Lesson 2: Relationships between people

What is interpersonal relationships

Interpersonal relationships are relationships that arise directly between individuals (two people or in a group) in the process of communication and cooperation with each other. Their distinctive features: reciprocity, direct contact. The success of interpersonal relationships depends on three components:

Understanding. A person immediately finds a “common language” with some people, but cannot understand others. Mutual understanding is achieved when there are common views on life, goals, interests, and similarities in character. In addition, the desire to understand the other must be mutual, both interlocutors must show interest in communication;
Interaction is the ability to carry out joint activities and combine efforts to achieve the expected result. If the goals of the participants in the relationship differ, there can be no talk of interaction. Only the presence of a common goal and objectives can unite the disparate activities of people;
Mutual perception is people's assessment of each other's physical characteristics and mental abilities. In the process of learning the external characteristics and character traits of the interlocutor, a person develops a response to this person.

Example. 7-b has a new biology teacher. The teacher and the class immediately established a good relationship. He organized the activities in the lessons in such an interesting way that all the students began to happily do their homework, although they had not done this before.

Interpersonal relationships can arise between people according to their personal desire or under the influence of external factors.

In the first case, it will be much easier to achieve mutual understanding, since the desire to communicate was joint, the commonality of interests attracted people to each other. In the second, conflicts and disagreements may arise between participants in interpersonal relationships, since they were united by someone’s will, a decision that they need to cooperate.

Example. The school class is formed by the school administration, and not as a result of the personal wishes of the students. Not all classmates in the class will become friends with each other; some may have conflicts due to mutual rejection.

Business and personal relationships

Business relationships are those relationships in which communication is determined strictly within the framework of the defined tasks of the common cause and the guidelines of management. Business relationships are strictly aimed at results; their main motivation is not the communication process itself, but the ultimate goal.

When entering into business relationships, a person is guided primarily by internal and external discipline, which can only be developed by a mature adult. Therefore, children do not enter into business relationships; even the relationship between a child and a teacher in primary and secondary schools is a personal relationship. If partners have established an informal business relationship, then over time it can transform into a personal one.

It should not be assumed that this type of relationship is inherent only in working with colleagues, superiors, etc. Business relationships can also be established with close people. However, this is preceded by a dialogue, you should discuss with your mother, husband, child why you think that establishing such a relationship with them is important and what mutual benefit will be from this for the two parties.

Personal relationships are relationships between close people; they are devoid of a touch of officialdom. Such relationships are not supported by documents, as is often the case in business relationships. Personal relationships are relationships between parents and children, friends, classmates outside of school, brothers and sisters.

Sympathy and antipathy

The basis for interpersonal relationships is the feeling of sympathy and antipathy. Sympathy is a feeling of disposition towards a person, a positive assessment of his moral qualities, appearance, and character traits. Sympathy brings people closer to each other and creates ideal opportunities for successful cooperation. The manifestation of sympathy is expressed in a friendly disposition towards a person, an expression of interest, and benevolence.

Sympathy arises naturally and spontaneously, often due to a coincidence of views and interests. It is impossible to force a person to feel sympathy or antipathy for another. Therefore, sympathy must be mutual for successful interaction.

Antipathy towards a person manifests itself as a feeling of rejection, internal dissatisfaction with the behavior and appearance of another. Such a person can cause unreasonable irritation simply by his presence and cause bad emotions. Antipathy is a fertile basis for interpersonal conflicts, disagreements, and rivalry.

The reasons for antipathy may be unclear even to the person experiencing this feeling. Sometimes, it arises as a reaction to the dissimilarity of another, his fundamental differences from the rest of society, and may be associated with established stereotypes. Stereotypes are an opinion established in society about representatives of a particular group, which is often erroneous and exaggerated.

Examples of stereotypes: all girls are stupid, boys should not cry, a woman driving is worse than a nuclear weapon, all rich people are greedy.

Thus, even without really knowing a person, a preconceived opinion and antipathy may be formed towards him in advance.

