In 2021, former head of the US Medical Service Vivek Murphy called loneliness a “growing epidemic”, one of the reasons for which is that modern technology and social networks partially replace our live interaction with others. There is a connection between this condition and the increasing risk of depression, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, dementia, and a reduction in life expectancy.
Anyone can experience loneliness—including mental health professionals. “Loneliness and shame make me feel flawed, unwanted, unloved,” says psychotherapist and coach Megan Bruno. “It seems that in this state it is better not to catch anyone’s attention, because if people see me like this, they may turn away from me forever.”
How to support yourself on days when you feel especially lonely? This is what psychologists advise.
How to Deal with Loneliness: Boost Your Self-Esteem
How to cope with loneliness: Pixabay
Often people with low self-esteem avoid communication, considering themselves unworthy, wrong, afraid of hearing criticism. Many people probably know cases where an ugly duckling at school turned into a successful businessman in adulthood.
Remember that you are an individual. This means that what distinguishes you from others is the most valuable gift. To improve your self-esteem, do the following:
- consult a psychologist;
- develop in what you love;
- go in for sports.
Many successful show business stars have said that they were different as children. These differences helped them achieve success and become social individuals.
Get out of your comfort zone
Probably everyone would like to spend all their days at home watching TV and watching their favorite series. But you will never develop social skills this way.
Look for new places where you would like to spend time: museums, parks, cinema, circus, theater, exhibitions, literary clubs. This way you will expand your social circle and perhaps learn something important. After all, it is through communication that we learn from the experiences of other people and their positive qualities. Many people pull us up, motivate us and set the bar we strive for throughout our lives. Change your environment, and you will immediately notice how loneliness begins to go away.
Ask the right questions
To find out what’s wrong with you, you should ask yourself the question: “What exactly am I missing to stop feeling lonely?” By answering it as honestly as possible, you will understand what needs to be done to solve the problem.
- Maybe you feel lonely because you moved to another city and you miss your parents? Organize trips to your home as often as possible, call and write to your loved ones.
- Maybe you feel bad because of the loss of your beloved pet? Make yourself a new friend.
- Maybe you are missing flirting, romance and love? Try to take a closer look at the people around you. Probably, in the bustle, you simply forgot that you wanted to build a relationship.
What to do if you feel lonely? Communicate and dialogue with yourself. This is the only way you can eradicate the problem.
Look for friends with similar interests
There is no person who does not have one hobby. At least one movie watched, one book read - and you can already find common ground with your interlocutor.
The Internet is a great resource for finding friends. Look for people like you. Maybe you once lived in the same city or went to the same pool? This is a great way to cheer up when a person is feeling lonely.
Probably, strong friendships are the key to happiness. Where are we without support, love, affection and positive emotions?
You are not alone in your experiences
How to stop feeling lonely? Probably find people who are experiencing the same condition as you. Remember that you are not alone in the fact that right now, somewhere in the world, someone else is sad. What if you unite and start supporting each other, giving care and attention?
Read also: What determines the gender of a child?
There are many forums on the Internet dedicated to loneliness. Try to find a friend or even a soul mate there. Who knows, maybe you both lack love?
Accept yourself
First you need to work on yourself.
Why do I feel lonely? Maybe this is due to low self-esteem, reluctance to go out into society, lack of self-confidence, fear of entering into relationships with people? The reason for all these problems is that you have not established contact with yourself. Of course, this is a long process that requires patience and strength. A psychologist can help you with this. If you think you can do without it, then start developing your abilities. Sign up for a dance class, get a gym or pool membership, go to an art or music school. You will definitely find yourself in some activity!
Forced loneliness
This can happen even to those who are usually surrounded by loving family and loyal friends. Sometimes circumstances are such that you have to move - temporarily or permanently. Because of work, health conditions, as a result of marriage, in the end. And then, suddenly finding yourself far from your loved ones, you feel abandoned and lonely.
Ambulance
If you've been separated for a short time, tell yourself: It's just wonderful that I have someone to miss. Time spent alone will help you realize love and show your loved ones how much you care about them. Indeed, in a normal situation, people often do not even tell each other about their feelings, considering that this goes without saying. When you are separated, feelings become heightened. Modern technologies allow you to maintain communication at any distance - telephone and Internet are at your disposal around the clock. Talk about what is happening to you, write letters. It may very well be that you will be able to get to know people you have known for a long time from a new perspective. And finally, do not forget the folk wisdom: if you cannot be close to those you love, love those who are close to you.
