Contempt: what is it, why is it dangerous and what is hidden behind it

Contempt is a feeling of dislike and superiority (usually moral) towards another person, group of people and/or their actions. This is the least studied emotion, and therefore some experts suggest not classifying it as a basic emotion and do not even identify contempt as a separate feeling. Which is not surprising: Dr. Paul Ekman's original list of universal emotions, compiled during his pioneering research in New Guinea in the 1960s, did exclude contempt. And yet, later, after extensive cross-cultural research, Ekman added it to the list. As part of a series of materials about basic emotions, we understand feelings - and end with the seventh, last and most status emotion.

In words, contempt can be expressed approximately as follows: “I am better than you, and you are in certain aspects (or completely) worse than me
. The most common trigger for this emotion is the immoral action of a person or group of people over whom you feel superior. Although contempt is still a distinct emotion, it is often accompanied by anger, usually in a mild form such as irritation. Often, contempt is associated with certain stereotypes or prejudices: for example, people may feel contempt for politicians (for hypocrisy), the unemployed (for laziness), criminals (for being ruthless), or uneducated people (for ignorance).

The function of contempt is to assert power and status, and to signal superiority and the lack of need to agree or fight.

Consequently, those who are insecure about their status are more likely to show contempt as a way of asserting their superiority. That is, sometimes people in “subordinate” positions and roles may feel contempt for those who have a higher social, political or legal status. Here are just a few examples: teenagers may feel contempt for adults, workers for their bosses, prisoners for their guards. While "bottom-up contempt" is common, the reverse of course also occurs - where someone with a higher life "rating" may feel contempt for those with a lower one. This feeling of power and superiority is called “downward contempt” and can be both pleasant and cause embarrassment and/or shame.

As with all emotions, the degree of contempt varies. Because contempt is inherently associated with a socially constructed ladder in which some people are higher and others lower, the degree to which people experience contempt depends on how strongly they believe in this classification. People who truly believe that everyone is equal are less likely to feel contempt for others. However, most social structures have some sort of hierarchical classification because it helps to reward people who exhibit praiseworthy behavior and to punish those who behave badly or inappropriately.

Reasons for contempt

Why do some people despise others? Because they are afraid (no matter how strange it may sound, given one of the meanings of the word). In the person they despise, they see something similar to themselves, or something they have already overcome but are afraid to return to, or something they have not encountered but are very afraid to face. For example, some people who have lost weight begin to hate those who are fat. Why? Because they are afraid to become like that again. Why do rich people despise poor people? Because they themselves are afraid of losing their status, their fortune. Why does someone despise others for being lazy? Because he subconsciously understands that this lives in him too.

What contempt really is, or what is hidden behind it:

• fear of becoming the same person who is despised;
• internal prohibitions (a person despises those who do not forbid themselves to do what they want);
• self-contempt, self-resentment;
• non-acceptance of oneself and dislike for oneself;
• arrogance, self-superiority, pride, selfishness and egocentrism;
• narcissism and psychopathy (this is a clinical case, you need to go to a psychiatrist with this problem).

The reasons for a contemptuous attitude are always inherent in the one who despises. As a rule, these are people with low self-esteem, complexes and internal contradictions. They are used to feeling unwanted and defending themselves. We chose the tactic “the best defense is an attack.”

Contempt is a trait of an immature personality. This is a childish reaction. Children first master it at the age of 4–7 years, and it finds its maximum expression in adolescence. As a person matures, contempt disappears from a person’s life. But if growing up has not occurred, then the primitive reaction of the opposition remains. Indignation, living on emotions, inability to think rationally and control oneself, inability to express oneself, to earn respect and recognition, inability to understand oneself and others - this forces teenagers to take an oppositional position. What motivates adults? The same.

What is Bitch Face Syndrome?

In 2013, a two-minute video of Bitchy Resting Face appeared on YouTube.
The video instantly became popular, receiving almost eight million views and three thousand comments. The heroines of the video raise the problem of the “bitchy face” and tell how it ruins their lives. “I don’t want to hit you,” says one of the victims of the syndrome. “It’s just my face.” This problem existed before, but after the video they started talking about it seriously. The essence of the syndrome is that the face of its owner in a relaxed state looks angry and unfriendly, although the person does not actually experience these emotions. Due to certain features of appearance, facial expressions can express dissatisfaction, contempt and anger, as well as ridicule, irritation or sadness.

People with Bitchface Syndrome come across as snobby, a serial killer, or an angry high school math girl.

