Have you ever noticed that in almost any team or friendly company there is a person who becomes the center of attraction for others? He may not be the most beautiful, or the strongest, or even the smartest, but everyone revolves around him like planets revolve around the Sun. Everyone wants to talk to him, they are drawn to him, they ask his opinion. Compared to such people, handsome and smart people may seem ordinary and insipid.
We usually call such people charming. But we can’t always explain, what does this mean? Is this an innate ability or does it take some effort to become the life of the party? What human qualities does a charming person actually have?
The meaning of the word "charm"
To understand these issues, let's start with the meaning of the word. The explanatory dictionaries of Ushakov and Ozhegov give absolutely the same definition as “attractive power, charm.” But this does not explain where this force comes from or how it acts.
Let's continue our research and look into Semenov's etymological dictionary of the Russian language. It turns out that the word “charm” comes from the ancient Russian “bayati” - “to speak, to conjure.” Literally, to charm means to bewitch with words, to speak.
The word “charm,” which is similar in meaning, comes from the French language and is translated as “enchantment.” And the word “charisma,” which is sometimes used to replace “charm,” has its origins in the ancient Greek χάρισμα, which means “gift” or “grace.”
It seems that everything is nearby, but there is one nuance: in Russian the word comes from a verb, from an action that is required for those around you to fall under your “spell.” Does this mean that a person who can talk incessantly can be called charming? Of course not. Therefore, we are looking further.
Let's look at another source that explains the meaning and meaning of words - an encyclopedic dictionary. He is more generous with details. Here's what it says: charm is a human ability:
- attract to oneself;
- to have a good attitude;
- charm and conquer people.
Moreover, an explanation is immediately given that it is not easy to conquer, but “with your virtues, manners, intelligence, words, kindness, appearance.” It turns out that this is not some kind of magical gift, but an ability. So you can learn this if you make manners, intelligence, appearance your virtues?
Beautiful or charming appearance
Charm is considered a personality quality that serves as a kind of “magnet” for people around you. And most of those who do not have this trait are interested in how to become a charming person who is able to attract attention.
It is worth noting that charm (or charm, charisma, attractiveness, charm) is a quality that can be “developed.” That is, those who do not consider themselves charming need only work on themselves and, as a result, become more attractive in the eyes of others. To do this, you just need to find out what factors help develop charisma and how to combine them correctly.
And in order to understand how to develop charm, you need to figure out what we tend to pay attention to first when looking at another person. Undoubtedly, we initially evaluate the appearance (hair, facial features, eyes, smile) of the opponent. But this does not mean that people should dress and look like models from glossy magazines. In fact, assessing another person occurs somewhat differently.
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The concept of “beauty” contains several aspects of personality. First of all, it is naturalness, natural attractiveness and prettiness. In addition, the ability to emphasize the advantages of one’s figure and appearance is another important factor on which the degree of charm and charisma of a person (in particular, a woman) depends.
Charm and beauty
Image makers are interested in the secrets of attractiveness from the point of view of specialists. They believe that beauty and charm are different levels of personality: beauty is an external category, more evaluative, rather a matter of personal taste, and charm is an internal and emotional concept. Therefore, in order to be charming, external beauty is not so important.
It is enough to recall such ordinary and such unique Edith Piaf, Juliet Masina, Annie Girardot and Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya. All these women have no external attractiveness, but how charming they are on stage and in life, how bewitching their voices sound, how witty their statements are and how beautiful their smiles are!
And how many ugly, but very charming men can be found among famous personalities: Adriano Celentano and Jean-Paul Belmondo, Russian actors Konstantin Khabensky and Viktor Sukhorukov.
Smell
We are able to distinguish up to ten thousand odors, some of which (poisonous gases, smoke) notify us of imminent danger. Cells located in the nasal cavity detect molecules that are the source of odor, then send corresponding nerve impulses to the brain. The brain recognizes these odors, which can be pleasant or unpleasant. Scientists have identified seven main odors: aromatic (camphor), ethereal, fragrant (floral), ambrosial (the smell of musk - an animal substance used in perfumery), repulsive (putrefactive), garlic (sulfur) and, finally, the smell of burnt. The sense of smell is often called the sense of memory: indeed, a smell can remind you of a very long ago event.
Psychology of charm
The secret of attractiveness has always interested people who want to attract the sympathy of others. This issue is studied by psychologists and human behavior analysts.
Not long ago, a book by Jack Shaffer, who was involved in behavioral analysis at the FBI, was published, “Turn on the Charm.” In it, he tries to break this quality down into its components and give advice on how to win over a person and inspire confidence in him. Shaffer believes that charm is a derivative of friendship, which consists of four elements: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity of meetings. The hardest first step is to close the distance and gain sympathy. This will allow you to further transform sympathy into trust and make the relationship closer. To do this, the author suggests using facial expressions, gestures, certain postures, and other nonverbal signals of openness and friendliness.