Change yourself
If life circumstances have separated you from your loved ones for a long time, you face a difficult decision. And yet you need to accept it and determine what is more important to you: the circumstances that keep you away from your loved ones, or the people close to you themselves. Sometimes it turns out that even the most brilliant career in the capital or abroad is not worth separation from those you love. It happens that for the sake of loved ones you have to forget your pride, ambitions and even what previously seemed an unshakable life principle. Every new day opens up new opportunities. And it’s up to you how you manage them.
Share your fortune
Don't be afraid to open up and talk about your feelings and emotions. Find a person you trust and share your condition with him. Perhaps your interlocutor has ever been in the same situation as you, and therefore will tell you how to find a way out.
If you do not have a close friend, write about your problem in the appropriate forums. Surely you will find the support and empathy you need.
If you think that your appearance tells everyone that you are sad, then this is often not the case. It’s better to tell someone about your experiences. It will definitely make you feel better!
What is the essence of conscious solitude and why is it so popular today?
The fact that a person makes a conscious choice to be alone most likely indicates that he is comfortable being alone with himself. He has no need to “reflect” in someone: apparently, such a person is satisfied with the approval and recognition that he can give to himself. This trend is gaining popularity along with the trend towards awareness and independence - for many this can be an indicator of success and inner strength. Entry into a relationship is often perceived negatively by supporters of this concept as potential difficulties: it is easier for one person, but in a couple you always have to be on your toes and face unpleasant experiences and conflicts.
Photo: Bernard Holdys. Model: Asia Zebracka. Makeup: Anna Sokolowska. Hair: Iza Swirkowska. Set designer: Szymon Nowak. Stylist: Marta Sliwinska. Stylist assistant: Ania Grabianska. Vintage dress
How to get rid of loneliness: help others
Help: Pixabay
Join a volunteer organization, charity event. If you are too shy, then start with online communities, and then move on from virtual communication to personal communication. Try to do this:
- Don't attend events just to make friends. Go there for a fun time;
- be yourself, be friendly;
- take a step forward. Show interest in other people, invite a new friend for coffee.
People love attention, so don't be afraid to be active and want to make acquaintances. Perhaps this will be the start of a good friendship.
Statistics and trends
In Russia, there has not been a large-scale study of the topic of loneliness, but there are still some figures. According to the Federal State Statistics Service, 30.2% of women said they feel lonely. Among men this is only 18.3%. At the same time, the proportion of respondents feeling loneliness increases with age. That is, no more than 18% of participants are under 30 years old, 25.6% are over 50, and 37.5% are over 60 years old. The results differed significantly depending on income level: survey participants with low earnings were most likely to experience loneliness.
Experts say we need to look at statistics critically. For example, we see that women experience more loneliness than men. At the same time, Russia is the world leader in the number of male suicides per capita, and these are related things.
Strong feeling of loneliness
Some people who have long suffered from a strong feeling of loneliness have a constant relationship scenario that repeats from time to time, and they may not even notice it. At first everything develops normally, good and pleasant communication, walks, meetings, but as soon as the relationship reaches a certain point, after which it is time to take it to a new level, they quickly run away into their safe hole and do not leave it until the other person moves away to a safe distance. It is difficult to say what causes this behavior, but it is in the comfort zone into which a person escapes that his loneliness is located. He chooses it himself.
Think positively
One of the problems of loneliness is the negativity that we bring upon ourselves. Feel the difference:
- “No one in the group understands me.”
- “I haven’t made any friends in this group yet, but it’s temporary.”
Agree, these are two completely different statements. And our thoughts affect our mood. So why think in a negative way when you can rephrase the thought with bright colors?
A good way to start thinking positively is to create an environment where there is an atmosphere of kindness and love, and people do not think negatively.
Loneliness among people
I can experience loneliness not only if I have no relationships with people. I can feel lonely during a holiday, at a party, even at my own birthday, at school, at work, in my family. Sometimes people are nearby, but something is missing. There is no meeting, there is no intimacy, there is no exchange with the other person. We are having superficial conversations, but I have a need to really talk to a person. We talk about skiing, about cars, but we don't talk about me and you.
Neuroscientists have uncovered the mystery of loneliness
In many families, we talk only about some matters, who should buy what, who should cook the food, but they are silent about our relationships, about what we care about. Then I feel lonely and in the family.
If no one sees me in the family, especially if we are talking about a child, then I am lonely. It’s even worse - I’m abandoned, because there are people around, but they are not interested in me, they don’t look me in the eyes. They only look at whether I do well in school and that I don't do anything bad. And this is how I was raised. I'm growing up alone.