As a result, strangers often make a premature conclusion that it is better not to approach this person, and friends pester over and over again with the question: “Are you okay?” The most famous victims of the syndrome are Anna Kendrick, Kristen Stewart, Victoria Beckham, Queen Elizabeth and Kanye West.

Where does contempt come from?

Initially, the emotion of contempt was an archaic defense against anxiety, a mask for the fear generated by the difference of other people. For example, before a fight, a man inspired himself “I am better than the enemy,” and during the battle he showed more courage. Thus, contempt was intended (perhaps) as a motivating emotion that was supposed to give more self-confidence.

Like most evaluative emotions, contempt is learned between the ages of 4 and 7 years. The learned emotion is used in status games to elevate oneself and humiliate others. Later, a contemptuous attitude towards everything and everyone becomes a characteristic feature of teenage or youthful negativism. It often persists into adulthood and is considered a faithful companion to narcissism, psychopathy, and hysteria.

In general, a contemptuous attitude arises wherever there is opposition or inequality: the smart despise the stupid, the city - the village, their own - strangers. And all because the despiser receives certain benefits for himself:

• Superiority. The winner can treat the loser with contempt, thereby enhancing his merits.
• Awareness of your worth. Contempt enhances the pride of a person who follows his own and public life guidelines.
• Disguise. A contemptuous grimace well masks one’s own inferiority, uncertainty or some kind of shortcoming.

It is unpleasant to communicate with a contemptuous person; friends, colleagues, partners and just acquaintances avoid him. But contempt is dangerous not only because of the lack of communication.

Why is contempt dangerous?

Contempt: good or bad? It’s bad, both for the person who despises and for the one who is despised. A disdainful attitude towards someone indicates that there is not enough love and kindness, or respect as such, in a person. He put himself above others, decided that he could judge and condemn. If a person ignores these manifestations in himself, then negative emotions and feelings will consume him. A disdainful attitude towards someone easily turns into anger, hatred, rage, violence. And the circle of what a person despises is rapidly expanding.

To be fair, sometimes contempt is a good feeling. It cannot be completely destroyed because it helps to eradicate antisocial and immoral behavior. It acts as social control, a regulator of people's behavior. For example, it is necessary to cultivate a disdainful attitude towards sexual promiscuity, crime, cowardice

But at the same time, it is important to ensure that disdain does not turn into hatred. Condemnation must be combined with the desire and ability to help

Morphological characteristics

Both “contempt” and the word “contempt” are common nouns, inanimate nouns of the second declension.

How to get rid of contempt

If you want to stop being derogatory, arrogant, and disrespectful towards other people, then you have to start with yourself. Realize that the reason is your fears. You are afraid of being in the shoes of someone you despise. Deal with it. Think about what specifically you hate (despise) in others. This is what you are afraid of. Why are you afraid of this? How to get rid of this? Get rid of your shortcomings, complexes, traumas, phobias.

If you see the worst side of yourself in someone or yourself at a difficult time in life, then try replacing hatred with compassion. Remember how hard it was for you, what saved you, what you dreamed of at that moment. Cultivate love and kindness within yourself. Force yourself to find something good in every person. Learn to forgive, start with yourself. Turn to yourself, find out why you are still reproaching yourself.

So, how to get rid of contempt for others and yourself:

1. Determine what exactly you despise and what scares you. You don’t accept this in yourself.
2. Determine who and why you are still angry and offended. Forgive yourself and this person.
3. Get rid of arrogance and pride. Cultivate love, kindness, compassion in yourself. Try to understand other people, do socially useful things.
4. Learn to see the good, the merits of people and stop focusing on the negative, the shortcomings. It will be difficult at first, but every day it will become easier.
5. Give yourself and other people permission to make mistakes. Learn to learn from mistakes and see them as opportunities for growth. Accept your imperfections and the imperfections of others.
6. Deal with childhood traumas, old grievances, internal conflicts, complexes, etc. If you can’t do this on your own, then consult a psychologist.

With regular practice, this will become a habit, and you will soon get rid of contempt. The main thing is to understand that contempt for others is the result of self-hatred or old resentment towards a specific person.

If you despise yourself, then the issue is an internal conflict, a feeling of guilt. The algorithm of actions is the same as when getting rid of contempt for others: find the reason, understand and accept yourself, forgive yourself, build your life according to a new algorithm, according to your desires, needs, and characteristics.