Feelings and their role in relationships

Every relationship is built on the basis of certain feelings, which can be both positive (liking) and negative (antipathy). First, feelings and emotions are formed, caused by the external characteristics of a new acquaintance, and only then certain feelings begin to form towards his character traits, his inner essence. Informal relationships between people are often based on feelings that are far from objective. The following factors distort the opinion of one individual about another, which can significantly affect the set of feelings:

lack of ability to discern the true intentions and motivations of other people;
inability to objectively and soberly assess the state of affairs and well-being of your interlocutor or just a new acquaintance at the moment of observing his behavior;
the presence of prejudices and attitudes imposed by oneself or society;
the presence of stereotypes that prevent one from discerning a person’s true nature (he is a beggar - he is bad, or all women are mercantile, and men are polygamous, and something like that);
forcing events and the desire to form a final opinion about a person without fully understanding and without knowing what he really is like;
inability to accept and take into account other people's opinions and reluctance to do this in principle.

Harmonious and healthy interpersonal relationships are built only when each party is able to reciprocate, sympathize, be happy for the other, and empathize. Such contacts between individuals reach the highest forms of development.

Informal relationships

Interpersonal relationships may differ in the presence or absence of certain rules of communication and interaction. In this regard, the following types of interpersonal relationships are distinguished: informal (personal) and formal (office).

Informal relationships develop synchronously, based on feelings of sympathy, kinship, and mutual disposition. Such relationships are regulated by the participants themselves, without submitting to any rules established from outside. Informal relationships include relationships between friends, relatives, acquaintances, and classmates.

Example. Friends decide for themselves when and what time to go for a walk; a friend will not punish his friend for being late for a meeting. Communication between them occurs on equal terms; there are no strictly established rules of interpersonal interaction.

Informal relationships develop of the participants' own will; they are highly selective, carefully studying the personal qualities of the individual. This is not in vain, because such relationships are the closest, and you need to know a person well before becoming friends with him, trusting him.

Also, informal relationships can be interrupted by mutual desire, or even by the will of one of the participants. Often friends stop communicating because of hurt feelings, unjustified hopes, and expectations. Often, these are temporary disagreements, followed by reconciliation, but sometimes friends part for life.

Methods of interpersonal relations

The content of the criteria is determined by how close the partners are from a psychological point of view, whether they are equal or whether someone dominates by the degree of familiarity.

Target. Relationships of this type are formed when people are united by a certain goal. For example, the primary type is when a connection is formed on its own, and the secondary type is when one person communicates with another because he has to (boss - subordinate).
Character. By nature, relationships can be divided into formal and informal. Formal ones are those that are based on prescribed rules and laws. Informal ones are not limited by any official framework.
Cooperative activity. These are business relationships that are formed at work. In the foreground comes joint activity, and only then comes personal sympathy and trust.

Friendship, camaraderie

For every person, reliable friends are of great value. There are many sayings, proverbs, and fairy tales on the topic of the importance of friendship in human life. There may be many friends, acquaintances, comrades, but only a select few become friends.

Friendship is a selfless interpersonal relationship based on sympathy, affection, common views on life and goals. The following qualities distinguish true friends from acquaintances:

The ability and desire to come to the rescue in difficult times;
The ability to keep secrets (this is how trust is established);
Lack of envy, a feeling of joy in the event of sudden luck, happiness befalling a friend;
Empathy, interest in a friend’s life, his well-being;
True to your word.

To find a true friend, you yourself need to try to possess the above qualities, because friends are chosen based on their common interests, character, and perception of the world.

Partnership is mutual assistance, respect and goodwill between the participants in the relationship. Comrades do not communicate as closely and confidentially as friends, but their relationships are also built on sympathy and common interests. Most often, they become comrades by engaging in common activities: study, work, progress towards a common goal.

Example. There are 25 students in 6-a. The whole class has good relationships and there are no conflicts. All classmates are friends with each other, but everyone in the class has only 1-2 real friends.

Effective business relationships

The consistency of internal interaction between staff and the creation of a professional external image of the entire organization as a whole depend on well-built business relationships.

For business relationships to be effective, they must be built taking into account the basic working rules:

maintaining the priority of the organization's goals over the goals of individual employees;
stimulating employee interest in work activities and improving professionalism;
a combination of normatively prescribed actions and self-organization of personnel;
ensuring psychological compatibility in organizational personnel placement;
when rationing labor and establishing the scope of duties of workers, compliance with their level of professional training, psychological and physical capabilities.

The main priorities of effective relationships include honesty and reliability.

These options best serve to strengthen established professional connections.

Formal relations

Formal relationships are official interpersonal relationships that are subject to certain rules established from the outside. They are subject to a certain order of interaction, where each participant in the relationship has his own role. Official (formal) relationships include relationships between: an officer and soldiers, a student and a teacher, a foreman and a worker, a restaurant administrator and a waiter, a director and a secretary.

