a man and a woman, although from the point of view of the law it is classified as seduction of a minor
For Vera, who had not known her father since early childhood, everything that happened seemed like a fairy tale come true. First sex is like a shock. The attention of an adult man, who did not particularly spoil her with excesses, even during the candy-bouquet period, was enough to maintain the fire of passion.
The girl’s mother, who returned from a business trip one day, understood everything and began urgently looking for a man with an apartment so that her daughter could arrange personal happiness. It should be noted that the apartment in which mother and daughter lived was purchased with a mortgage, and at the time the “groom” moved in, the bank loan was still being paid off. Although my mother could barely make ends meet, she nevertheless did not ask for money either for utility costs, housekeeping, or to cover the loan, she got out as best she could. Moreover, she went to live with a man with an apartment, without feeling the slightest affection for him.
She sacrificed herself for the personal happiness of her daughter, before whom she felt a colossal sense of guilt. Unsettled personal life, did not save a family for the child, no savings for old age, only debts. The daughter and mother, raised on the great Russian literature, felt awkward in indicating the need to pay money for accommodation and food, preferring to be above commercialism, including because of the pseudo-pride of “conditionally” poor people.
In a word, provincial Alexei enjoyed all the benefits, including the charms of a young girl, absolutely free of charge, i.e. for nothing. Although, perhaps I am not entirely objective. The man compensated for everything in hard currency - in poetry and songs. The evenings were brightened up with songs accompanied by a guitar.
Alexey, being on a stable salary and a good position, as they say, didn’t give a damn. He pretended or he really didn’t understand. Vera and her mother delicately waited, and suddenly their conscience would awaken, and even in such volumes that they would not have to think about their daily bread.
Vera graduated from school with a gold medal and easily entered the university. Sometimes there was no money for travel, Alexey did not think about whether the girl he loved had money for the metro and breakfast.
And at the university, a teacher fell in love with Vera. Against the background of which, Alexey looked not only faded, but in general nothing at all in every sense.
Alexey continued to live in Vera’s apartment, and she, being a well-bred girl, could not point to the door. She just went to live with the professor, leaving the “groom” the keys to her own apartment. The young man remained to live in the apartment, while Vera’s mother continued to pay loans and utility bills from the sales manager’s salary on interest, living in someone else’s apartment for someone else’s man.
Mother and daughter spared the pride of Alexei, who absolutely sincerely believed, as is typical of any narcissist who left his mother for the capital, that he should get everything for free, solely for his outstanding merits and incomparable charms.
At some point, it dawned on him that Vera would not return, and he needed to leave the three-room apartment of the young girl, who had recklessly given away everything that belonged to her for free use. A harsh reality loomed before the young man in the form of a “killed” rented apartment in the middle of nowhere, for which he had to pay a third of his salary; oddly enough, a magic pot and a self-assembled tablecloth were not included in the package.
And Vera, from an angular girl, for whom songs with a guitar performed by a home-grown bard and missionary sex were the ultimate dream, turned into a fatal beauty, whom the men she met looked at.
When Alexey, who had so successfully solved problems with the help of a young girl, objectively assessed the scale of the losses, he instantly saw the light. I had an insight: living at the expense of women is not good. The middle manager began to repent, beating his chest, probably trying to knock greed with all its guts out of his soul. It turned out that he was simply obeying his mother, who strictly ordered him not to marry a Muscovite student and not to give her mother money.
The story illustrates in the best possible way the proverb “for lack of fish, there is cancer,” as well as the popular belief that love is blind.
Having gained experience, Vera recalled her first love with irony. But the aftertaste and frustration remained. Fortunately, the professor, unlike his young rival, was not stingy, and did a lot for the professional development and career of his chosen one.
But Alexey did not want to miss out on his luck. He continued to cling to his former beloved, promised to correct mistakes, i.e. give money. He offered to formalize the relationship and go on a honeymoon to Italy. The professor, of course, provided patronage, but due to the difference in age, he had no intention of getting married.
Vera could not make a final choice between the professor and Alexei. At the age of 19, it seemed to her that a white light had come together like a wedge on these two men. And then only old age, loneliness, poverty, oblivion, if not married to Alexei or kept by the professor.
A half-starved childhood and the absence of a man in the house, of course, determined uncertainty about the future. Before my eyes was the example of a mother who was barely making ends meet, over whom a ten-year mortgage hung like a sword of Damocles.
For these reasons, too, it was difficult for the girl to show determination and coolness, to clearly say to her ex-man: “Thanks, no. Sorry, no". Vera is quite tired of Alexey, his greed, and the long hand of her mother from Perm, thanks to whose sensitive guidance the relationship fell apart.