If you find yourself the object of contempt, then think about whether you need a relationship with this person? Don't take things personally. It was he who saw something of himself in you. What he does not accept and does not like about himself. What he is afraid of.

Life situations

Many people have to deal with contempt in the workplace. Often this problem is caused by competition. With the help of this dangerous emotion, people seek promotions and try to keep their jobs. For example, a person may turn to a colleague for professional advice, and in return receive only a smirk or a bad joke. The reason for this behavior may be the position for which they are both applying.

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In a friendly company, people are also not immune to displays of contempt. From time to time, everyone has to hear condescending comments from friends about their own actions or the actions of others. Sometimes such things make a person take a different look at his relationships with certain people and refuse to trust them.

Contempt that creeps into romantic relationships often leads to breakup. When one partner begins to put himself above the other, it robs the couple of their future. Contempt excludes the possibility of a peaceful resolution to any conflict.

How does contempt manifest itself?

A contemptuous attitude is noticeable in a person’s speech, facial expressions, gestures, and actions. Here are just a few of the main markers:

• sarcasm,
• evil ridicule,
• criticism,
• insults,
• ridicule,
• grin,
• ingratiating tone of voice,
• eye rolling,
• one raised eyebrow,
• look from top to bottom,
• arms crossed skeptically on chest,
• emotionlessness in the voice,
• ignoring the opponent,
• increasing the distance,
• expression of disgust,
• looking away (“ugh, it’s disgusting to look at”),
• detachment.

Such people are unpleasant to communicate with. After dialogue with them, you get the feeling that a bucket of slop has been poured on you. Interestingly, arrogant types themselves are confident that others treat them poorly, without due attention and respect. That they are underestimated.

What is contempt?

Contempt is a negatively colored and deliberately derogatory emotion that is caused by recognizing someone as unworthy, insignificant, and not worthy of respect. The emotion of contempt can be directed at a specific person, at a group of people, or at oneself. A contemptuous attitude towards others borders on feelings of condemnation, superiority, and arrogance. Self-contempt is a dismissive, extremely disrespectful attitude towards oneself.

Contempt is not included in the list of the main six emotions, but it has a unique, recognizable facial expression. Surprisingly raised eyebrows, a disgusted grin at one corner of the mouth, a mocking tone of voice - all of them are accompanied by a silent question: “What is this?” In addition, the person straightens up, tilts his head back slightly - so he seems to become taller and can look down at the object of contempt. Such micromovements are read by others instantly and just as quickly provoke conflict.

In English there is an expression “resting bitch face” (RBF) - “a contemptuous facial expression”, especially noticeable at moments when a person is relaxed or thinks that no one is looking at him. RBF syndrome, first of all, brings discomfort to the owner of the facial features, which unintentionally form a contemptuous mask. Public opinion immediately places such people in the category of eternally dissatisfied, arrogant individuals. It has been proven that the phenomenon of resting bitch face really exists, occurs involuntarily and does not at all mean that a person hates someone. But persistent prejudice plagues celebrities and ordinary owners of the “contemptuous face.”

If contempt is demonstrated deliberately, it reflects a person’s worldview, his upbringing, and attitude towards others. Among psychologists, there is even a hypothesis about “contemptuous” character traits, proposed by researchers from the University of California. The authors of the hypothesis insist that the tendency to treat others with disrespect and arrogance is not a temporary affect, but an established behavioral pattern. There is some truth to this.

How the syndrome ruins your life

People judge How your looks betray your personality about others based on their appearance. And no matter how hard we try to change it, the first impression is formed Social Attributions from Faces: Determinants, Consequences, Accuracy and Functional Significance in one tenth of a second - faster than a person has time to realize something. At the same time, the brain has stable reactions to certain facial features:

• An outwardly attractive person seems to us Social Attributions from Faces: Determinants, Consequences, Accuracy and Functional Significance more competent and intelligent.
• A pronounced chin, a large nose, and a narrow face are associated with power and a tendency to dominate.
• Big eyes or an open look are kindness, naivety, humility.
• People with wide faces and chubby cheeks seem kind and open.

Scientists have compiled three types illustrating the “reliability scale”: on the left - unreliable, in the center - neutral, on the right - reliable, journals.plos.org
Based on all this, a person with bitchy face syndrome will almost always make a bad first impression. People around him may think that he is an arrogant snob and despises everyone, although in reality this is not at all the case. This can be a hindrance both at a party and during a job interview or at a business meeting. It has been proven that people with attractive appearance are more successful and earn 10-12% more Dan Hamermesh on the Economics of Beauty: Attractive People Are More Successful.