The same thing happens in partnerships: we have been together for 20 years, but at the same time we feel lonely. The sexual relationship is functioning, but am I in the relationship? For the other person, is it about me - or only about himself? Or just about satisfying some needs? If we don't take the time to talk to each other like we did when we were in love, then we become lonely even in good relationships.
In every relationship there are times when loneliness is felt as the relationship moves more along a curve, going through ups and downs. We cannot be constantly ready to communicate with another, be constantly open to another person. We are immersed in ourselves, busy with our problems, feelings, and we have no time for anything else. But it could happen just when he needs it most. At this moment I am not there for the other, and the other feels lonely, maybe even abandoned in trouble. Such situations occur in any relationship. But it doesn't harm the relationship if we can talk about our different states later. And then we find each other again. But sometimes these moments remain wounds that we receive in the course of our lives.
We can experience loneliness not only when we are not in a relationship, but even when we are surrounded by people. And at the same time, we may not feel lonely when no one is around.
To understand loneliness, let's try to look at a person more deeply. Then we can understand why loneliness manifests itself in so many different ways.
Keep yourself busy
Why does a person feel lonely? Often this is determined precisely by boredom. Think for yourself: at what moments do you feel lonely? If you realize that you feel completely normal during any work, then do not worry: your problem can be solved.
Keep yourself busy. Dedicate yourself more to study, work, and self-development. Read, travel more often, learn foreign languages, start cooking, knitting or sewing, learn to ride a bike or skateboard, join a gym, walk with a friend’s dog, go to the park and take pictures of the surroundings. In general, there are actually just a lot of things to do. And all of them can calmly distract you from negative thoughts.
When we constantly feel lonely and unwanted, we are at risk of serious illnesses:
- Feelings of loneliness are a leading cause of depression, anxiety and alcoholism, as well as an increased risk of suicide.
- Feeling lonely increases levels of stress hormones and blood pressure.
- Feelings of loneliness disrupt the regulation of the circulatory system, causing the heart muscle to work harder and damaging blood vessels.
- Unnecessary sleep reduces the quality and efficiency of sleep, making it less restorative both physically and psychologically.
- Loneliness causes people to experience higher levels of perceived stress, even when they are relaxing.
- Being alone and separated can negatively impact learning and memory.
Sometimes our behavior and actions reveal the state of loneliness before we even realize how we feel.
How to cope with feelings of loneliness
Now that we have discussed the main causes of loneliness, now we should ask an equally important question: how to cope with the feeling of loneliness? What you need to do to stop being a lonely person and learn to make more or less constant contacts. First, stop communicating with those who constantly whine about being lonely. It may sound paradoxical, you are already alone, and I also suggest you stop communicating with the person. But, this is a necessity. You are shaped by your environment. And if you communicate with a lonely whiner, then the likelihood that you will become the same doubles. As many as two times! Do you really need this?
The next point is to understand the cause of loneliness. We have already looked at some of them. Of course, there may be much more, so try to understand what the reason is in your particular case. If you don’t do this, you will continue to fight windmills and stagnate in one place. Figure out what is preventing you from communicating with others and solve this problem.
There are some universal ways to combat loneliness that will be useful to you for any reason for loneliness. Firstly, put down your gadgets, free your head a little from the information overload that weighs on you every day, not giving you the opportunity to calmly think about your own life. If you can’t imagine a day without your phone and scrolling through Facebook, then something urgently needs to change. A very good solution would be a country holiday without technology. And secondly, pay more attention to your body and physical fitness. Do some kind of sport, go to the gym or to the pool, this will help you feel more alive, free your head from problems and work on your appearance. If it seems to you that this has nothing to do with your problem, try it, and then talk. Every problem can be dealt with, the main thing is desire and action, then you will succeed.
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Find yourself
A lonely person first needs to find himself, not friends. A normal individual at any age is surrounded by people. A person communicates better with some people and worse with others. But she is never alone. If a person feels inferior, do not blame others. Think about your own worldview. How can a woman get rid of the feeling of loneliness? A lady must understand what her values and dreams are. A woman needs to understand her soul and realize what she strives for and what she wants to achieve. Some ladies want to start a family, while for others it is important to build a good career. So think about your priorities. Your opinion should not be influenced by the advice of others. Life is yours, and therefore you have to live it. Think about what you want, and then try to realize your dreams and achieve heights in your chosen area of life. Do you want to start a family? So, look for the right man. Do you want to realize yourself in creativity? This means you take your hobby more seriously.