I had to figure it out for several months before I realized that in both cases the feelings were dictated by a subconscious desire to receive the love of the father, and this childhood feeling became an obstacle to the development of femininity. The professor and Alexey, as two opposites, reflected the problems of a girl who did not know the care of her father and received a parent capable of satisfying all her desires. Vera had the chance, with the wave of a magic wand, to jump over several stages of development, without making much effort, to credit for youth and beauty, to enter the world of mature, accomplished people.
But any evolutionary leap in development has its pros and cons.
Having connected her life with a man old enough to be a father, a young woman risks remaining in the role of an infantile girl, without living the fullness and breadth of her destiny.
Vera said decisively: “No!” Alexey, having considered that it is impossible to enter the same river twice, having conquered the fear of not surviving this life without a man.
Spring love aggravation
At school age, falling in love is a massive, rapidly spreading phenomenon. Especially often the wave of love rises in the spring. If a boy and a girl appear in the class, seriously passionate about each other, then you will soon find that there are more and more couples in love.
This happens not so much because the time has come and feelings have awakened. This is just how you can rise in the eyes of your classmates (and in your own eyes), feel more significant, and catch the envious glances of girlfriends or boyfriends who have not yet had this. But this usually has little relation to real love experiences.
Try to make concessions
How can you best characterize adolescence? That's right, with a worldview, as if you know everything in the world better than anyone else. However, every adult understands that sometimes you need to make concessions. Even if your partner is wrong, it is important to do this. Such actions strengthen trust between people and also help to find compromise in the future.
But what happens if both young men defend their position to the end? As a rule, mutual distrust will arise first: “If he goes against me in an argument, then soon I will have to learn what betrayal is.” However, simply taking the side of your lover is enough for the relationship between people to noticeably strengthen.
Teenage love in psychology
The peculiarities of love at this age arise from a banal lack of experience. The teenager simply does not yet know how to react to certain situations, how to express himself correctly and let go. All this is reinforced by the play of hormones; feelings at this age are the most vivid; it is not for nothing that first love is often called the strongest. Sometimes it is so difficult to deal with the pain of separation that it can lead to a sad ending. To avoid a critical situation, it is necessary to understand the basic concepts.
At the moment of personality formation, the worst thing a child can face is prohibitions and misunderstanding from both parents and peers. It is extremely important to build trusting relationships so that sudden difficulties do not come as a surprise to you. It is possible to overcome any problems, but this requires full dedication and constant work on yourself, the teenager and the situation as a whole.
Have you ever truly loved as a teenager?
Was there love - who can tell? Maybe affection. Hormones, there... I don’t know.
25%
Seems to be yes. It seems that that love was real.
50%
No, what kind of love can there be? First you need to have brains.
25%
Yes. I'm still in a relationship with my teenage crush.
0%
Voted: 4
FAQ
We have collected the most popular questions asked by both parents and teenagers themselves. Answering them will help you clear up misunderstandings:
At what age does first love appear?
Most often, the first serious love occurs during puberty, but there are no clear and specific frameworks, in fact there are no restrictions. Each case is individual.
What is the difference between falling in love and friendship?
In friendship, unlike falling in love, there is no passion. There is no desire to constantly be near a person, to occupy all your free time with them.
What should parents do if their studies suffer because they are in love?
The best way is, of course, live dialogue. There are no unsolvable problems; studies suffer due to the fact that the teenager is completely absorbed in his feelings and dissolves in the person. It is necessary to have a heart-to-heart talk, to explain without pressure that studying is extremely important, the whole future life depends on it. And if everything goes well with your studies, then the relationship will definitely work out.
How long does teenage love last?
Experts have compiled statistics: on average, teenage love lasts about 12-17 months. Then everything gradually fades away.
How long does love last after separation?
Always after separation, feelings play inside for a long time, not allowing you to forget the person and live a calm life. All experienced emotions and pleasant moments remain in the brain for a long time. Psychologists say that love “lives” for about half the life of a relationship, even after it ends.
Why do they say that love lasts 3 years?
At the end of the nineties of the last century, the cult writer Frederic Beigbeder wrote the novel “Love Lives for Three Years.” According to the work, all our internal sensations depend on certain neurotransmitters responsible for the feeling of falling in love. First, the most striking stage in a relationship comes - passion. Then it gives way to tenderness, and in the end disappointment and rejection sets in. According to the novel, all this takes three years. It was from the work that the idea that love lasts only so long spread to the masses.
What is a serious relationship for teenagers?
Serious relationships among teenagers begin when young people seriously begin to plan their future lives. The candy-bouquet period ends, thoughts appear about how to live further, what to do with all this love. Of course, at this age the concept of a serious relationship is different from what is commonly understood by older people, but certain similarities can be traced.
"All this time"
Mickey Daughtry, Rachel Lippincott
Eksmo Publishing House, 2020
A Young Adult bestseller, in which the experience of first love is closely intertwined with the difficult, sometimes even painful experience of growing up. The main characters are full of hope for the future - Kyle's sixth anniversary of his relationship with Kim, but suddenly death comes between them. Kyle blames himself for everything until he meets Marley, who also lost a loved one. And in mutual despair, the heroes hope to find solace and love.