Examples of formal relationships

Sphere of relationships, participants	Accepted rules	Punishment for breaking the rules
Army (participants in relationships, employees of higher and lower ranks)	Lower ranks must obey the orders of their superiors, military personnel must adhere to the rules of the military regulations.	Emergency duty, departure to the guardhouse. If failure to comply with an order caused significant harm to the interests of the service, criminal liability is established for it.
School (teachers, students)	Students are required to come to class on time, do homework, wear a school uniform, and adhere to disciplinary rules.	Teachers have the right to punish students with bad grades, unsatisfactory behavior, and calling parents to school.
Store (seller-buyer)	Each product must indicate the price and expiration date. Buyers must pay in full for the purchased goods.	If the product turns out to be expired, the buyer has the right to return it to the store. If a seller deceives their customers, they are subject to a fine, and in some cases, criminal liability. A fine or criminal liability awaits the buyer who decides not to pay for the goods.

Thus, all interpersonal relationships, the rules of which are documented, are considered formal.

Relationship diagnostics

Diagnostics of interpersonal relationships is a whole science that is aimed at studying a person, revealing him, based on basic psychological knowledge. Moreover, using this technique you can establish contact with yourself. After all, there is an ideal “me” and a “me” that doesn’t like something about itself. By making such a table for yourself, you can understand how well you get along with yourself. After all, if you cannot achieve mutual understanding with your personality, then it will be simply impossible to do this with the people around you.

Relations of production

One type of formal interpersonal relationship is industrial relations. They are regulated by the labor code - a list of laws establishing the rights and obligations of the employee and employer. Thus, the employee is assigned the following responsibilities:

Arrive at your workplace on time;
Perform official duties;
Observe safety precautions at work;
Work according to a schedule, at strictly allotted times (standard working day is 8 hours).

The director has the right to punish a worker for failure to comply with rules, duties, and job descriptions. The first time he may limit himself to a verbal warning, the next time a fine, reprimand, or dismissal from work will follow.

At the same time, in addition to the duties, the employee has certain rights:

For timely payment of wages;
Providing regular leave;
Providing sick leave;
Receiving bonuses for hard work and exceeding production standards.

Industrial relations are regulated on the basis of law; the main document of an employee is his work book.

Basic principles

When establishing personal relationships, each person is guided by his individual preferences. Such relationships are created naturally and bring moral satisfaction and pleasure to the participants in communication, and contribute to a relaxed pastime.

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Business relationships are selective. They are built taking into account the pursuit of specific goals and objectives determined by the business plans of the organization and managers.

They can have an informal expression and be carried out through correspondence, phone calls, communication on social networks, chats, and Skype.

Divided into:

internal, focused on solving the enterprise’s own organizational issues;
external, aimed at establishing contacts with partners and clients.

The formation of business relationships is carried out taking into account the basic principles:

coordination of rights and responsibilities;
division of labor in accordance with the job responsibilities of each employee;
maintaining unity of goals in the interaction of personnel;
personal responsibility of each employee for fulfilling the tasks assigned to him;
distribution of part of the manager’s functions to other employees to improve and optimize work activities, as well as to quickly achieve specific goals of the organization.

Compliance with these principles contributes to the creation of favorable psychological relationships among employees in all areas of the organization’s activities.

Basic rules of communication

Interpersonal relationships are regulated by the rules of etiquette, morality and ethics. Etiquette prescribes norms of behavior in society, including in the process of interpersonal interaction and communication.

The rules of communication culture are taught from early childhood. This is necessary to create mutual respect and favorable attitudes in society. General rules of communication include: expressing greetings to people you know, a friendly, quiet timbre of voice, respectful attitude towards the interlocutor (you cannot interrupt him, you must give him the opportunity to speak).

The rules for communicating with peers are different from communicating with older people. You can address people of equal age and familiarity with “You.” It is customary to address seniors, higher ranks, and strangers as “You.”

Forming connections between people

The development of interpersonal relationships can only occur if a certain individual can establish contact with another person. In other words, find a common language. To do this, there should be no selfish intentions, communication should be light and understanding, and there should be emotional attraction.

Interpersonal relationships of people always strive to achieve trust. After this, the connection deepens, and over time the psychological barrier disappears. However, there is a difference between trust and gullibility. Trust is earned over a long period of time, but a trusting person takes another’s word for it, despite possible pitfalls and disappointments.