Contempt and despise: what is it

You can despise anything: individual qualities of a person, people, phenomena, objects, actions, thoughts, emotions. For example, you can despise death, danger, pride, social norms and rules, etc. In order to determine the meaning of the words “despise” and “contempt,” we analyzed the interpretations in different dictionaries: Efremova, Dahl, Ushakov. Let's take a closer look.

The meaning of the word "despise"

In Efremova’s dictionary, the concept has two meanings. To despise is:

• treat someone or something with contempt, that is, consider it unworthy of respect;
• deny, devalue, neglect something or someone, that is, deprive them of attention.

What does it mean to “despise” according to Dahl’s dictionary: to neglect something or someone. Considered insignificant, small, unworthy of attention and respect.

A similar meaning of the term is disclosed in Ushakov’s dictionary. To neglect means to reject (deny), to consider as unworthy of attention and respect, as insignificant. Most often used in such phrases: to despise cowards, slander, oneself for weaknesses. Another meaning according to Ushakov’s dictionary is not to be afraid (not to recognize). For example, despise danger (not be afraid of danger).

“Despise” in the sense of “consider unworthy of attention” is considered obsolete. There are two modern meanings: to neglect (refuse, deny) and to consider something insignificant, to treat without respect. However, sometimes the word is used in all three meanings.

Words similar to the term “despise”: disparage, look down on, belittle, humiliate, devalue, ignore, disdain, overlook.

The meaning of the word "contempt"

In Efremova’s dictionary, the word has three meanings. Contempt is:

• a process of action similar in meaning to the word “despise”;
• the highest degree of disrespect, disregard for something, someone;
• indifference to something or someone, disdainful attitude.

There is no word “contempt” in Dahl’s dictionary, so we used Ozhegov’s dictionary. There, this means an extremely disrespectful, disdainful attitude towards something or someone.

In Ushakov’s dictionary, contempt is understood as a negative feeling, an attitude towards someone or something as deeply unworthy, vile, insignificant, immoral. This is a negative attitude towards someone or something, which is based on recognizing the object of contempt as unworthy of attention and respect. The object of contempt is not worthy to be feared, respected, accepted, or his opinion taken into account. Used in the following meaning: to experience feelings of contempt for someone (something), to treat someone (something) with contempt.

What does it mean to despise a person

To despise a person means to consider someone unworthy of respect, to treat him with disdain, and not to take his opinion into account. To treat someone with contempt is to treat someone with disgust. This is a negative feeling that is based on arrogance, condemnation, hatred, pride. Very often, a dismissive attitude is combined with wishing harm on another person.

As a rule, a person is despised for something. Most often for individual character traits, actions or thoughts. But sometimes appearance or social status becomes a reason for contempt. For example, many despise people without a fixed place of residence or people with addictions, people with low incomes.

Word combinations

What kind of contempt and contempt can there be?

Contempt happens:

• extreme;
• highest;
• deep;
• icy;
• cold;
• burning;
• sizzling;
• vile;
• fair;
• deserved;
• unfair;
• cruel;
• desperate;
• crazy;
• impudent;
• crazy.

Charity happens:

• warm;
• good;
• sacrificial;
• selfless;
• unconscious.

What verbs do these nouns combine with?

Contempt humiliates, insults, offends, torments, suppresses, upsets, saddens, jars, kills, tramples.

Charity warms, confuses, pleases, consoles, enlivens.

Manifestation

Deep disgust, a desire to move away, a dissatisfied expression on the face, averting the eyes and trying to turn away - these are the true signs that a person treats someone with contempt. This feeling, by definition, is close to disgust, but may manifest itself with less intensity.

Often people show this emotion not only as a momentary impulse, but do it based on a certain strategy. For example, strong personalities can use it to confirm their own status, when trying to build a wall between themselves and a specific person: “You are not suitable for me, you are not in my circle.”

Of course, an unconscious manifestation of contempt is a negative point and indicates a person’s mental trauma, mental characteristics that negatively affect his life. The best way to get rid of this burden is to communicate with a psychologist. If you are not yet ready for a visit or think that you do not need it, I can recommend a good book “Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman, which explains in detail why it is even more important than IQ.

By the way, I have a similar article on my blog. Of course, it is difficult to compare it in terms of information content with a book, but if you are interested in learning at least general information, please do so. I will be glad to your attention. OK it's all over Now. Don't forget to also subscribe to the newsletter. See you again and peace of mind in life.