Advice from psychologists and practical recommendations
I can’t forget my first love: what should I do? So, as we found out, it is very difficult to forget your first love, but you still need to try to do it. Experts in the field of psychology give the following recommendations in this matter:
- Stop communication. How can you ever forget about something if you're still in touch? You need to follow your own paths and not cling to the past. So, if possible, stop any contact with your first love. If this cannot be avoided, try to at least limit them as much as possible.
- Accept your breakup. Perhaps you still have somewhere in the depths of your soul the hope that you will be together and everything will be as before. But the more you think about it and build such illusions, the more difficult it will be for you. Therefore, it is important to accept that this relationship is over, it cannot be returned and it is time to move on.
- Stop talking about your past partner. If you remember him in any conversation, then how can you forget? Therefore, you should watch your words, each time it will become easier and easier.
- Remember why you broke up. If you just can’t get over the distance and keep thinking about your first love, then a good way to get rid of these shackles will be the reason for the end of your relationship. You can also remember what annoyed you about your partner, because of which you fought. You cannot forget about your love just because you remember the good things and idealize those feelings. But there were certainly conflicts, there was something we didn’t like. Try to concentrate on this.
- Stop making excuses for your partner. Perhaps the reason for the separation was betrayal or even betrayal on the part of your lover. And now you cannot forget about him, because you begin to justify his action. You start to think that you can close your eyes to this. Stop doing this! Think objectively, if he was able to do this once, then it will happen again.
- You have a chance for a happy relationship. Stop thinking that you will never meet such a person again and you will not be as comfortable with anyone.
- Take a break. Yes, at first you will often think about your past relationships. But if you constantly lie under the covers and think about how good things used to be, you will dig deeper and deeper into depressive thoughts. Try to somehow occupy yourself, get out of the house. It might even be worth going somewhere for a couple of weeks so that it reminds you of your former relationship as little as possible.
- Ask for help. Yes, sometimes it's good to be alone with your thoughts. But if you just can’t let go of the situation, then you should seek help. Parents and friends will definitely respond to your call and help you take a new path. If you understand that everything has gone too far, then do not be afraid and do not hesitate to contact a psychologist!
- Stop surveillance. There is no need to monitor your partner’s social networks or ask mutual friends about his every move. If possible, block your ex everywhere, and ask your friends to try not to mention him.
- Stay true to yourself. You may start to pretend that everything is fine and nothing is bothering you, but inside you will worry. Therefore, first it is better to turn to a loved one and talk it out. Then gradually return to your normal life.
- Use the breakup to your advantage. Instead of being sad, think better about what advantages have appeared and what opportunities have opened up for you. Now you can finally do what you have been planning for a long time. Maybe you wanted to learn something? Or try something new? Now is the best time for this. Moreover, you now have much more free time, so devote it to yourself!
- Get up off the couch already. How long can you lie down, listen to sad music and look through photos together? If you don’t want to get depressed, then you should pull yourself together. Turn on fun and energetic music, watch a motivational movie, go to the gym, go for a walk around the city, meet with friends.
- Switch to the positive. Try to do everything that will please you and make you feel more confident. Update your wardrobe, change your haircut, treat yourself to a major purchase. Go to a restaurant and have a delicious meal, sign up for courses to improve your self-esteem. Everything that brings pleasant emotions will definitely help you forget your first love.
Sources
- https://juicyworld.org/1-love/
- https://domashniy.ru/lubov-i-otnosheniya/pervaya_lyubov_chuvstva_kotorye_nikogda_ne_zabudutsya_re15/
- https://otveta.com/pervaja-ljubov-v-psihologii.html
- https://onelove.su/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov/
- https://knife.media/dangerous-first-love/
- https://psyholic.ru/otnosheniya-polov/kak-zabyt-pervuyu-lyubov.html
How to understand that a teenager has fallen in love?
Falling in love is hard to hide, because strong feelings inspire you and give you an inexhaustible supply of strength and energy. A person in love is knee-deep in the sea, everything around him makes him happy, and failures and difficulties do not frighten him, they only strengthen his spirit. Here are the main factors by which you can understand that a teenager is falling in love:
- He is rarely at home, preferring frequent walks. He may answer vaguely when asked by his parents about who he went for a walk with;
- Constant presence on social networks. Does your child never let go of his phone, is always texting someone, and seems to be in the clouds? This could be a sure sign that he has someone;
- Have your son or daughter started asking for pocket money more often, although they don’t buy anything new for themselves or spend more on entertainment than usual? Most likely, a soulmate has appeared, on whom most of the funds are spent. It’s better not to refuse money, but also not to be too led by your child: explain that money is earned through hard work, but is sometimes spent in an instant.
If one or more points match, the teenager is most likely in love, and it is advisable to talk to him about it in the near future.