But this is still not the same. There should be sincerity in charm, not pretense; naturalness, not practiced gestures; real open interest in a person, rather than a rational understanding of his usefulness. It was not for nothing that the writer A. Maurois said that “charm is the ease of feelings, just as grace is the ease of movement.”
Charismatics - what are they?
People who are naturally charismatic are in the minority, as are people with natural good looks. However, by setting a goal and working hard towards it, you can achieve high results and earn a reputation as a person “with a twist”, interesting, knowledgeable, inquisitive, enthusiastic - charismatic.
Anyone who masters the secrets of charisma and takes advantage of the benefits it gives will understand that his efforts were not in vain and “the game was worth the candle.”
What does it mean to be charming
Some conclusions can be drawn:
- Charm is not necessarily associated with external beauty.
- It cannot be feigned, false and hypocritical.
- It is impossible to imagine that a rude, tactless, closed or enslaved person, with a callous, cynical soul and emptiness inside, would be considered charming.
A charming person is a person who is friendly, open, sociable, pure in thoughts, with a sincere, spiritual smile and clear, kind eyes. This is a person with self-esteem, but not arrogance, who will never humiliate or offend his interlocutor.
Women's charm deserves special mention. After all, every girl or woman wants to attract attention, wants to be liked. But not everyone is given a bright appearance, and this is not necessary. If you are well-groomed from head to toe, if you combine calm confidence with natural sincerity, and a soft smile and friendly look are emphasized by smooth movements and a subtle sense of humor, then you will not go unnoticed in any society.
A skill that ladies learn from childhood
You need to comprehend the science of female charm from childhood. Previously, as they say, before the revolution, balls were held for twelve-thirteen-year-olds. They were preparing for them. Each girl managed to learn how to dance the waltz and mazurka, hold her back and head, and conduct small talk. And caring older women taught them to “tilt their heads to one side, having received an engagement, and coquettishly look into the corner - at the floor - at the object.”
After the revolution, a “new Soviet man” was created in a single social concrete mixer, in which truly feminine and masculine qualities were replaced by averagely useful ones for society. And all kinds of coquetry there were declared bourgeois relics, philistinism, against which they waged an intensified struggle.
Now the mood has changed. We felt that the distortion of the natural roles of men and women had distorted literally all aspects of life, hurting the living, the dead, and even the unborn. One of the means of restoring a “normal life” was considered to be the return of femininity, charm, and charm to a woman. Women's gymnasiums and even institutes for noble maidens are opening in cities, where they are trying to teach girls and women truly feminine qualities and arts.
How to learn charm
Charming people have some advantages in various life situations: they are more often forgiven for mistakes, they are trusted more, they listen more attentively, and they are more likely to meet people halfway. Such natural charm makes life much easier, opening closed doors and the hearts of others to a person. Is it possible to learn this and take advantage of these opportunities?
Today, such a quality can help in increasing social status or achieving power; this issue is dealt with by special services and professional image makers. Therefore, a lot of books, programs, lessons appear that promise to reveal some incredible secret of charm. It seems that it’s worth reading a few books, going through a couple of trainings or psychological programs, and everyone can become “the most charming and attractive.” Most likely this is not the case.
It will probably be difficult to fully master all the qualities of a charming person, but it is quite possible to become more free and liberated, to master “technical” ways of influencing others: facial expressions, gestures, intonations.
First of all, it is worth mastering successful communication skills. In The Power of Charm, Brian Tracy recommends the following:
- listen to your interlocutor carefully - it is better to listen more and talk less;
- do not lose eye contact during a conversation;
- control your body language;
- learn to pause and adapt to the style and pace of your interlocutor’s speech;
- there is no need to give advice unless asked for it;
- smile;
- prepare for the conversation in advance.
Charm is a sea of positive energy splashed out into the outside world. That’s why those around him are drawn to a charming person like flowers to the sun, warming in the warmth of his smile and being charged with optimism and good mood.
What advantages does charisma give a person?
Besides the fact that charm is an attractive character trait in itself, it can serve the person who possesses it well. A charismatic person is easy to communicate, sociable, positive, they respect him, they trust him, they are happy to make friends with him and maintain friendly relations. Many doors open before him that are closed to others. People find in him an adviser, a comforter, a mentor and just a good friend, next to whom they feel stronger and wiser.
Employers value charming people, because they are indispensable during negotiations, when you need to show persistence, intelligence, patience, and the ability to control your emotions in order to convince the other party to make the necessary decision. Moreover, charismatic people also have good connections. Thus, charisma is a character trait that opens up great opportunities for career advancement.
